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View Full Version : Problem!!! Need some advise before I kill someone.



Spiderman
05-21-2007, 12:10 AM
ok, listen to this. I like in a small town in Oklahoma right. Well, my sister and brother-in-law live here also, as well as his family and my parents. They just had a baby, my first neice or nephew, and I'm crazy about her. Well, Travis (brother in law) was a little wild a couple of years ago and was a punk to my sister for about a year after they got married. By that I mean he would leave her @ home, go out drinking, etc... I took him aside during that year and had a "little talk" with him, but I never touched the little guy. And he ended up straightening up. He's got a good job, he works hard, and he seems to have got things together. But I guess I was wrong. ONe of my buddies came over tonight and we were talking. He thought he should let me know that he was out last night and he saw Travis out completely hammered, on a weeknight, with my sister @ home with a crying 2 week old baby that won't sleep. He told me the whole story. First that night Travis went over to the neighbors house to have a few beers, nothing really wrong with that IF you don't have a wife @ home doing all of the crap you should be doing, but ok...I can overlook that occasionally. Well, he had a few too many and then went home, pissed my sister off b/c he was drunk, and then left and went back to the neighbors to drink some more. It was @ this point that he started telling everyone there how good of a job he had and how much more money he made than them (IT PISSES ME OFF THINKING ABOUT THE LITTLE PRICK). Well, then he said, he everyone...let's go to the titty bar, I'm buying. Ok, now I told you this is a small town...I went to high school with the manager of the titty bar. So this starts to look bad not only on my sister, but my entire family. So out there he starts getting beligerent and has to leave. Then, in the condition he's in he goes home. And I see him today, @ CHURCH, and he's the same guy that he's been acting like for the last couple of years. I don't know if my sis has been hiding it all, but she doesn't need a jerk off, ***got, prick face like that. I have ranted a little so that's good. Now the advice.

I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to whip his little ass or not yet. I know it will cause problems in the family if I do...but he needs something done. I talked to him before, didn't touch him, and so did my dad. But obviously this hasn't worked. I'm going to talk to my sis tomorrow and find out what really happened (@ least what she'll tell me) and then I'm going to go from there. What would you all do in this situation??? I mean if I do it, I'm leaving soon so I won't have to deal with all of it, but everyone here will still have to. If I do the same thing I did last time...nothing will change. And nothing may still change if my little sis is letting this shit happen..............I don't know. Advice please!!!

mrfreeze
05-21-2007, 12:35 AM
Spiderman you are doing the right thing by talking to your sister, maybe what she really needs is help getting out of there.
I hate fucking people like that, this should be the best time in his life.

dreww
05-21-2007, 05:15 AM
everything you say to your sister will be preaching to the choir. She's not dumb, she is just motivated to stay with him because she's probably faithful, married and has a child with him.

Im just saying, this is kinda a mind your own business thing. If I personally dealt with everyone asshole my sister brought home, I would be kicking asses right and left. But I cant make her make good decisions. She's smart, educated (masters) and logicial, but she does make the same mistakes over and over when it comes to boyfriends.

Spiderman
05-21-2007, 10:07 AM
You're right that she probably knows all of this already...but I just feel like there's something I should do. Something's got to change with this guy. I mean, I'm much calmer about it than I was last night, but still. And ya know I can definitely see why she is spending so much time with the parents, @ my house, etc..I feel like I should say something to the douche bag about being a good father...I mean i don't care if he drinks, hell i drink occasionally, but who the hell drinks on a weeknight when they've got a 2 week old baby @ hom and a wife who can barely handle things when he's there! The situation sucks, but I feel like I should do something. I wanted to talk to her first to find out if what i heard is actually true (which I'm sure it is) and then I'll probably go talk to him. I don't know if it will do any good and I guess I don't plan on doing anything physical to him right away. But if he's not scared that she'll leave him, b/c I don't think she will, maybe he needs to be scared of me. Maybe that'll keep him in line a little bit. I don't know...

Stickler*
05-21-2007, 10:14 AM
just don't allow your aggressions to fall back onto the passive side thier relationship.. meaning, don't let your threats on him (and his fear/frustrations of his situation), end up becoming an issue where he might take it out MORE either on your sister or thier child... and it doesn't have to something drastic... he could just be a little 'colder' to thier needs when he is home... crap like that... watch it man, it's touchy.. and ultimately.. you're sister is going to have deal w/ the outcome in whichever way she sees fit... most people don't concider leaving a marriage unless it's REALLY bad, and some people hang in there b/c of the child... especially if they are having trouble handling things when they are BOTH there.. imagine the fear in your sisters mind, if she thought she had to do it alone...

the mind is an amazing thing... it can help you break barriers mentally and physically.. b/c you believe... and it can trap you and allow you to 'tolerate' things b/c of the potential outcomes of each circumstance...

anyway, good luck bro... and unless you went to high school with the chief of police in the area... i'd avoid getting clinked over some douche bag when in the end... no matter what YOU do or say... your sister will still back him up untill SHE is ready to walk away..

Spiderman
05-21-2007, 10:20 AM
You're right...I should probably talk to her and then maybe leave it at that...I don't know. we'll see.

pincushion
05-21-2007, 11:39 AM
well i was a little prick myself once and there wasnt anything anybody could of done at the time to change me, but i just grew up and my love got stronger and stroner for my wife, well i guess what im saying is it will either work out or it wont but i dont think you getting in the middle of things will make things any better.

Spiderman
05-21-2007, 11:49 AM
you guys are probably right...it just sucks seeing family suffer.

Get_Swole
05-21-2007, 11:52 AM
alright my advice is to buy me a bottle of whiskey your only about an hour twenty from me ill come down there we can get hammered drunk and go see this guy ill do all the dirty work so you didnt do anything. :) honestly i think it has to be a little bit your business man i have a sis and she was with a fat lazy asshole that wouldnt even get a job. I finally got pissed off enough i went over there while she was at work. Didnt get physical cause when i got through ripping in to him he was about to cry. Needless to say it didnt work out and they got a divorce thank god they didnt have kids. I think you should talk to her and see exactly what she says tell her to do something about it or your going to cause your not watching your sis get shit on. If it happens again beat the holy hell out of the little prick. Maybe he will settle down and behave for another couple years lol.

Spiderman
05-21-2007, 12:10 PM
i got cha bro...I'm going to go over there and have a talk with the sis after I get out of work today. I will find out what she knows and make her tell me the truth. Depending on what she is going to do i will take him aside tonight and scare the shit out of him. Well see how that works. That's the plan for now. I think I'm calm enough to control myself around him now. I understand that this is her life and she can screw it up as much as she wants, but I'm not going to stand around and do nothing, I've seen him drunk before (completely trashed) and he has a problem controlling himself. He has little man syndrome pretty bad as it is and you never know what a shit like that will do to his wife or child when they're not in complete control of his emotions or actions. So, I will talk to him about being stupid around the baby and shit like that, and about being a good father...Fuck...I hate the little prick just thinking about it, but I'm not going to do anything physical to him, unless he initiates it (which I hope to God he does)

winneevee
05-21-2007, 12:14 PM
You will think of the right thing to do. You just need to take all of your anger out at the gym. Once you get your mind straight, you will think of something. Dont whip his @ss cause pricks like that are quick to press charges. I would talk to your sis and find out the whole deal.

Spiderman
05-21-2007, 11:22 PM
ok...I talked to her this afternoon about 3:00. She was very upset, but was handling it much better than I gave her credit for. Like I said before he has had a problem with this in the past, going out and drinking heavily when things aren't going well, but she said that he hadn't done it in a couple of years. I reminded her that their lives had been pretty easy for the past couple of years. She told him the day after he got back that if he ever left her and the baby again like that she was outta there. She doesn't believe in divorce, but she said she won't have her baby being around a dad who she can't count on to be sober when he wants to hold her. So that was good. She also said he made no excuses for why he did what he did, only that he knew it wasn't the right thing to do and that he was sorry. He did say that he was getting stressed with the baby not sleeping and working all of the time, but he knew that was no excuse for the way he behaved. He has been in alcohol counseling before (ordered by the state) and has been ok until now (minus one other time when they were in the process of moving). What impressed me most was that he admitted he needed counseling to handle some of the things that were going on and that he wanted her to come with him. That showed me he has his heart in the right place, just made a terrible decision. She told me that she would let me know if she wanted me to have a talk with him or not, but that she wasn't sure yet and I promised her I wouldn't do anything until she gave me the ok, unless something like this happened again. And how I realized it wasn't my business, but that it was brought to my attention from someone not there, meaning it is public knowledge and that concerned me. Well, around 6:00 tonight I got a knock on my door and there he was. So I went outside to talk to him. He apologized for what he had done and told me how much my sis and his daughter meant to him. He was visibly torn up at the whole thing. I feel much better about it than I did last night. I have no desire to rip his throat out anymore (unless it happens again, which I told him). But you know we all make mistakes. It's just that some of us are more adept at hiding them than others. I know I've made my share of em and if my wife's family found out @ the time they would've felt the same way about me I did about him. I have high hopes that this will work out b/c I do think they love each other...he's just got to get something different to turn to when things are going bad...but he knows that and he's trying. So there's the end of this post...I appreciate the comments and advice. It always helps to get an outside opinion and I'm glad I can do that on here without putting my family's dirty laundry out there for people in this small town to see. Thanks again. Peace

Spidey

dreww
05-22-2007, 12:55 AM
great, NOW go over there and kick his ass. When he starts questioning why, just say "think what I will do to you when I really am mad at you" :D

damn Im evil

Stickler*
05-22-2007, 02:02 AM
gotta say.... good to see he's more of a responsible dad/man than originally shown.. and it takes balls to admit wrong doing.. i will give him credit for that..

i used to be a loose cannon when it came to partying.. and since i've gotten married, i've slipped. and i've communicated... and communication is what makes a good marriage GREAT, even when the trials and tribulations of error are at thier worst..

sounds like even though he has some faults.. if he keeps to his word.. that he might be a pretty good man for your sister after all.... AND i'm not over glorifying this guy.. b/c your sister did the perfect thing... talked, made her point, stuck strong to values.. and apperently... did well.. kudos to your sister..

You my friend, handled like a good brother, a concerned family member, and as responsible as humanly possible under the circumstances... great job

see... you just broke the 'roid rage' concept... it's all textbook and in my eyes.. off topic.. roid rage is just an excuse for the immature to get into trouble and use thier increase aggression to give us responsible people a bad name!

mikeswift
05-22-2007, 10:53 AM
gotta say.... good to see he's more of a responsible dad/man than originally shown.. and it takes balls to admit wrong doing.. i will give him credit for that..

i used to be a loose cannon when it came to partying.. and since i've gotten married, i've slipped. and i've communicated... and communication is what makes a good marriage GREAT, even when the trials and tribulations of error are at thier worst..

sounds like even though he has some faults.. if he keeps to his word.. that he might be a pretty good man for your sister after all.... AND i'm not over glorifying this guy.. b/c your sister did the perfect thing... talked, made her point, stuck strong to values.. and apperently... did well.. kudos to your sister..

You my friend, handled like a good brother, a concerned family member, and as responsible as humanly possible under the circumstances... great job

see... you just broke the 'roid rage' concept... it's all textbook and in my eyes.. off topic.. roid rage is just an excuse for the immature to get into trouble and use thier increase aggression to give us responsible people a bad name!
Ditto that bro. very mature and supportive of you. I know one of my brother-in-laws is a real asshole but he loves and respects my sister and takes care of her and the family so I stay out of it but I know how hard it can be to mind your own business when it comes to the ones around you that you love.