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scorpio
07-22-2003, 08:54 AM
These are actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the
world famous international institute of answering machine answers. (The
what?)

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave
your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

2. A is for academics; B is for beer.
One of those reasons is why we're not here, so leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John.
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4. Hi. Now you say something.

5. Hi. I'm not at home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can
talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?

7. (From Japanese friend) He-lo! This is Santo. If you leave message, I
call you soon. If you leave "sexy message," I call you sooner!

8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of
these magnets.

9. Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their
carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not
need their pictures taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and
number and they will get back to you.

10. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your
reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about
returning your call.

11. Hi. I am probably home. I'm avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me
a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

13. If you are a burglar, then we're at home cleaning our weapons right now
and can't answer the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it is
safe to leave us a message.

14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right
now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up
and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a
message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.

BLEED GREEN
07-22-2003, 09:01 AM
#8 sounds like one of my buddies!

Harvey Balboner
07-22-2003, 09:08 AM
I think I need to change mine till this one until the national do not call kicks in:

9. Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their
carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not
need their pictures taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and
number and they will get back to you.

radical_P
07-22-2003, 09:58 AM
those are great. I am changing my message to #9

huntergatherer
07-22-2003, 10:40 AM
i'm gonna use #15 for a while...

Chemical Evolution
07-22-2003, 11:18 AM
Hmm,.. :)

Saks
07-22-2003, 11:43 AM
11. Hi. I am probably home. I'm avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Sounds like a good one for me and my wife!:laugh: