S
scorpio
Guest
Subject: Doctor's Notes
> > A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
> the
> > cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress,
> > and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
> > several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
> > Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
> >
> > * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
> > slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
> > instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient."
> > Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
> >
> > * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
> > husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
> minutes
> > later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
of
> a
> > "massive internal fart."
> > Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
> > * * * * * * * * * * *
> > I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
> I
> > placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
right
> > eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
> > Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
> > couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
> that
> > he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both
his
> > eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
> > Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
> > * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
> he
> > informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
> > medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch! The nurse told me to
put-on
> a
> > new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I
> had
> > him quickly undress and discovered what I I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes,
the
> > man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include
> > removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
> > Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
> > * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
> have
> > you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered.
> "Why,
> > not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
> > Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
> > * * * * * * * * * * *
> > I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
> breakfast
> > this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
> seem
> > to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
> > jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
> > Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
And Finally . . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing
female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously
formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly
burst
out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work
and
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I
was an Oscar mayer Weiner.
> > A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
> the
> > cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress,
> > and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
> > several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
> > Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
> >
> > * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
> > slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
> > instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient."
> > Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
> >
> > * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
> > husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
> minutes
> > later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
of
> a
> > "massive internal fart."
> > Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
> > * * * * * * * * * * *
> > I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
> I
> > placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
right
> > eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
> > Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
> > couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
> that
> > he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both
his
> > eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
> > Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
> > * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
> he
> > informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
> > medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch! The nurse told me to
put-on
> a
> > new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I
> had
> > him quickly undress and discovered what I I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes,
the
> > man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include
> > removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
> > Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
> > * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
> have
> > you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered.
> "Why,
> > not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
> > Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
> > * * * * * * * * * * *
> > I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
> breakfast
> > this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
> seem
> > to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
> > jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
> > Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
And Finally . . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing
female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously
formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly
burst
out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work
and
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I
was an Oscar mayer Weiner.
