Couples Jokes *lol*

Wife has the last say~


A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work.
The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.
So the man says to his wife 'Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill'!
She ignores the remark.

A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, 'Geeze, it really IS as wide as the grill!'
She ignores this remark as well.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky.
The wife eyes him smugly & calmly responds, 'If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken.'

holy shit! that is funny.

DOH !!!!

good shit ! lmao

First time I've heard that one....LOL!!!

Three Husbands

A woman was getting married for the fourth time and she wanted to wear white.
The priest said, 'Usually virgins where white'.
She replied, 'My first husband was a psychologist and all he did was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and all he did was look at it. My third husband was a stamp collector, GOD DO I MISS HIM!'

Choke03 said:

DOH !!!!

Click to expand...

*LOL* Ooh be kind, choke

does that mean i'm a stamp collector???? :drooling:

If you are, you're gonna be very popular!

One day a wife asked one of the "no-win" questions to her husband: "What would you do if I died?"

Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way."

However, the conversation would go more like this...

"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?"

"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.

"No, of course not, dear," said the husband.

"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.

"Of course I do, dear" he said.

"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."

"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.

"Yes" said the husband.

"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.

"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.

"I see," said the wife indignantly." And would you let her wear my old clothes?"

"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.

"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"

"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."

"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."

"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She is left-handed."

Nice, gotta show these to the wife.

Those are great

A Fishy Story

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The wife replies; "I did, they were in your tackle box."

lol.

Doh! Busted!