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Canadian_chick
07-01-2004, 02:19 PM
Hey guys,

I figured since this board has been so helpful in motivating me and providing me with info to get back into my old habits and great shape, it might also be able to give me a few tips about some personal problems. So here is the story(shortened version)...

I work at a coffee shop part time and have been there for a couple years almost, there is this guy who comes in every single day, from the very beginning i thought he was cute it was obvious that the feeling was mutual. He used to give me rides home before i got my car and finally he asked me out, we talked for a bit but nothing ever came of it. Fast forward to 4 months later he apologizes for his past behaviour and asks me out again, but once again no phone call. At this point i just feel irratated because he comes in everyday, we talk about everything, he shares a lot of personal stuff with me and one more time a few days back he gave me his new number, told me i should call, see his new place, go for drinks whatever...so that's basically the story.
My problem is I don't know what to do. I do like him, I see a different side to him when we are alone, so maybe some guys on the board can help me out. Do you ever do this to girls? and if yes why??? I just want a little honesty but i'm totally afraid its all a bunch of BS games. N E Ways, thanks for letting me rant, if anyone has any advice I'm all ears.

Take Care :P
(I think i'm gonna go workout to relieve some frustrations)

CzarShel
07-01-2004, 02:28 PM
I don't think I can provide you with much insight on that type of behavior, I'm not the kind of guy who like to play games at all.

But It sounds like he might be a littlie conflicted about how you feel toward him. He obviously likes you but perhaps he's not sure how much you like him, maybe he's acting that way to "play it safe" not wanting to run you off or say or do something stupid that would give you a bad impression of him? Or not wanting to seem a leach or overbearing with his feelings.

QueenofDamned
07-01-2004, 02:39 PM
how old is he? unfortunately, men don't grow up very fast (sorry gentlemen, it's true) and most guys (younger guys) really don't know what the hell they want in life.

in their late teens, early twenties, they have so much freaking naturally occuring testosterone in their systems, they are basically "walking hard-ons" :D and have a hard time making up their minds even with a gun pointed at their heads...

my advice (coming from an older woman;) )

play headgames with him, see how he likes it. tell him you will call and then don't. when you see him again, act like you don't really give a shit whether he's there or not.....

one thing i have learned about men....

they LOVE the thrill of the chase;)

good luck and don't fret it, there's a million men out there;)

CzarShel
07-01-2004, 02:52 PM
Ya see that's where I've always been different, I don't like games or the trill of the chase, I like upfront and all the cards on the table, If a girl wants to just get down and dirty with no commitment I'd like her to just come up and tell me "hey ya want get freaky" or if they like me and want to date I like them to just come out with it strait forward. I like a girl that approaches me and tells me what she wants. I'm not a chaser.

But I'm probobly the exception not the rule.

CzarShel
07-01-2004, 03:05 PM
my advice (coming from an older woman

What do you consider an "older woman" if you don't mind me asking, because you don't look that old, although you talk like you have the experience of an older woman.

PJT
07-01-2004, 04:05 PM
Czar,

I don't think you are the exception to the rule at all. I'm 24 and I feel the same way. I don't think guys like headgames at all. I mean, there are the few idiots out there who do, but I think that's a very overrated stereotype. No one has time or patience for headgames and it's not worth the aggravation at all.

Queen, I think you are right in the sense that men have no idea what they want, nor do they grow up fast, but I think you're advice couldn't be more wrong. Headgames are everything that is wrong with relationships today. As soon as a girl starts playing them...I'm out. I've been in 2 month relationships and also a couple of 2-4 year ones and I refuse to get back into one because it's all a bunch of games. When I finally meet a girl who's honest and trustworthy that doesn't only want attention, I'll be sold. Once the headgames start, the relationship is over.

Canadian, the advice is simple...if you feel comfortable talking to him and you both share personal things with each other, then talk to him about this situation as well. If you can't do that, then nothing will ever come of you two anyways. Or you could just ask him what he wants out of it.

Know what...F it, just play the headgames!

CzarShel
07-01-2004, 05:07 PM
Yeah now that I think about it its usually the chicks I've dated that like to play the games, I have a sweet littlie 23 year old blond dental asst. that doesn't play games now.

QueenofDamned
07-01-2004, 06:37 PM
Originally posted by CzarShel
What do you consider an "older woman" if you don't mind me asking, because you don't look that old, although you talk like you have the experience of an older woman.

sigh......if you really must know......
36.

CzarShel
07-01-2004, 06:49 PM
Damm.... I was way off, I would have guessed 24-26, but you talk like a more strait forward mature girl, that's what was throwing me off and why I had to ask.

shockfusion
07-01-2004, 07:36 PM
Canadian_chick,
It definately sounds to me like this guy is going through some difficulties in his life that you don't know about. If you have been talking to each other for a few months now and it has grown from chitty-chat small talk(Hello, how are you, nice weather today isn't it? etc..) to real personal stuff this guy must feel comfortable about you, almost like a friend. Have you mutually shared personal info? If yes, then this guy should know there is some interest here. If no, then maybe he is unsure. What about relationshps, do you know if he has been involved in any long-term relationships recently?
He could still have feelings for an ex-partner and have mixed feelings about starting a new relationship OR
He could have just been involved in a very nasty relationship and basically afraid of going through the same shit again.
If your case is that you already have a friendship going on I am more than certain that he is afraid of messing it up by going the next step.
He could have lost his job. I know of this one personally. Sometime, years back, I avoided this one woman all cause of that one f**king superficial question "What do you do?".
The possibilities are endless.

The reality canadian_chick is guys just don't play games. There is some reason for this going on. If you are interested in this guy don't fuck around and play mind games. The chase is fun(for me anyhow) but only at the beginning. If you see him again DONT show mixed body language. We hate this! Just be yourself ask a few questions and let HIM call you. If he still messes you around forget him.
We(guys) are good at hiding feelings and we hide under a facade but we are still just as sensitive as woman. We just show it differently.

blacktail
07-01-2004, 08:06 PM
well it seems that this happens to me as well! i call and leave a message and never get a call back!! why say you would like to go out and even give the right phone # but never return the calls!!!???

saturn1
07-01-2004, 08:09 PM
He sounds like a guy that likes getting sweated........he wants u to go after him so he can feel special.lol

Hell, ya cant generalize all men. It's hard to give advice on someone ya dont know. Good luck.

Canadian_chick
07-01-2004, 10:05 PM
I just want to say that you guys at this board kick A** !

Thanks so much for the advice, I felt kind of weird about sharing but now I have so much great feedback that I honestly don't feel as scared to go after it as I did this morning.

NE ways, I decided to call him, and talk to him, I'm gonna tell him what it is I want and ask for the same honesty back from him. At least this way I'm not going to sit here wondering how he feels.

Take Care
:)

saturn1
07-01-2004, 10:30 PM
Good move!

QueenofDamned
07-02-2004, 04:57 AM
Originally posted by CzarShel
Damm.... I was way off, I would have guessed 24-26, but you talk like a more strait forward mature girl, that's what was throwing me off and why I had to ask.

unfortunately.....maturity comes with knowlegde:(

PJT
07-02-2004, 09:57 AM
You act as if 36 is old? Besides, you look damn good for 36...and that's all that matters right?

Willieman
07-02-2004, 12:03 PM
36 is not old what-so-ever.....I'll take a 36 old any day, over anything younger...hold on...that my wifes age..:)...so if I had a choice I still wouldn't...so there!...

peace

CzarShel
07-02-2004, 12:14 PM
Originally posted by QueenofDamned
unfortunately.....maturity comes with knowlegde:(

That statement shows your knowledge and maturity.

deathknell3000
07-05-2004, 11:56 PM
Originally posted by QueenofDamned
sigh......if you really must know......
36.


Don't feel so bad. I'm 38.

QueenofDamned
07-06-2004, 12:32 AM
Originally posted by deathknell3000
Don't feel so bad. I'm 38. what drives me nuts is the fact im old enough to compete as a master, which i could never do....:p

deathknell3000
07-06-2004, 11:13 PM
Originally posted by QueenofDamned
what drives me nuts is the fact im old enough to compete as a master, which i could never do....:p

Why can't you?

panzerfaust
07-07-2004, 09:17 AM
It sounds like he was married or with someone,trust me i acted like that with women when i was still married,just my 2 cents.

QueenofDamned
07-07-2004, 11:54 AM
Originally posted by deathknell3000
Why can't you?

i will always compete open. ALWAYS! it keeps me feeling younger;)

just look at the winners of the ms.olympia, most of them are in their 40's. that's what keeps me going, by the time im 40 (ish) i WILL BE ms.olympia;)

deathknell3000
07-08-2004, 01:41 AM
Originally posted by QueenofDamned
i will always compete open. ALWAYS! it keeps me feeling younger;)

just look at the winners of the ms.olympia, most of them are in their 40's. that's what keeps me going, by the time im 40 (ish) i WILL BE ms.olympia;)

You should compete in both. It will inspire others like yourself and might actually get you a little extra publicity in the business if you start kicking some ass.

Lord Odin
08-18-2004, 12:11 PM
He is marred or has a g/f....His behavior translates to P.I.M.P. but hey don't hate the player, Hate the game...ha!Ha! Can't beleive I just quoted that...

Now all I need is a clock around my neck and wear some jeans hanging down to my ankles...

QueenofDamned
08-18-2004, 12:21 PM
Originally posted by deathknell3000
You should compete in both. It will inspire others like yourself and might actually get you a little extra publicity in the business if you start kicking some ass.

i get enough publicity;)

i don't feel that i should be competing in the masters category.....yet.

im sure one day i will (after i become Ms.O;) )