DecaDent*
New member
Thought ya'll might like this joke,even though it doesn't apply to the fine,hard working ,iron pumping women of MC(that should cover my butt)....If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with
> you. This is dedicated to every woman who ever attempted to get into a
> regular workout routine.
>
> Dear Diary...
>
> For my fiftieth birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week
> of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still
> in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it
> would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
>
> I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer I'll
call
> Bruce, who identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and
model
> for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my
> enthusiasm to get started.
>
> The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
>
> Monday:
> Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
> worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me.
He
> is something of a Greek God - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a
dazzling
> white smile. Woo Hoo!!
>
> Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after
five
> minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I
> attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit.
>
> I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics
class
> after my workout today. Very inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did
my
> sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole
> time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
>
> Tuesday:
> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Bruce
> made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air- then he put
> weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made
> the full mile.
>
> Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a
whole
> new life for me.
>
> Wednesday:
> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the
> counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
> hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer
> or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
>
> Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club
> members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when
> he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest
hurt
> when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why
the
> hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered
obsolete
> by elevators?
>
> Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some
> other shit too.
>
> Thursday:
> Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin,
> cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half
> an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work
> out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's
> room. He sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing
> machine-which I sank.
>
> Friday:
> I hate that bastard Bruce more than any human being has ever hated any
other
> human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little
> cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without
unbearable
> pain, I would beat him with it.
>
> Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if
you
> don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the @*%23$>&*@*#$ barbells
> or anything that weighs more than a
> sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended
and
> graduated magna cum laude from.)
>
> The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
> Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
choir
> director?
>
> Saturday:
> Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice
> wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to
> smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even
> use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
*$@#&&
> Weather Channel.
>
> Sunday:
> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
> thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my
> husband (the BASTARD) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root
> canal or a hysterectomy.
<!--emo&
--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo--> <!--emo&--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:devil:--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':devil:'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo--> <!--emo&--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo-->
> you. This is dedicated to every woman who ever attempted to get into a
> regular workout routine.
>
> Dear Diary...
>
> For my fiftieth birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week
> of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still
> in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it
> would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
>
> I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer I'll
call
> Bruce, who identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and
model
> for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my
> enthusiasm to get started.
>
> The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
>
> Monday:
> Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
> worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me.
He
> is something of a Greek God - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a
dazzling
> white smile. Woo Hoo!!
>
> Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after
five
> minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I
> attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit.
>
> I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics
class
> after my workout today. Very inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did
my
> sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole
> time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
>
> Tuesday:
> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Bruce
> made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air- then he put
> weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made
> the full mile.
>
> Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a
whole
> new life for me.
>
> Wednesday:
> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the
> counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
> hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer
> or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
>
> Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club
> members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when
> he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest
hurt
> when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why
the
> hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered
obsolete
> by elevators?
>
> Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some
> other shit too.
>
> Thursday:
> Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin,
> cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half
> an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work
> out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's
> room. He sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing
> machine-which I sank.
>
> Friday:
> I hate that bastard Bruce more than any human being has ever hated any
other
> human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little
> cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without
unbearable
> pain, I would beat him with it.
>
> Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if
you
> don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the @*%23$>&*@*#$ barbells
> or anything that weighs more than a
> sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended
and
> graduated magna cum laude from.)
>
> The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
> Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
choir
> director?
>
> Saturday:
> Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice
> wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to
> smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even
> use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
*$@#&&
> Weather Channel.
>
> Sunday:
> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
> thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my
> husband (the BASTARD) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root
> canal or a hysterectomy.
<!--emo&
--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo--> <!--emo&--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:devil:--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':devil:'><!--endemo--> <!--emo&--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo--> <!--emo&--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo-->
