Stalkers

Hi everyone!

I need some advice. How do you get rid of a stalker? He is not the innocent follower like the ones in the past.

This one lives out of state, but has been to Michigan. He is my friends step brother. When I went to watch my friend graduate from college I met this guy. Very nice guy...until he came up to Michigan with my friend. He caught me alone and the rest I will leave silent (because there is no reason to say anything).

This kid thinks what he did to me should make me fall in love with him. Just like any other girl it made me shower constantly and wear baggy clothes. I was stupid for continuing to let him talk to me and be nice to him. I thought (stupidly) it would make everything go away. I slowly stopped writing back, answering the phone, etc. Then he started calling at all times of the day and writing nonstop.

When he kept asking me how I felt about him I "beat around the bush" and never really told him. Then one day he flat out told me he loved me and I have to share how I feel about him. I told him he was a nice guy (big lie), but that I did not love him the way he wanted me to. He went crazy after that. Telling me different things like I lie and that I'm a horrible person...most stuff I'm not sure what he said, b/c I'd hang up, delete the voice mails, or not read his stuff...besides the texts messages.

It's harder for him to get up here, but he does know where I live. I don't read anything he sends anymore, but he won't quit writing, calling, texting, etc. I get more and more nervous that he's going to come up and do something crazy. Is there a way other than calling the cops (b/c they can't do anything unless something happens to me) or doing something illegal. I'm starting to get really nervous.

Thank you very much!!!

sure the cops can, you can get a restraining order, other then that not much to do on ur part, sounds like a bad experience, from now on i think you need to be upfront and honest not to say this is ur fault at all but it may have changed the outcome here had u told him he wasnt ur type right away, i would get restraining order if i was afraid

I agree 100%. If you are scared, get the courts involved with a restraining order.

If he did something to make you shower excessively or make you change your appearance (wearing baggy clothers), you should've cut it off then. I'll be like he feels like he got lead on and it sounds as if he was. Sorry.

jaywooly said:

I'll be like he feels like he got lead on and it sounds as if he was. Sorry.

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That's still no excuse to harass someone. I don't know the whole story, but if someone says No and they don't want to be with you, deal with it and get over it...lead on or not. People end relationships/marriages every day, there is no reason to ever harass or stalk someone and make them live in any sort of fear just because things didn't turn out your way. Why anyone would want to be with someone who didn't love them back is beyond me.

Next time he calls I'd explain to him how you feel and tell him that if it persists you are going to get the cops involved.

get a big juiced up bf to whop the shit out of him

Thanks guys!!

Presser, you're right. That must be what people mean when they say my problem is I'm too nice. Maybe they are saying I need to tell people they're not my type, but that feels mean. What's a nice way to tell a guy I'm not interested?

Jaywooly, You're also right. I should have cut him off right then, but I was scared. I've never been over powered by a guy before, and in my sick mind...I thought if I was nice to him everything might go away...maybe it would make what happened not so dirty. Maybe the nightmares would stop. Maybe if I find away to actually like the kid I wouldn't feel like a dirty whore. It didn't help...I needed to realize what happened didn't make me a whore. I should have gotten some legal action taken, but I was so embarrassed. But then I started to realize every time he calls and demands me to feed him emotional bull...I just remember how he forced himself on me just as he was controlling me emotionally. I never thought that could happen to me...but it can happen and it can happen to anyone no matter how strong or emotionally strong they are.

PJT, thank you!! I'm glad you said that, because that helps me feel a little better. I think I will answer next time and tell him to quit calling or I'm calling up my police buddies. -- The scary thing...his step dad is a cop. But the officers I know would tell me that don't mean squat, but it feels like it does...b/c that gives him an edge.

MonsteronJuice, that might work too! :thumbsup:

Again, thanks everyone!!

This is a good way. Get a friend from NYC or NJ and call the guy up. Have your friend indentify himself as "Sal" and ask the stalker if he has ever watched "Goodfellas." Then have the friend start quoting Joe Pesci.

Seriously, get a restraining order.

we'll come help you

Buy yourself a 38 snub nose and pull a Jack Ruby on him!

Thanks guys! Y'all come help me, huh, supermannpc?

You all make me smile!! If I ever catch him following me (like others in the past) I will get a restraining order, because unlike the others I know he can be violent. If he lived near me I would get the court order right away, but for now it's just calls, writing, and other ways of communication.

And Presser, I guess you're right...well, I know you are, really. I will have to just straight up tell people. But you're also right, I've had them go nuts when I've told them I'm not interested. I use to have a couple of guys escort me when I was working out at the gym, b/c one man couldn't understand I wasn't interested and would follow me in and out of the gym.

Shouldn't all men realize that it doesn't make a girl fall for them when they are followed everywhere? It freaks us out more than anything.

I guess guys just look at it in their perspective. We do all the work usually. I am talking about approaching girls, asking girls out. I mean sure you as a guy get hit on too but when so see a girl you think is cute you go strike up a conversation. I have talked to a lot of girls about this. I have had girls have a crush on me but never talk to me, when I would talk to them after a while they would say, oh I wanted to talk to you but I was afraid you would get mad or some crazy shit like that. I would love it if every girl that thought I was attractive would follow me to my car-If in the real world they would not be Uh-whores. So maybe the dude thinks the same way? I don't know, I have tried coming on to chicks before and if I see they are not into it I leave them alone. Just the way it goes.

Following you out to your car wouldn't be too bad! In fact, that is an innocent gesture for a girl or a guy. That is how a friend and I met. He followed me out and we laughed about it later on, b/c at that time in my life I was skeptical of everyone and he could tell. =) He helped me overcome a lot!

Good memories there...now he's married!! Wow...and me...I can't even find someone to date (that I would have something in common with).

I wish girls would go up to guys more often too! Every time I think I have talked a lady into getting over her fears of asking a guy...another guy tells her how wrong it is for a girl to say she is interested in him. What a crock of bull!! I wish there were not so many gosh darn, panty waist, redneck, little old-time boys around here. Get in this century red neck punks!

For real, I don't know about redneck stuff when it comes to overcoming sexual fears. I think it is based on a changing nation, media influence and personal values. I am all for girls asking guys out as well as guys asking girls. I still open doors and all that other stuff but I am a big fan of going for what you want. I would say that is why so many relationships fail but the number are greater for blind relationships lasting by average. I can elaborate more but I will spare everyone.

if you really want to get rid of him forever..go visit him..kil his favortie pet and wear it like a hat,smear its blood all over your face and shit on his kitchen floor..or call the police and get a restraining order...or have someone big go kick the shit out of him..i personally like choice 1 its got some good flair..

irishpride said:

if you really want to get rid of him forever..go visit him..kil his favortie pet and wear it like a hat,smear its blood all over your face and shit on his kitchen floor..

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If that doesn't turn him off I'm not sure what will.

Any updates, has he tried to contact you again?

Thanks, Glen. I'm glad to hear you don't care if girls ask you out. I think it is important for a girl to ask the guy if she is interested, b/c I've had so many guys I have asked say they thought I was out of their league.--Turns out I always was, but you know... There might be a girl out there interested in a guy that thinks the same thing and therefore won't ask.

Irishpride, I think the first thing just might do it...sure would turn me off!! :satan: But I can't do that to a poor pet. You know what would work better though, and I wouldn't mind doing? Dumping all his beer out, but I'd better make sure I can run real fast. leased:

PJT, Thanks for asking! He has not tried to make contact with me in that last couple of days...let's hope he has given up. But he has left me alone before for about a month or so and then started back up again.

How can you be nice to a guy without them taking it wrong? Obviously, I made him feel like he had a chance of something, but I treated him like everyone else. Next guy that does/ tries something like that...I'm not leaving without at least giving them a bloody nose. I know that's mean, but at least they'll know I didn't fall in "love" with them. :thumbsup: