crank
New member
Ok, so I'm supposed to be writing a clever, informative article on how to build huge muscles, what all the latest fitness trends are in Hollywood and what's the hottest color to wear in the gym (Green is the new Pink). Instead I thought I'd go a different route and share something a little more personal for my first article and hopefully we can have a few laughs along the way. The gym is a great place, I love working out there, but sometimes I just don't feel like going and I'm glad to have a personal gym at home where I can hammer out my frustations or get in a solid workout on short notice. This month, I'm going to be sharing my personal experiences, stories and advice for building your own personal gym, but first, I thought it would be important to include the top 10 reasons to build your personal gym at home. Here we go...........
Top 10 Reason To Build a Personal Gym:
10. Because you're tired of guys dropping bombs as they walk past you on the bench, then the girls thinking it was you.
9. Because you wasted 45 minutes looking for a set of dumbells you needed....
8. Because you're sick of watching a 70 year old man read the newspaper on the legpress machine while he spends 20 minutes to do 3 sets of 10 reps at 20 pounds. (This happened to me at my old gym)
7. Because you like to workout naked.
6. Because when you did find the dumbells you needed, one was in the locker room and the other was in the parking lot.......
5. Because the only thing you want to see in the shower after your workout is your hot naked wife, not the 70 year old man from the leg press machine lathering up his saggy ass and shrivled balls.
4. Because the gym doesn't carry weights in your size anymore
3. Because Shania Twain doesn't get you quite as pumped up as some hardcore rap or Metallica. (In case this went over your head, it means you can play your own music at home)
2. Because there are many things in life more fun than getting athletes foot..........
1. Because you could be spending the $500 a year membership fee on gear!
So now we've decided to build our own home gym. I'm going to cover the most cost effective way to build a basic home gym which will allow you to hit all the major body parts.
Will The Gym Be:
Crude? Maybe......
Not the Prettiest? Probably....
Effective & Cheap? Definatley!
Here is a list of what you will need and why:
Unless you want to spend lots of $$$$ or you WANT your dumbell rack to look like this:
I suggest you invest in a pair of these dumbells which you can turn into any weight you want by adding different plates.
Next, you'll need a bench with a leg attachment
(It will cost a bit more for the leg attachments, but we want to make sure we can get a good leg workout using our gym) The ability for the bench to go Incline/Decline is a bonus, but not a necessity. If you order right now, all benches come with a free personal trainer as shown below!
You'll want a big ol' pile of plate weights in all shapes and sizes!
If you don't know what they are, well..... Why are you reading this?
Grab A Barbell as well
Oh, and a can of spray paint, a Maxim Magazine and a pad of steel wool! (I'll tell you why in a bit)
OK! So we want to make sure you have:
- Dumbells that you can add/remove plates from
- A Barbell
- A Workout Bench with leg attachements that can go incline/decline if possible.
- Lots of Plate Weights of many shapes & sizes
- A can of spray paint
- A Steel Wool Pad
- A Maxim Magazine
Next, we're going to have to find a place to put all this! Now personally I think the living room is the best place, but my girlfriend doesn't quite see it that way. I'll assume she is normal and that most other females feel the same way. There is pretty much only two options here, the garage or the basement. My garage isn't heated and I live in Canada. It gets F***ING cold in the winter. I put my gear in the basement. I cleared out the room, put up a giant mirror so that I can stare at my giant muscles and giant head (or so my girlfriend tells me). Ok bro's. Put some carpet down. Seriously. You can get old carpeting dirt cheap if you look around enough. I bet most of you guys have parents, friends or inlaws (take everything you can get from them) that might have some old carpet laying around the basement so you can probably get that for free! There's no reason not to have some carpet underneath your gym equipment to keep things from chipping and it just feels good on the feet. Maybe you want to have a sex romp with your wife during a weight lifting session and cold concrete on the ass isn't her thing. Anyhow, it's not really any of my business what you do down there, I'm just giving you some free advice on how to make it better. (Please don't Private Message me asking for sex tips).
Now I'm going to tell you the secret place to get all this stuff cheap! It's a place that practically gives this stuff away! I'm suprised not everyone has told you about it yet! What if I told you, I knew a place where you could get ALL that gear for $50 Canadian without having to pay tax! Are you excited? No? Damn. Ok, well I'll tell you anyhow. The neighbourhood garage sale! Holy crap, fat people basically GIVE this stuff away, you can't take it fast enough! They'll throw in all the attachments, cables, safety pins, plate weights free if you would just lug that garbage out of their house for them! F***ING screw those department, fitness and sports stores! You'll pay out the ass if you try to buy this stuff from them!
So Zylo, where is this story you promised?!?!!?? Ok ok, I'm getting to it....... I'll share with you now how I came to own my first pieces of gym equipment.
It was October 31st & Friday the 13th and a dark and stormy night...... Ok, well it was probably more like July 7th on a sunny Saturday afternoon, but the point was I was reading the newspaper to find out where the local garage sales were. My friend and I were both going to look for some BRAND NEW used GYM EQUIPMENT!. We found a garage sale located across town and hopped in my truck excited about what treasures we might find! We pulled up to the side of the road and I PURPOSELY hit the curb with my front tire............ ok ok, so I couldn't F***ING parallel park back then, sue me....... We hopped out and walked up the driveway and saw some small weights sitting on a table. "Hmmmmmmm" I said to my friend... "These might be ok for you, but I think I'll be needing something bigger than 5 pounders" :laugh: I turned to the old women who was sipping lemonade on an old rusted lawn chair and said "Do you have any more weights anywhere?". The old women grabbed her cane and started pointing it towards the garage door poking at the air. She said "Oh yes, we have lots of weights down in the basement, do you want to buy them.". I told her "Probably, can I go see them" She smiled, stood up and asked me if I would like some lemonade. "No" I said, "That's ok, can we please see the weights though?". She smiled and said "Are you suuuuure, it's reeeally COLD!". I smiled and said "ok, you talked me into it, cold lemonade sounds good". The old lady then poured me a glass of piss warm lemonade and finally took us downstairs.......
There I saw a large pile of rusted ass plate weights, an old bench that had the bottom seat broken off (it was sitting beside the bench waiting for repair) and a nice set of shiny dumbell handles and a bar in which you can add plates to. I was a happy boy smiling from ear to ear and said "How much for everything?". The lady said, "Oh, I don't know, they are just collecting dust and I can't move them, I don't think my son uses them anymore." I turned to her and said "Ok, well, it would be a lot of work to get this junk out of here, and it's all old, rusted and falling apart......... Hmmmmmm....... We'll get rid of it for you for $50". The lady said "Oh, that's just lovely!" I pulled $50 out of my wallet and handed it to her and started to lug everything upstairs with my buddy knowing we just got the deal of a lifetime on our BRAND NEW used GYM EQUIPMENT!. We put everything into the back of my truck and just as I put the last barbell into the back, some guy pulled up into the driveway, got out and started yelling at us to put his gym equipment back. I told him that we bought it from the old lady at her garage sale and we had already paid her. He said that he was her son and he told her not to sell anything in the house and he only put a few of the weights out for sale on the table he didnt' need anymore. He told me he would go get my money back. I let out a sigh and said "ok, I'll start unloading it if you go get the money, but I'm only going to put it back on the lawn, you'll have to bring it downstairs again yourself." He said "ok, that's fine. I'll be right back." The son went back inside the house and I hopped inside the truck with my buddy and took off laughing :laugh:. Well, about 10 minutes down the road we got pulled over by a police officer who said that got a report of a red truck that had stolen gym equipment and we seemed to fit the description. Lucky for us it was my buddies own cousin! We explained the situation to him and he said he would take care of it. He later told us that he drove back to the old lady's house and explained to the son about wrongful accusation about thefts and how he could get in trouble for calling us thieves and that we could sue him for wrong accusation and whole bunch of other bullshit that wasn't true. We all had a good laugh about it later while we were lifting weights
Now you might be wondering what the Spray Paint, Maxim Magazine and Steel wool is needed for. Well, pictures of hot girls on the wall is a pretty good motivator and is necessary in any home gym. The Steel wool is to try to scrape as much rust off the plate weights as possible and the spray paint is used to paint over them with a fresh coat of your favorite hardcore color. I suggest pink for the really heavy weights.
So hopefully you have learned a few lessons about building your own personal gym. I have listed the important ones below for your own reference:
1. Buy your gym equipment at garage sales!
2. Steel Wool & Spray Paint Make Old Weights Look New!
3. Old people can be easily exploited.
4. Never drink lemonade from strangers
5. Telling lies is easy and can get you what you want
6. Pink is a hardcore color. What? You don't believe me, wear an all pink track suit next time you go to the gym. You'll have all the attention
So maybe next month I'll write up a big article on what exercises you can do with your BRAND NEW used GYM EQUIPMENT! and how you can slowly expand it with the right equipment to compliment what you already have.
Thanks for reading this far You win a gold star!
Top 10 Reason To Build a Personal Gym:
10. Because you're tired of guys dropping bombs as they walk past you on the bench, then the girls thinking it was you.
9. Because you wasted 45 minutes looking for a set of dumbells you needed....
8. Because you're sick of watching a 70 year old man read the newspaper on the legpress machine while he spends 20 minutes to do 3 sets of 10 reps at 20 pounds. (This happened to me at my old gym)
7. Because you like to workout naked.
6. Because when you did find the dumbells you needed, one was in the locker room and the other was in the parking lot.......
5. Because the only thing you want to see in the shower after your workout is your hot naked wife, not the 70 year old man from the leg press machine lathering up his saggy ass and shrivled balls.
4. Because the gym doesn't carry weights in your size anymore
3. Because Shania Twain doesn't get you quite as pumped up as some hardcore rap or Metallica. (In case this went over your head, it means you can play your own music at home)
2. Because there are many things in life more fun than getting athletes foot..........
1. Because you could be spending the $500 a year membership fee on gear!
So now we've decided to build our own home gym. I'm going to cover the most cost effective way to build a basic home gym which will allow you to hit all the major body parts.
Will The Gym Be:
Crude? Maybe......
Not the Prettiest? Probably....
Effective & Cheap? Definatley!
Here is a list of what you will need and why:
Unless you want to spend lots of $$$$ or you WANT your dumbell rack to look like this:
I suggest you invest in a pair of these dumbells which you can turn into any weight you want by adding different plates.
Next, you'll need a bench with a leg attachment
(It will cost a bit more for the leg attachments, but we want to make sure we can get a good leg workout using our gym) The ability for the bench to go Incline/Decline is a bonus, but not a necessity. If you order right now, all benches come with a free personal trainer as shown below!
You'll want a big ol' pile of plate weights in all shapes and sizes!
If you don't know what they are, well..... Why are you reading this?
Grab A Barbell as well
Oh, and a can of spray paint, a Maxim Magazine and a pad of steel wool! (I'll tell you why in a bit)OK! So we want to make sure you have:
- Dumbells that you can add/remove plates from
- A Barbell
- A Workout Bench with leg attachements that can go incline/decline if possible.
- Lots of Plate Weights of many shapes & sizes
- A can of spray paint
- A Steel Wool Pad
- A Maxim Magazine
Next, we're going to have to find a place to put all this! Now personally I think the living room is the best place, but my girlfriend doesn't quite see it that way. I'll assume she is normal and that most other females feel the same way. There is pretty much only two options here, the garage or the basement. My garage isn't heated and I live in Canada. It gets F***ING cold in the winter. I put my gear in the basement. I cleared out the room, put up a giant mirror so that I can stare at my giant muscles and giant head (or so my girlfriend tells me). Ok bro's. Put some carpet down. Seriously. You can get old carpeting dirt cheap if you look around enough. I bet most of you guys have parents, friends or inlaws (take everything you can get from them) that might have some old carpet laying around the basement so you can probably get that for free! There's no reason not to have some carpet underneath your gym equipment to keep things from chipping and it just feels good on the feet. Maybe you want to have a sex romp with your wife during a weight lifting session and cold concrete on the ass isn't her thing. Anyhow, it's not really any of my business what you do down there, I'm just giving you some free advice on how to make it better. (Please don't Private Message me asking for sex tips).
Now I'm going to tell you the secret place to get all this stuff cheap! It's a place that practically gives this stuff away! I'm suprised not everyone has told you about it yet! What if I told you, I knew a place where you could get ALL that gear for $50 Canadian without having to pay tax! Are you excited? No? Damn. Ok, well I'll tell you anyhow. The neighbourhood garage sale! Holy crap, fat people basically GIVE this stuff away, you can't take it fast enough! They'll throw in all the attachments, cables, safety pins, plate weights free if you would just lug that garbage out of their house for them! F***ING screw those department, fitness and sports stores! You'll pay out the ass if you try to buy this stuff from them!
So Zylo, where is this story you promised?!?!!?? Ok ok, I'm getting to it....... I'll share with you now how I came to own my first pieces of gym equipment.
It was October 31st & Friday the 13th and a dark and stormy night...... Ok, well it was probably more like July 7th on a sunny Saturday afternoon, but the point was I was reading the newspaper to find out where the local garage sales were. My friend and I were both going to look for some BRAND NEW used GYM EQUIPMENT!. We found a garage sale located across town and hopped in my truck excited about what treasures we might find! We pulled up to the side of the road and I PURPOSELY hit the curb with my front tire............ ok ok, so I couldn't F***ING parallel park back then, sue me....... We hopped out and walked up the driveway and saw some small weights sitting on a table. "Hmmmmmmm" I said to my friend... "These might be ok for you, but I think I'll be needing something bigger than 5 pounders" :laugh: I turned to the old women who was sipping lemonade on an old rusted lawn chair and said "Do you have any more weights anywhere?". The old women grabbed her cane and started pointing it towards the garage door poking at the air. She said "Oh yes, we have lots of weights down in the basement, do you want to buy them.". I told her "Probably, can I go see them" She smiled, stood up and asked me if I would like some lemonade. "No" I said, "That's ok, can we please see the weights though?". She smiled and said "Are you suuuuure, it's reeeally COLD!". I smiled and said "ok, you talked me into it, cold lemonade sounds good". The old lady then poured me a glass of piss warm lemonade and finally took us downstairs.......
There I saw a large pile of rusted ass plate weights, an old bench that had the bottom seat broken off (it was sitting beside the bench waiting for repair) and a nice set of shiny dumbell handles and a bar in which you can add plates to. I was a happy boy smiling from ear to ear and said "How much for everything?". The lady said, "Oh, I don't know, they are just collecting dust and I can't move them, I don't think my son uses them anymore." I turned to her and said "Ok, well, it would be a lot of work to get this junk out of here, and it's all old, rusted and falling apart......... Hmmmmmm....... We'll get rid of it for you for $50". The lady said "Oh, that's just lovely!" I pulled $50 out of my wallet and handed it to her and started to lug everything upstairs with my buddy knowing we just got the deal of a lifetime on our BRAND NEW used GYM EQUIPMENT!. We put everything into the back of my truck and just as I put the last barbell into the back, some guy pulled up into the driveway, got out and started yelling at us to put his gym equipment back. I told him that we bought it from the old lady at her garage sale and we had already paid her. He said that he was her son and he told her not to sell anything in the house and he only put a few of the weights out for sale on the table he didnt' need anymore. He told me he would go get my money back. I let out a sigh and said "ok, I'll start unloading it if you go get the money, but I'm only going to put it back on the lawn, you'll have to bring it downstairs again yourself." He said "ok, that's fine. I'll be right back." The son went back inside the house and I hopped inside the truck with my buddy and took off laughing :laugh:. Well, about 10 minutes down the road we got pulled over by a police officer who said that got a report of a red truck that had stolen gym equipment and we seemed to fit the description. Lucky for us it was my buddies own cousin! We explained the situation to him and he said he would take care of it. He later told us that he drove back to the old lady's house and explained to the son about wrongful accusation about thefts and how he could get in trouble for calling us thieves and that we could sue him for wrong accusation and whole bunch of other bullshit that wasn't true. We all had a good laugh about it later while we were lifting weights
Now you might be wondering what the Spray Paint, Maxim Magazine and Steel wool is needed for. Well, pictures of hot girls on the wall is a pretty good motivator and is necessary in any home gym. The Steel wool is to try to scrape as much rust off the plate weights as possible and the spray paint is used to paint over them with a fresh coat of your favorite hardcore color. I suggest pink for the really heavy weights.
So hopefully you have learned a few lessons about building your own personal gym. I have listed the important ones below for your own reference:
1. Buy your gym equipment at garage sales!
2. Steel Wool & Spray Paint Make Old Weights Look New!
3. Old people can be easily exploited.
4. Never drink lemonade from strangers
5. Telling lies is easy and can get you what you want
6. Pink is a hardcore color. What? You don't believe me, wear an all pink track suit next time you go to the gym. You'll have all the attention
So maybe next month I'll write up a big article on what exercises you can do with your BRAND NEW used GYM EQUIPMENT! and how you can slowly expand it with the right equipment to compliment what you already have.
Thanks for reading this far
You win a gold star!
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