radical_P
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Snappy Answer #1
> A flight attendant was stationed at the
> departure gate to check tickets. As
> a man approached, she extended her hand for the
> ticket, and he opened his
> trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a
> beat she said, "Sir, I need
> to see your ticket, not your stub."
>
>
> Snappy Answer #2
> A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys
> at the grocery store, but
> couldn't find one big enough for her family.
> She asked a stock boy, "Do
> these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy
> replied, "No ma'am, they're
> dead."
>
>
> Snappy Answer #3
> The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
> stopped for speeding rolled
> down his window. "I've been waiting for you
> all day," the cop said. The
> kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as
> I could." When the cop
> finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on
> his way without a ticket.
>
>
> Snappy Answer #4
> A truck driver was driving along on the
> freeway. A sign comes up that reads
> low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the
> bridge is right ahead of him and
> he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are
> backed up for miles. Finally, a
> police car comes up. The cop gets out of his
> car and walks around to the
> truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
> says, "Got stuck, huh?" The
> truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
> bridge and ran out of gas."
>
>
> Snappy Answer #5
> A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled.
> A single agent was rebooking
> a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
> Suddenly an angry passenger pushed
> his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket
> down on the counter and said, "I
> HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be
> FIRST CLASS." The agent replied,
> "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help
> you, but I've got to help
> these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able
> to work something out." The
> passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so
> that the passengers behind
> him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I
> AM?" Without hesitating, the
> agent smiled and grabbed her public address
> microphone. "May I have your
> attention please," she began her voice heard
> clearly throughout the
> terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14
> WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
> If anyone can help him find his identity,
> please come to Gate 14." With
> the folks behind him in line laughing
> hysterically, the man glared at the
> United agent, gritted his teeth and swore.
> "F*** you!" Without
> flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry,
> sir, but you'll have to get in
> line for that, too."
>
>
> # 6, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
> A college teacher reminds her class of
> tomorrow's final exam. Now class, I
> won't tolerate any excuses for you not being
> here tomorrow. I might
> consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
> injury or illness, or a
> death in your immediate family but that's it,
> no other excuses whatsoever!"
> A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised
> his hand and asks, "What
> would you say if tomorrow I said I was
> suffering from complete and utter
> sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its
> best to stifle their laughter
> and snickering. When silence is restored, the
> teacher smiles
> sympathetically at the student, shakes her
> head, and sweetly says, "Well, I
> guess you'd have to write the exam with your
> other hand."
>
> A flight attendant was stationed at the
> departure gate to check tickets. As
> a man approached, she extended her hand for the
> ticket, and he opened his
> trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a
> beat she said, "Sir, I need
> to see your ticket, not your stub."
>
>
> Snappy Answer #2
> A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys
> at the grocery store, but
> couldn't find one big enough for her family.
> She asked a stock boy, "Do
> these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy
> replied, "No ma'am, they're
> dead."
>
>
> Snappy Answer #3
> The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
> stopped for speeding rolled
> down his window. "I've been waiting for you
> all day," the cop said. The
> kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as
> I could." When the cop
> finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on
> his way without a ticket.
>
>
> Snappy Answer #4
> A truck driver was driving along on the
> freeway. A sign comes up that reads
> low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the
> bridge is right ahead of him and
> he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are
> backed up for miles. Finally, a
> police car comes up. The cop gets out of his
> car and walks around to the
> truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
> says, "Got stuck, huh?" The
> truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
> bridge and ran out of gas."
>
>
> Snappy Answer #5
> A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled.
> A single agent was rebooking
> a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
> Suddenly an angry passenger pushed
> his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket
> down on the counter and said, "I
> HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be
> FIRST CLASS." The agent replied,
> "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help
> you, but I've got to help
> these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able
> to work something out." The
> passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so
> that the passengers behind
> him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I
> AM?" Without hesitating, the
> agent smiled and grabbed her public address
> microphone. "May I have your
> attention please," she began her voice heard
> clearly throughout the
> terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14
> WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
> If anyone can help him find his identity,
> please come to Gate 14." With
> the folks behind him in line laughing
> hysterically, the man glared at the
> United agent, gritted his teeth and swore.
> "F*** you!" Without
> flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry,
> sir, but you'll have to get in
> line for that, too."
>
>
> # 6, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
> A college teacher reminds her class of
> tomorrow's final exam. Now class, I
> won't tolerate any excuses for you not being
> here tomorrow. I might
> consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
> injury or illness, or a
> death in your immediate family but that's it,
> no other excuses whatsoever!"
> A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised
> his hand and asks, "What
> would you say if tomorrow I said I was
> suffering from complete and utter
> sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its
> best to stifle their laughter
> and snickering. When silence is restored, the
> teacher smiles
> sympathetically at the student, shakes her
> head, and sweetly says, "Well, I
> guess you'd have to write the exam with your
> other hand."
>
