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midwtchamp
09-12-2003, 01:16 AM
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she glared at him and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.

With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the pool man and your brother."

midwtchamp
09-12-2003, 01:18 AM
Three women were talking about their love lives.

The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated."

The second said, "Mine is like a porsche; fast and powerful."

The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going."

midwtchamp
09-12-2003, 01:20 AM
A man was approached by co-worker at lunch who invited him out for few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it, that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work.

The co-worker suggested a way to overcome that problem: When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys.

So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night, he snuck into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he told her he'd be right back, got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the toilet.

"How did you get in here?" he asked.

"Shhhhh!!!" she replied, "Mom's visiting and you'll wake her up!"

bigshug
09-12-2003, 01:22 AM
OH MY GOD!!!!!

midwtchamp
09-12-2003, 01:24 AM
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he decided to go to the doctor.

He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day, the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife.

At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position.

The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Not that well ... when I fired the pistol, my wife peed in my face, bit 3 inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

midwtchamp
09-12-2003, 01:26 AM
A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married.

On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin."

The startled groom says "How can that be? You've been married 3 times before."

The bride responds:

"Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it.

"My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.

"And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was...............God I miss him!"

bigshug
09-12-2003, 01:27 AM
you're killing me mid

midwtchamp
09-12-2003, 01:30 AM
Your welcome lol glad to put a smile on someone's face....

radical_P
09-12-2003, 08:00 AM
those are great

huntergatherer
09-12-2003, 08:52 AM
Originally posted by midwtchamp
[

The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going." [/B]


reminds me of a couple nights of too much bourbon

BLEED GREEN
09-12-2003, 09:07 AM
The oral sex one....................Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

jackhust
09-12-2003, 05:25 PM
lmao

Saks
09-12-2003, 05:35 PM
the poor schmoe with the starter pistol. sounds like malpractice

Badgermoon
09-12-2003, 06:54 PM
those are great Mid... thanks for the laughs. But the oral sex one. That is such a wrong image. :laugh: