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radical_P
08-14-2003, 07:58 PM
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I

1. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

2. What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

3. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

4. Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

5. What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.

6. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

7. Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

8. Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
Because Janet Reno is her real father.

9. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians
in a room together?
100 people who don't do dick.


SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVE RYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)

1. What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

2. What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

3. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

4. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

5. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

6. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.


7. Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

8. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

9. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

10. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs cha se cars they have no intention of driving.

11. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

12. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

13. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

14. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

15. What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

16. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

17. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

18. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

19. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

20. Why do drivers' education classes in Redn eck schools use the
car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)

1. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

2. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

3. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

4. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

5. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

6. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
the cage along with... "a recipe."

7. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!

8. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

9. My, my, how times have changed.
Years ago...When 100 white men chased one black man, we called
it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR.

10. Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

Saks
08-14-2003, 08:03 PM
Im offended somewhere in all of that. :LOL

Badgermoon
08-14-2003, 09:31 PM
several of them made me laugh. especially #3 in the first group.

bigshug
08-14-2003, 09:48 PM
Freakin' hilarious.......

huntergatherer
08-15-2003, 12:05 AM
#6 part 3 had me...
all were good though bro

sundevil
08-15-2003, 12:39 AM
Good collection. I liked them

midwtchamp
08-15-2003, 12:46 AM
Not too bad radical

Chemical Evolution
08-15-2003, 03:09 AM
:thumbsup: LOL

juggalo
08-15-2003, 03:27 AM
very tasteful in my opinion
good stuff

BLEED GREEN
08-15-2003, 07:58 AM
Excellent!

mcinfo
08-15-2003, 10:05 AM
Some are great

CzarShel
08-16-2003, 02:30 AM
What's the difference between a women and a trampoline?
You have to take your shoes off before you jump on the trampoline?

Why do blonds wear panties?
To keep their ankels warm.

Theres a blonde and a brunette in a elevator. And a man walks
in with really bad dandruff,so the brunette says "Someone
should give him head and shoulders" and the blonde replys "I
know how to give head but how do you give shoulders?"

Those with windows media player watch this:
http://216.127.90.17/~admin1/Low_WMP8/Farting_Preacher.wmv

Choke03
08-16-2003, 11:49 PM
Good stuff

1bigmus
08-18-2003, 01:13 PM
Thanks I needed a good laugh.

jaywooly
08-18-2003, 03:52 PM
I agree, good collection.