Dorian123 and I had a chat..

We had a talk about women and why in our present time and age its hard for men to find women to settle down with. Times have changed and so do people and per my conversation with Dorian123, women today seem to be less conscientious of a man's efforts in making a relationship work. Women seem to be more money driven and less appreciatve.

Now I think it has alot to do with the type of women a man is attracted to...there is no rule as to why some people seem to be more materialistic than others but i think its all in how you treat a person that makes them take advantage of your generosity. Dating must be hard for guys the older they get, because they seem to get more picky and look for single women who are more independant and really don't NEED a man to provide them with anything, so its easy to be taken for granted in a situation like that.

Now a woman with some sort of direction in her life, knows where she's going and what she wants is attractive indeed, but its the vulnerability and neediness of the female gender than a man is attracted to subconsciously.
A man LOVES to be needed and wanted..its a natural instinct for men to be providers...but why have we pushed it so far that relationships and marriages seem to fall apart due to a lack of communication, contribution and appreciation...?


What do you guys think?? What do you look for in a woman and why is it hard for you to date nowadays?

nvs

I'll go ahead and paraphrase the PM that I sent NVS

First of all for some, the jackassy posts that I put up, they are an attempt at DARK HUMOR. Hence, someone reads it and thinks, "that's the stupidist shit I've ever read." and finds amusement in it. Classic examples of dark humor would be House of 1000 Corpses or Natural Born Killers.

now that I've gotten older and have done the dating thing for well over a decade there are a few things that I look for in a women when I first start dating her...
1) A JOB-this is not for money reasons, I don't care how much money a girl makes at her job as long as she has one...in my experience if a girl is unemployed they have all day to sit around and think of things to get on my nerves (DRAMA)
2)DIRECTION- this lends itself to the above, if a girl is unemployed or is stagnent in her lifestyle she has no focus or direction-women's liberation has gone out the window (only when it's convenant)...and by the way that last statement only pertains to the majority of single women, I know plenty of married women that have 10x more drive than I'll ever know (see the last statement below)
3)a girl that can appreciate anything a guy does for her, in the past year I have lost count as to how many dates I've been on and out of all the girls that I have dated not a single one has said THANK YOU...
not offered to cook me dinner, not offered to help with the bill (not that I would allow it), not offered to return the favor in any shape or form-not that I ask them to or even expect it...but just took the time out to say THANK YOU

it's almost as if in this society girls think it's their god given right that a guy kisses their ass-think I'm kidding? CAN I GET A THANK YOU PLEASE :kiss:

I can't remember how many times I've met a girl and in the 1st 5 minutes of the conversation she says, "what do you do? how much money do you make? I'm a single mom and work only because I have to" and yes sometimes those are their EXACT words

guys, how many times have you met a girl and she said, "I don't care how much money you make I'm interested in you, not your money?"
probably about the same number of times you got a thank you :thumbsup:

10 years ago a buddy of mine told me, "the problem with guys like you is that your stuck with the left overs, because all the good girls have been taken."
I thought that was a bit negative of him, but here it is 10 years later and you know something-I think he was right.

I will agree with the fact that today many women have this attitude that they shouldnt do anything and men should shower them with gifts while all they need to do is spread there legs every once in a while. I think they get this twisted mentality from there mother and quite frankly its the reason why so many guys treat there women like shit. Its really disguesting when you stop to think of it. Now I'm not saying 2 wrongs make a right but when your taken for granted you dont really stop and care about what the other person is thinking.

I wrote in another thread what I think made women beautiful and quite honestly NVS exceeds what I wrote by leaps and bounds. It was only natural for me to want to be a with competitor b/c of this lifestyle but also someone who is caring, geniune, honest, and strongwilled. I wanted someone who could see past materials things. What matters is that you truly love that person for who they are not what they do, what there worth, etc.

I personally have always been a giver. I have alot of trouble letting people pay for anything and most of the time would rather pick up the tab myself. When i met Fonz it took some time for me to adjust to allowing him to treat me to things or do anything for me. But then again i have always been very independant and its not in my nature to take advantage of someone.


nvs

PEOPLE
Do y'all need a formal invite to partake in a debate?
Come on guys, let's hear it!



nvs

I think it's funny that our views change so much as we age. I used to look for someone that I wanted to grow old with and share my life with but now that I'm a bit older, married and still don't have any kids I've found myself being attracted to all these young 20 something girls that used to annoy the hell out of me and I wouldn't give a second look too. I think there's something deep down that tells me they're fertile and it's why I'm becoming attracted to them becuase I really want to have kids soon... Funny how mother nature works.

I don't think age necessarily has everything to do with it. I am 20 and it is very very very very hard to find a "good" girl that hasn't slept with everyone and that will be faithful. I have found one of those girls and I am deeply in love with her. I must say though that from my own experience women tend to want anything and everything no matter what the cost is. A LOT of girls are very very spoiled and are used to getting everything they want. My girlfriend is no exception. Her parents have money and she gets alot of shit. I am a college student and work a part time job and she wants things all the time and I can't afford it. We actually had it out bad on Valentines Day over this because I spent money on her for the occasion and she wanted to go out to eat and I told her I did not have enough money and she got mad a huffy about it. I let loose which probably wasn't the smartest thing to do but it really burns me up when people take things for granted. Another thing is is that women don't respect themselves like they used to. If you walk in a high school or college now and see the girls there the majority of them will disgust you. Now men are not angels either. A HUGE reason guys treat girls like shit is because that's what they wanted to be treated like. Nice guys finish last is usually a correct statement from what I have been through and observed.

You guys basically covered the basics of what goes through a lot of girls heads in my opinion. I can go to my college, pick out 20 random girls, and take them out on a date, talk with them for a week, and they would probably be willing to have sex. A lot of girls are easy these days, i love to have sex, but it has to be with someone else that respects themselves, and actually has morals to go along with it. Another thing, MOST girls like dickheads, not all, but a lot. If they get treated like there a queen, they will end up taken advantage of that, and treatin you back like crap, again, not all girls, but a lot. But dorian, all good girls are not takin, theres still a good bit out there, i just wouldnt recommend picking them up from a bar.

well bigworm let me tell you where I pick up girls-EVERYWHERE, gas station, grocery store, mall, bars, night clubs, art galleries, museums...pretty much everywhere but the gym...that is my time and I'm in so much pain when I'm in the gym all I can do is push myself. Look at the fuckers in the gym picking up dates, most of them look like shit-too much talk not enough lift.

And as far as treating girls like shit, YOUR RIGHT!!!
When I was in my early 20s I was the stupid shit standing outside in the rain holding flowers while some asshole was inside screwing my date-and chances are he probably didn't have anything going for him but hey he treated her like shit and she ate it.

Then one day something just snapped in my head and I became the asshole and all of the sudden I was getting laid left and right. Usually when I meet a girl I don't really care anything about her-I only have one objective, to get down her pants and she only has one objective, to get in my wallet...my job isn't to look out for her best interest it's to get laid. Now I don't even care about that, I'm just burnt out on the stupid ass game.

Everytime that I have ever dated a girl and started to care about her that's when things go to shit. WHEN I START CARING IS WHEN THEY STOP!!! That is if they ever even cared in the first place.

As far as the whole putting out on the 1st date or making a guy wait...that's all bullshit, too. Modern psychologists say that a person determines in the first 12 sec. of meeting someone, not if they are going to, but if they want to have sex with that person. I have dated girls for a month before we had sex only to find out that I spent a lot of money on them and the sex SUCKED!!! Anyone that says bad sex is better than no sex is full of shit. Once again, another stupid ass game...they know they suck in bed (no pun intended) so they are going to rip you for as much as they can before you figure it out. I give a girl 3 dates and she's history if we haven't had sex. I'm not waiting forever for her to make up her mind or get done playing her stupid game. Besides if that's the case she's probably sleeping with someone else, fuck him let him spend money on her...she'll give you a kiss when you walk her to the door and as soon as you leave she'll call him-I know because I use to be that guy. Now the whole thing just bores me...

and these are girls from all walks for life -age ranging from 20-45
I've dated quit an array, that's why I'm pretty much convinced that 95% of the single women out there are junk

something a buddy of mine once told me and I thought it was a little pestimistic at the time was, "when you first meet someone, the first thing you have to ask yourself is what's wrong with this person. Because if nothing is wrong with them they would have been taken by now"
he was right...

i personally prefer a more traditional role in a realtionship or marriage. my family has alot old old southern traditions and my mom always told me its just as easy to love a rich man as a poor man !!! that was a joke, but i dont have a problem myself doing all the cooking and cleaning and childcare in exchange for a man that'll work and let me stay home and enjoy a leisurely lifestyle, thats how i was raised. my mom stayed home and her mom stayed home ( they both became career women later in life after there kids were older ) and didnt have to worry about money. mabey this just apeals to me cause i do work and and do all the cooking. we do this, my hubby does outside chores and i do inside and that makes it even since we both have to work and take care of kids.

OK now something like what Noel described, I can understand-taking care of children is a full time job-the problem though is a lot of the single women out there have children and are looking for a pay check...like I want to work my high stress job to support someone else's kids-oh wait let me guess, as long as I love her that shouldn't matter...and as long as that paycheck keeps rolling in she'll love me. :greedy:

I have friends in my field that have housewives that take care of the children and the house, they are very supportive of their spouse. Keep everything in line, pay the bills, etc.
So all the husband really has to do is concentrate on the job-both are happy and everything works out.

Once again there aren't many women out there like that, the good ones have been taken. Most of the women are just looking for a patsy and when that well dries up they move on to the next one. :wave:

thats right the good ones like myself our all taken. lol keep looking dorian123 i am sure there is someone out there for you !

funny you say that, been hearing it for over 10 years now
think that "someone" for me is a Russian prositute half way across the world

sad thing to say but I have more respect for a prositute than I do for 95% of the single women in society today-at least a prositute works for her money, and at least she's honest, "give me $150 and you can have me for an hour"
hell guys think about, the oldest profession in the world and look how much time you save in the process
and I use to be such a nice guy :thumbsup:

Some girl must of cut your dick of bro, you sound pretty pissed bro....Relax man, shes out there

dorian123 said:

10 years ago a buddy of mine told me, "the problem with guys like you is that your stuck with the left overs, because all the good girls have been taken."
I thought that was a bit negative of him, but here it is 10 years later and you know something-I think he was right.

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very true. and all the women here should agree...they are all taken.

w000dy said:

Nice guys finish last is usually a correct statement from what I have been through and observed.

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also very true


_______________________

I think that the problem is, that woman have advanced so much opportunity wise in society, that they want ALL the man has AND ALL the women had. By that I mean, they want the job, the money, the decision making ability - yet they dont want to have to actually work and want to fulfill the traditional "female" role. But you cant have your cake and eat it too.

what really concerns me, as dorian stated, is that this is no age specific. You would think people would grow up and out of that shit, but they play the same games at 45 that they do at 20.

I've got me a "good girl", as far as I truely know, but I also know if it doesnt work out I will be completely like dorian (as if Im not enough already). I will NEVER actually have a relationship again after/if this one fails. I feel it is a lost cause. This relationship damn near didnt happen.

why areyou so negative twords single mothers, not everyone out there is lookingfor a free ride. there is allot of nice people out there ( women ) who where married and just got the short end of the stick and it didnt work out the first time for them. allot of single moms are actually more mature than all the bar fly's there age and are motivated to work harder than most people. i do agree though that there are some straight up ghetto lady's giving everyone single a bad rap. i think the good outways the bad here though ! how old are you if you dont mind me asking ?

I'm 20 and it's pretty bad that I have already been through this kinda thing at my age. There is not many respectful and good girls out there anymore that's for sure!

Dorian123
I have read all your posts and I have come to the following conclusion. You are a very nice guy who has had some very bad luck. You were obviously taken advantage of on different occasions and again, as I said earlier, Its probably YOUR CHOICE in women. You cannot make such a generalization as you cannot put all women in a box. Plus, there is nothing to respect in a prostitute just because you know she is going to take your money. That was not a wise statement.

Notice i asked you what it was you looked for in a woman, and all your responses were in one way or another linked to income potential. A woman with a JOB obviously made money, and a woman with DIRECTION obviously has the intention of making money. But what KIND of women are you attracted to???

In my line of work i come across various characters on an everyday basis and here is what kind of women you are drawn to: women who are emotionally unavailable, women who are shallow and self centered and proud, women who are spoiled and materialistic to begin with. Such women are usually attractive in the sense that they will spend all THEIR money and YOURS on their clothes and their hair and fine dining, women who care more about how you make THEM look than how you two look together.

That also says alot about you, my friend. You probably come from a family that had a reputation to maintain, or a family where people's perception of you mattered above anything else, a family where you HAD to meet certain standards to please others when in reality you wanted to be someone else.

I don't think you need to change the PLACES you pick up women, i think you need to change the women you pick up. You can pick up an average looking woman at a bar and she could be flat out broke and unemployed, yet she could love you to death for who you are and want nothing more than for you to love her back. And you may pick up a gorgeous woman in church and she couldn't care less for the person you were just as long as you could spoil her.

Try to change the standards that you hold your women to. Try going for someone you usually would NEVER consider dating and watch her change your perception on women and dating and love. You will finally realize that the problem was YOU all along.


nvs

move over dr. phil i think its time for the n.v.s show. you give such good advice.

noel said:

move over dr. phil i think its time for the n.v.s show. you give such good advice.

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awwwww I know a thing or two


nvs