Dear Dr. Laura

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from
your show and try to share knowledge with as many
people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind
them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding
some of the other specific laws and how to follow
them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I
know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord---Lev.
1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor
is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what
do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman
while she is in her period of menstrual
uncleanliness---Lev. 15:19-24. The problem is how do I
tell? I have tried asking but most women take offense.

4. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may, indeed, possess
slaves---both male and female---provided they are
purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the
Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put
to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating
shellfish is an abomination---Lev. 11:10---it is a
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar
of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit
that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be
20/20 or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
including the hair around their temples---even though
this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should
they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a
dead pig makes me unclean. But, may I still play
football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by
planting two different crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He
also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we get the whole town together to stone
them? (Lev. 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to
death at a private family affair like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws?

I know you have studied these things extensively so I
am confident you can help. Thank you again for
reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

LMAOF!

lmao!!! #7....any wiggle room? lol

first of all, thats all from the old testament which was changed by Jesus dying on the cross. find that crap in the new testament and post it.

well, I knew this would stir the soup up.....

To each his or her own...

LOL.....Is it alright to own Mexicans or Canadians? I'd like to get a couple of them.

I like Auri's interpertation of the bible

Reprinted with permission from SM- J/K (this should be copyrighted)

The biblical story of the never ending bowl of creamed corn, as told by Auri..
Like a golden magical bowl that you eat creamed corn from? And the magic is that the creamed corn never runs out - kind of like that story from the bible, where Moses was walking around his flock of people, encouraging them to farm and make their own sustenance, but they were all lazy as hell, and they demanded some creamed corn. Now Moses was no farmer - but he knew the arid wasteland they were in, with the lush palm trees, hidden springs and streams, could never support corn fields. So because Moses was so wise, he climbed Mount Vesuvius, and called upon God to deliver unto him a vessel with never ending creamed corn. Now God was busy punished infidels back then, so the first couple of attempts, he gave Moses a boat, and then an arc. Moses got a good laugh out of that though - God's always such a goofball. Anyway, finally Moses brought down from the Mount, the golden bowl of unending creamed corn - but he also brought down a lot of ash and lava. He was able to part the lava and ash - because he had that parting thing going on - but the lazy slobs below had no chance. And Moses ate the creamed corn, and wish he had a biscuit, or even some corn bread - but then he laughed because he was insane. And while he laughed the cream corn sloshed around in the bowl, and Moses spilled some on him robe thing - which really pissered him off good. He was always such a priss.

And so the tale of the golden bowl was born. Or made. Whatever.


He should start Sunday school lessons.

ROTF nice

huntergatherer said:

first of all, thats all from the old testament which was changed by Jesus dying on the cross. find that crap in the new testament and post it.

Click to expand...

I agree!

I don't try to push my beliefs on others, and I commend people like Dr. Laura who have such strong moral "obligations" but if you are going to put down the bible, please try to understand that Christians live with the concept that when Jesus came many of the old testament decrees became unneccessary.

LOLOL
al i'am offened by the part about my country men( Canadians not the Mexicans )dam funny though
ahahhahahaha

Al's going to hell for this post lol...I will save you a seat bro!