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Sachet
11-13-2002, 02:53 PM
Topic ~ How To Shower



HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN


1} Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2} Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your 'significant other' along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3} Look at your womanly physique in the mirror-make mental note-must do more sit-ups.

4} Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5} Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6} Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7} Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

8} Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.

9} Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

10} Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).

11} Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

12} SscreamsS loudly when your 'significant other' flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.

13} Turn off shower.

14} Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

15} Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

16} Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.

17} Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

18} If you see your 'significant other' along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.





HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN


1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your 'significant other' along the way, shake wiener at her making the *woo-woo* sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and
scratch your ass.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).

6. Wash your face.

7. Wash your armpits.

8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.

9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.

11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.

12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.

15. Pee (in the shower).

16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.

17. Partially dry off.

18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.

19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

20. bathroom fan and light on.

21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your 'significant other', pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the *woo-woo* sound again.

22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

winnie
11-13-2002, 08:32 PM
8. Sums me up...:p

Dezir
11-14-2002, 01:08 PM
HAHAHAHAHAA!!!.....that is funny!

cybersteffan
11-14-2002, 04:26 PM
I undress, shower and redress in less than 2 minutes. If I have to look good, add another minute for rubbing some gel onto my hair and for spraying some perfume on my cheeks.

Always have time for number 18 though :D

Sachet
11-15-2002, 10:18 AM
The Top Ten Things Not To Say To A Naked Man

1} This explains your car.
2} I never saw one like that before.
3} But it still works, right?
4} Are you cold?
5} I guess this makes me the early bird.
6} Aww, it's cute.
7} Can I be honest with you?
8} Maybe it looks better in natural light.
9} Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10} Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

Sachet
11-15-2002, 10:52 AM
Oops!
The picture's too wide :(


winnie~
Do you know if my last post is too wide to leave?
If so, could you let me know..

cybersteffan
11-15-2002, 11:10 AM
I see nothing wrong with that last post.

kossdeh
11-15-2002, 11:32 AM
Its stuff like this that make me happy that Im not single anymore. Well, kinda...

Sachet
11-15-2002, 02:38 PM
Originally posted by cyberstefke
I see nothing wrong with that last post.

Thank you, stefke~
I was afraid it was going to disturb the margin format of all the boards in the female finess area at first..

You see nothing wrong & everything right.. hmm? :)






Originally posted by kossdeh
Its stuff like this that make me happy that Im not single anymore. Well, kinda...

*lol*
It's okay.. we'll keep your secret ;)

superman1975
11-15-2002, 03:27 PM
are you my ex??? she did the womanly way--i did the manly way--especially the penis thing


hey sachet do you have any pics??

Sachet
11-15-2002, 04:19 PM
Originally posted by superman1975
are you my ex??? she did the womanly way--i did the manly way--especially the penis thing


hey sachet do you have any pics??

:eek: Is that you Zebulon?! *lol* j/k ;)
*tsk*
If you were REALLY superman, you wouldn't need a picture :p
Nope, I don't have pictures online.
Safety reasons.. ya know?

winnie
11-15-2002, 05:55 PM
Originally posted by Sachet


Safety reasons.. ya know?

Never can be too safe...:D

You have these guys drewling over ya, you savage...lmao

Sachet
11-15-2002, 11:53 PM
Originally posted by winnie


Never can be too safe...:D

You have these guys drewling over ya, you savage...lmao

:rolleyes:
Who told you about my lil junglejanie outfit? ;)
Lookie what I found winnie~
I dunno why I'm showing you this, but.. it's downright impressive!

http://humorasylum.com/pics/021013.jpg



humorasylum.com

Gear101*
11-17-2002, 06:20 AM
lol

winnie
11-18-2002, 03:25 PM
Originally posted by Sachet


:rolleyes:
Who told you about my lil junglejanie outfit? ;)
Lookie what I found winnie~
I dunno why I'm showing you this, but.. it's downright impressive!

http://humorasylum.com/pics/021013.jpg



humorasylum.com



:eek: It really makes the imagination ponder, doens't it...:D

How the human body is so special...:p A gift like that shouldn't be wasted!

rado
12-18-2002, 10:45 PM
I think I like the girl with the tongue better :D

insulinAL
01-01-2003, 12:12 AM
most women get turned off when i lick my eyebrows... :(

Sachet
01-02-2003, 02:15 PM
Originally posted by insulinAL
most women get turned off when i lick my eyebrows... :(



*fans my face*

We're known to act the opposite when something 'turns us on' at an inappropriate moment.
I'm sure your tongue stuck in their minds for awhile..

..prolly for quite sometime.. :p

sugaa
03-22-2003, 11:40 AM
where does that 7cm tounge fit in her mouth. really, where does it go?

bigshug
03-22-2003, 07:39 PM
OK, you guys gawking over the 7cm tongue need to remember that she's only twelve!! I'm with you though, sugaa, you'd think it would hang out of her mouth.....

Saks
03-27-2003, 01:10 AM
Bump to the top, I can see the truth in all of it. Now I won't be so impatient with my wife

poopoo
03-27-2003, 12:00 PM
Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower
lol, that sounds all too familiar.

that list is missing one: use shampoo to wash your skin for about a week because you're too lazy to put a bar of soap in the shower :D

mbstrong
04-11-2003, 10:11 AM
this was good to read on a friday morning,LMAO

jaywooly
05-12-2003, 04:46 PM
Originally posted by poopoo
lol, that sounds all too familiar.

that list is missing one: use shampoo to wash your skin for about a week because you're too lazy to put a bar of soap in the shower :D

I'm with you on that one poopoo!

PO644
05-12-2003, 06:29 PM
damn i didnt think i was goin to make it thru reading the first post damn tears running out of my eyes..shit that was funny sachet.. thanks

Sachet
05-16-2003, 09:21 AM
You're welcome, PO :D

*grins*
I just gotta know, do you *woowoo*?

Sachet
05-16-2003, 09:21 AM
Wash Room

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was "OCCUPIED". The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The buttons were marked "WW, WA, PP and ATR".
Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.

He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW, the women really have it made!". Still curious, he pressed the button marked "WA" and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world! The button marked "PP" yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn't resist the last button marked "ATR".

When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!" The nurse replied, "Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the "ATR" button which stands for utomatic Tampon Remover... Your penis is under your pillow!"

Incrediblebulk
05-16-2003, 09:28 AM
ok before I read this I just want to say my hand started to shake when I saw sachet posted how to shower!

Incrediblebulk
05-16-2003, 09:38 AM
Sachet, you bad girl you forgot to mention masterbate in the shower because you told us that you do that every morning. Probably half the guys do to.

Sachet
05-16-2003, 09:54 AM
Nikki masturbates in the shower! *drools*
Not me!
:rolleyes: Get your seXxy sistas straight, cowboy! *lmao*

I'm usually already in the act when I'm waking up ;)

huntergatherer
06-04-2003, 09:46 PM
i'm guilty of almost all of the male showering procedures, especially #2 and #21. i don't to the whooo whoo sounds but i sometimes sneak up to my lady and thwap it on her forehead a few times.

hotstuff
06-05-2003, 08:31 AM
thwap it what is that???? sounds like it would turn me on!!!!!

huntergatherer
06-05-2003, 08:08 PM
that's where i walk up to you while your lying down, i lift up my manhood and THWAP

huntergatherer
06-05-2003, 08:11 PM
right on the forehead. not too hard though. just enough to leave a red mark. never left a bruise or dent, yet.

hotstuff
06-06-2003, 08:36 AM
THAT IS SO FUNNY DOESNT YOUR G FRIEND GET MAD?????

rugbythug
06-06-2003, 09:27 AM
I call those "Mushroom Bruises"

huntergatherer
06-06-2003, 05:21 PM
i better leave this one alone before i get all the ladies mad at me...

CROWLER
06-22-2003, 03:00 AM
Originally posted by poopoo
lol, that sounds all too familiar.

that list is missing one: use shampoo to wash your skin for about a week because you're too lazy to put a bar of soap in the shower :D

LOL I agree.

Or better yet use the soap on your hair cause you are too lazy to stop at the store to get shampoo. :)

Sachet
09-18-2003, 09:58 AM
:D


Perfect breasts ( o ) ( o )

Silicone breasts ( + )( + )

Perky breasts ( * ) ( * )

Big nipple breasts (@)(@)

A cups o o

D cups { O }{ O }

Wonder bra breasts ( o Y o )

Cold breasts ( ^ )( ^ )

Lopsided breasts ( o )( O )

Pierced Breasts ( Q )( O )

Hanging Tassels Breasts ( p ) ( p )

Grandma's Breasts \ o /\ o /

Against The Shower Door Breasts ( )( )

Android Breasts | o | | o |

Mamogram Breasts (_)(_)

Martha Stewart's Breasts ( $ ) ( $ )

And God created woman and she had 3 breasts. He then asked the woman, "Is there anything you'd like to have changed?"
She replied, "Yes, could get rid of this middle breast?"

And so it was done and it was good.

Then the woman exclaimed as she was holding the third breast in her hand,
" What can be done with this useless boob?"


~And God created man.

chelle
10-24-2003, 12:29 PM
It belongs here like Sachet recommended :)

The Mommy Test

I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs." At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly, " . . . everyone knows this stuff. Um, it's on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." "Oh", she said.

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "I get it!" she said. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."

Bestquads
10-24-2003, 01:32 PM
lol funny stuff



Originally posted by Sachet
:D
And God created woman and she had 3 breasts. He then asked the woman, "Is there anything you'd like to have changed?"
She replied, "Yes, could get rid of this middle breast?"

And so it was done and it was good.

Then the woman exclaimed as she was holding the third breast in her hand,
" What can be done with this useless boob?"
~And God created man.
and this ^ is even funnier .

Lax9Chic
10-24-2003, 01:39 PM
lol

LA_Hardbody
10-24-2003, 01:43 PM
<--------has an 11" toung and can breath through his ears!

kristylynn
10-27-2003, 10:25 PM
LMAO Sachet that is really funny

jaywooly
12-24-2003, 02:02 AM
Have to bump this UP!!!