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92StangMan
02-12-2003, 09:37 PM
I have a question...

This is my first actual relationship in that I love my girlfriend, but she is going through a rough time right now with her mom and step-dad getting a divorce and they're going to have to move. This puts a lot of pressure on her and I don't really mention it that much, but we never have sex. It seems like she's upset about something and I can understand, but here's my question:
When I am with her, that's the only person that I want to be around, but when I'm not around her, usually I am online or at work when we're not together, I know I can get with a few girls. Like I said, we NEVER have sex and it pisses me off but I sometimes actually think about getting with another girl just to keep my sanity. I don't think I ever will but is this wrong with me even thinking about it? This isn't the usual, "Damn, I'd like to fuck her" and go on. It's more like, "Damn, I want to fuck that (then my conscience comes in at the last minute to stop me)."
Is it okay to sometimes talk to another girl about sex and even come close to doing it, but stoping yourself? I'm trying hard to not get in these positions but sometimes I cannot help it.
I feel like a real asshole and just wanting to get some opinions from people who have been there.

Thanks! :D

dedprez*
02-12-2003, 09:59 PM
hang in there bro...if you really care about her and your relationship you will stick it out...so to speak...

machine99
02-12-2003, 10:31 PM
I was in almost the exact situation and I stuck with it she moved and then cheated on me and I passed up several girls that I could have been with waiting for something that never happened. If I could go back in time I would dump the chick and get with some others. There are plenty more girls in the world. I'm now happily married to someone else. I know what you may be thinking, "Yeah, but you just don't understand how I feel about her." BULLSHIT! I know exactly how you feel and would dump her ASAP. Just my .02 cents

BitterB
02-12-2003, 10:50 PM
Damn, Machine, that's harsh!!

92StangMan
02-12-2003, 10:54 PM
Dumping her isn't a question since she hasn't done anything towards me other than lack of sex. On the other hand, when she moves, we'll see how that goes and see if we can last through that.

dedprez*
02-12-2003, 10:59 PM
evrything isnt just"getting with other girls" or missing out on opportunities that you could get some sex....like i said..it is up to U...only u know your true feelings about this woman

superman1975
02-13-2003, 04:02 AM
trust me stick it out--otherwise you'll regret it down the road

machine99
02-13-2003, 04:20 AM
Don't just stick it out because everyone thinks you should, and don't just dump her because I said so. Just think really hard about her, your relationship, ,picture how things will be in 5 years. When you do that don't just invision all the good things, think realistically. You said she was going to move, well where to? If she moves down the street it doesn't matter if she moves to a different state then maybe it does. Look if you really love her more than anything or anyone you've ever known then talk to her about it, about how you feel with her moving and with the way things are going. superman1975 wants you to stick it out with her and that is fine, maybe he didn't stick it out and became the masterbation champ (j/k). Anyways bro I wish you all the best and I think that you'll make the right choice and I hope that everything works out the way you want it too, just like I'm sure everyone else here does. Best of luck

machine99
02-13-2003, 04:28 AM
Originally posted by BitterB
Damn, Machine, that's harsh!!

sorry, but when i say exact situation I mean EXACT, de ja vu. If you want the whole embarrassing story in condensed version: I dated her from 17yrs.-20 1yr. we lived in the same state, never had sex with her or anyone else since I was with her. I turned down sex the night I moved almost cheated because she didn't sleep with me, meet up with some chick got a handjob felt like a piece of shit for even touching someone else and broke it off in the middle and left moved turned down chicks for her for 2 years of my life my freshman and sopomore year in college only for her to call one day and tell me how she got drunk at a frat party and some guy fucked her so hard she could walk for 2 days. So maybe I'm alittle biased as to what he should do.. :o :( But I'm married now have a son and if I would have dumped her early and slept around I never would have met my wife and I would have my beautiful son. :D

bigshug
02-13-2003, 05:14 AM
NO, it's not OK to talk with another girl about sex, imagine how you'd feel if your girl was doing the same to you. Putting yourself in that sort of situation will lead to troubles down the road. As far as whether you should stick it out or not.....I don't know, only you can make that decision. What I will tell you is that sex is a natural thing for two people that care about each other to do, if she's going through a rough time, you should identify with her pain and understand why she's not interested right now. Personally, I think it's a little selfish of you to care only about sex when she's experiencing such emotional anguish. Once her emotions return to a normal (if there is such a state for women) level, if she's still denying you THEN you have some cause for concern. Shit man, my wife and I NEVER get together.......the only reason I stick around is for my two children and lately I'm not so sure that's reason enough for me to stay. Now, I'm 99.99 percent sure she's not cheating on me but she also doesn't seem to give a shit what my needs are either. When I say never, I mean that since Jan 1 of 2002, we've had sex......twice. Sucks for me. I haven't cheated on her, but I'm afraid that her own selfishness is going to drive me away before it gets to that point. I guess I'm sharing this with you so you can know that some of us definitely understand what you're going through. If you're that upset about your situation, you need to confront your girl and ask her direct questions.....communication seems to be missing from most relationships these days. Explain to her how you feel in a way that serves to maintain and enhance her self esteem and doesn't make you seem insensitive to her feelings, too. Good luck to you, believe me I know how you feel

machine99
02-13-2003, 06:38 AM
I talk to my wife about sex I don't see the big deal. I guess we have a very open relationship if I'm not getting enough I'll say something and when I'm on fina she'll usually wait 2-3 days but then she'll drag me into the bedroom and rape me. lol I don't know I guess it depends on the relationship, but I don't know what I would do without sex for that long bro especially on test when I want it 6 tyimes a day. I salute you for not cheating on your wife, that is something that you should never do.

BLEED GREEN
02-13-2003, 09:30 AM
Been married 8 years, EVERY relationship has ups and downs. You have to do what makes you confortable, your own internal morals and ethics can tell you if what you are doing is right or wrong. The one thing that you would not want to do is something that would hurt a relationship on down the road. Hang in there 92stangMan-many times situations take care of themselves. Just my 2 cents.

bigpump9
02-13-2003, 10:13 AM
u know i am in kinda same situation now, except sex is still there, it is even getting better.

basskiller
02-13-2003, 10:25 AM
let me be brutally honest here.. You don't love her as much as you think... It's one thing to kid around saying "I'd like to screw this or that" .. But your not doing that.. your actually thinking about doing the actual act.. Not good.

Secondly, If you truely loved her, you would be there for her and not thinking about yourself ..(AT THIS MOMENT)...
Seems a little selfish..

Believe me, I'm no saint by any means, But I do have 18 years with the same women 11 years of which, we've been married

viper10139
02-13-2003, 10:55 AM
well bro...let me tell you...been there done that in a way...my X...was a nymph....she loved sex...and still does...so kind of opposite there, but 2 X's before that....I feel you, I was 17....up until I was 20....we rarely had sex..the first 6 months were hot..for each other..and then she just kept saying ,not everyone wants sex.....I mean I went 4 months without it.....let me tell you that got old real quick bro....I feel you there...I know exactly what u are going through......Well I have done both, kept quite about it and not mention it.....and it didn't work....however I tried to talk to her about it...big mistake caused more problems, dude I am telling you.....it's your situation...I am here for you....trust me....I know what u are going through, it's very hard....oh well take care bro..I wish u the best of luck......take care...and keep us updated!!!!

Choke03
02-13-2003, 12:53 PM
You need to talk to her about exactly how you feel.
something like : " Babe, I understand you have alot going on now and you are very stressed, but I feel we are drifting apart as a result. We never sleep together anymore and I miss you. I would never cheat on you but we need to try and work this out. Although you may be down about what's up with your parnts, you still have me to make you happy and to be thee for you, well I need you to be there for me. Now drop your pants and bend over !!! J/K .
Talk to her bro, if she loves you she will understand.

Choke03
02-13-2003, 01:11 PM
You need to talk to her about exactly how you feel.
something like : " Babe, I understand you have alot going on now and you are very stressed, but I feel we are drifting apart as a result. We never sleep together anymore and I miss you. I would never cheat on you but we need to try and work this out. Although you may be down about what's up with your parnts, you still have me to make you happy and to be thee for you, well I need you to be there for me. Now drop your pants and bend over !!! J/K .
Talk to her bro, if she loves you she will understand.

92StangMan
02-13-2003, 09:18 PM
We talk about it all the time and it drives me insane. Her first boyfriend took her virginity and then fucked her over. This was last year and then Amber (my gf) and I got together last August. That's almost 7 months without sex! We mess around some but that doesn't do it for me.
Every time I bring the subject up, she says she isn't ready but I still think in the back of her mind, I'll screw her over like her last boyfriend. I lover her and I would never do that to her, but I wish she would realize that.

Thanks for the replies, it's helping.

92StangMan
02-13-2003, 09:20 PM
Another thing, when she moves, it won't be TOO far away but not exactly close. It'll be about a 90-minute drive. :(

Bellx1
02-13-2003, 09:51 PM
You need to talk to her..... this is a great opportunity to open the doors to a very open line of communication. You can really open up the conversation with her here as she will feel she needs to IF she wants to continue the relationship. You may not hear what you want though... so be prepared for that as I was not when I went through it....

But you need to talk and tell her how you feel... it is not fair to her or you to sit in silence and expect her to read your mind !!!
Just tell her bro.... she needs to know.... and you need to know you told her.

muscleitis
02-13-2003, 10:13 PM
get a hooker man. i've herd it's the most honest sex youll ever have!. problem solved. NEXT!!

ArrogantFungus
02-14-2003, 04:09 AM
She is taking advantage of you big time. Sounds like a sick "tease" relationship. When they pull this shit you let em know you can get it elsewhere. Be cool but be no fool...this girl is bad news....

Nitrous Oxide
02-14-2003, 08:00 AM
Ok, she doesn't TRUST you and she doesn't love you as much as you love her, I'll tell ya that right now. I've been into so many problems with my gf many MC members know about it, but we worked our problems out..because we care and we love eachother..What makes me mad here is that she got fucked by her previous boyfriend ( the guy who took her virginity ) and when she tells you she's not ready it seems like she's not even a virgin..what's up with that..she should be ready no matter what..Having a good sex...is the good thing for your mental health.. I don't know, you have to figure it out..how much she really means to you...test her with many things...see how well she scores..if she has the low score then find another woman...or you can still be with her and find another gf just to fuck...or..you can wait..but I don't see a fucking reason why should you wait...did she lose sex drive or something...give her some female viagra if they have some....sit her down..and tell her how you feel..tell her that you need in that relationship but don't be like hey I need sex...just be like darlin...I've been sad lately something is missing in our relationship..and I was wondering if you could satisfy my needs..if she says..well I don't know why don't you tell me what that thing is..then everything is fine..or if she tells you straight away SEX, if she mentions sex...then break up with her the same day..and just to fuck with her head..and brake her heart..say that you fooled around while being with her..say you fucked so many girls..because she is no good filthy bitch...hope that will work..good luck..and keep us updated...really interesting story we got here..

92StangMan
02-14-2003, 01:56 PM
Thanks, Nitrous. With it being Valentine's day and all, I'm really going to sit her down and have a little talk. If it goes south, I don't know what the fuck to do...

Thanks again.

viper10139
02-15-2003, 02:03 PM
bumping for you bro...hope everything went well...yesterday!!!

92StangMan
02-16-2003, 12:05 AM
We talked about it and she still says the same shit. I think she's afraid that if we have sex, it'll ruin the relationship and blah, blah, blah. I believe that's what she thinks but I tried telling her that no sex is what's ruining the relationship.
She is by far the sweetest girl that I have ever meet, I don't want to break it up but the relationship, in my view, is starting to go back into the friend-mode. Either I'll have to tough it out for a few more months or break it up--which I don't want to do. Either way that it happens, it was meant to happen, I guess.
Anymore last advice?

Thanks, bro, for bumping it, too!