Quotes on France, this is awesome

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." ---Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." --Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." ---- Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" ---Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." ---Rush Limbaugh,

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --- Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." --- P.J O'Rourke (1989)

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." ---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" ---Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --David Letterman

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him. ---Howard Stern

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.---
Scott Shannon


***How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? No one knows, it has never been done. - This one is from yours truely Choke ***

Appropriate...

A Few more zings

Why is the Champs-Elysee lined with trees?
*So the Germans can march in the shade.


What do the French call four Germans in a car?
*An invasion force.


Why were the Germans so happy when they invaded France in WW II?
*The French had kept their rooms the way they like them.

lol

funny stuff, but it is also true.

"Bunch of cheese eati'n surrender monkeys" Groundskeeper Willie

Bastards ought to remember why they don't speak German.

I saw a classified add somewhere on the net where someone was selling a French assault rifle.....said it had never been fired and had been dropped once...lol

What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? How to surrender in at least 10 languages.
-What is the most useful thing in the French Army? A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

-Why does President Bush need the French in the event of war with Iraq? The french would be perfect at showing the Iraqi's how to surrender.

-Why does Nike like the French Army? Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes.

-Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly? It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S.

-What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert? A Mirage

-Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy.....To see all their other ships.

-Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting without an accordian.

-A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French military expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"

-Why is good to be french? You can surender at the begining of the war, and US will win it for you.

-A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. It's never been fired but I heard it's been dropped once.

-Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 forward. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the forward gear comes in handy....

-Q: How many frenchman does it take to gaurd Paris? A: Nobody knows, its never been tried before

-What color is the American flag? Red, White, and Blue. What color is the British flag? Red, White, and Blue. What color is the French flag? White, how ironic.

-What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The French Army.

-Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

-How do you stop a French tank? Well... first you have to find one thats actually running.

-What's the shortest book ever written? French War Heroes

-It's no surprise the French won't help us get Saddam Hussein out of Iraq. They wouldn't help us get Germany out of France, either.

-This last one is more than a joke.... It captures why the French make such poor allies. When they pulled out of NATO 40 years ago and declared Americans must close down their bases in France, Secretary of State Dean Rusk had a bitterly caustic response: "Should we dig up the graves of American soldiers in Normandy, too, and take them home?"

Once again... the french never responded.

Those are great.