My family is cursed. What the f*ck

I think that my family may be cursed. I just got the news yesterday that my uncle on my moms side of the family was just diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. They are getting ready to do surgery on him sometime this week or early next week. He has an artery or blood vessle pressing against his heart and it is going to cause a heart attack if something is not done to eleaviate it. Even if the surgery is successfull he's still going to die. I am really mentaly tired of all this shit that has happened to my family over the past 3 years or so. I can't take much more. I just lost my aunt on my dads side of the family due to lung cancer last year. It seems that its never gonna end. I just hope my mom can keep herself together.She seems to be the one suffering the most from all this. She will never say so,but I know that she is questioning her faith as well. I may be leaving for Florida within the next few days or so to see him and I may not be here for a week or two. I'll be honest with you guys. I havn't been the most positive or caring person for a while. I've been having thoughts of killing myself, but I could never do it because of my mom, brothers and my daughter. I see them and it gives me hope that things will be ok. I just don't know how my mom is going to take another death in the family. In the past 5 years or so I've lost my sister, my aunt, My grandfather and grandmother, my two best friends and I got cancer last year.I Thank god everyday for my second chance at life. But now my uncle is going to die and I'm starting to question weather or not my family is going to suffer forever. It just isn't fucking right for people to go through shit like this so often. Whats the fucking deal. Some people say god has a plan and path for all of us before we are even born but, I just don't understand that concept at all. I'm really starting to lose my faith and don't know if I will ever get it back. The thought that keeps going through my head over and over and over is if god is so loving and good than why do so many people in this world suffer like they do. I just don't understand it. My mom is one of the most caring and loving people I know and it seems that all this suffering is directed towards her in some way or another. I keep thinking, what have we done to deserve all this pain, and I just can't figure it out. I just want my family to be happy and it seems that we will never find it. I want to beleive in god, but all I see is pain and suffering in this world. As it stands now I don't know if I'm going to go to Florida or not. I really want to be there for my mom but, in all reality I don't even have the money to go down there. I feel like no matter how much I want to beleive in god, I just cant at this point. My father died in 1992 of a massive heart attack while he was at work and after that is when everything seem to start going bad. I was forced to grow up fast and hard after that. Ever since then its been an up hill battle to try and keep my faith and trust in god. But now I'm at the end of my rope and I have had enough pain in my world to last me a lifetime. All I can hope for at this point is that when I die, god will sit me down and explain his big master plan to me. I've done alot of soul searching in the latest years of my life and I keep on thinking, What if there really is no god , and what if the basis and concept of god and religion were only created by man to ease his thoughts of his own mortality. It makes sense dosn't it ? I still say my prayers and try and keep a positive attitude towards god and life, but it keeps getting harder and harder everyday. If god can send down a message from heaven 2000 years ago, why can't he do it now when it seems like the world is at the brink of destruction. Just a little something to give us hope that he really is there, thats all. Well, I will keep everyone posted on how things are going and I will let you guys know if I'm gonna be gone for a little while. But in all reality, I don't see myself leaving to go down there unless its for the funeral. I don't want anyone to worry about me. I really don't plan on leaving this earth anytime soon unless its in the space shuttle. And I don't see that happening any time in the near future. Brothers and sisters of MC., I would just like to thank all of you that have been moraly supportive to me in the past. You guys are pretty much the only people I can open up to like this. This place has been like a second family to me ever since I joined. And I want to say thanks. If you guys could say a prayer for my family I would greatly appreciate it. I havn't lost all my faith in god yet,so I will keep on going and hope for the best. Thats all I can do at this point. Thanks guys. Much love....TOOL

Brutha, I sincerely wish things were going better for you or your family. Questioning your faith is understandable at this point in your life, but deep down I think you realize that there is a God and he does have a plan. However, his plan is different for everyone...and I do believe we can walk away from his plan and do our own thing. I can attest to that myself. I walked away from what I believe God's plan is for my life at one point and I eventually got back on it, however it cost me a lot of heartache and trouble, not to mention the 6 years it took me to get back to where he wanted me. God is there and he can help you through this. Don't give up on him just yet. PM me if you need to talk sometime bud and again, I'm sorry that all of this is happening to you and your family right now. Let your mom know you love her and do the same for your uncle and then just go from there. I wish I could help more bud. My prayers will be with you and your family.

Spidey

Ok... I can say alot of different shit on this...

First of all... Tool... stop being a tool... don't be a pussy... and get your head on straight... alright, now that the 'tough love' is done ....

I wish you the best.. I give you my prayers... and I know you will be O.K.....

Here's why... I have had many many many trials in my life... you know.. curve balls... and the bottom line is... there are ALWAYS worse situations in someone ELSE'S life than yours... think of the guy on the street w/ yellow teethe, or yellow eye's... think of the person with missing limbs.... fuck that...

think of the people who have nothing and are freezing thier asses off tonight....

Listen... I"m catholic.. and I'd be a hipocrypte if I told you that I believe guilt and money dissolves your sins.... but ya know, it's a great basis for morality...

aside from that... religion, abortion, and politics i NEVER discuss with anyone.. too much opnions floating for my boat on those topics.... with that in mind.. you DO have prayers from me.. you WILL be O.K.... and more importantly... you will ALWAYS have a place to vent...

stay strong... lift strong.... live strong.... and be strong... and you will have STRONG support... always brother....

I'm just freaking out a little. I just gotta get my head straight. I feel like my head is just so clouded with all the negativity and I'm having a hard times seeing all the positives in my life right now. I'll make it through this like I do everything else. Sonner or later I'll be bullet proof because I won't have anything to lose.

This may sound callous but 'checking youself out' has to be, in my opinion the
cowards way out. (bro.,not dissing ya - there was a time in my life that is sounded
like the best option - I was just to big of a coward to do it) When you start thinking
like that, instead think about the people you stated - Mom, Daughter - and what
it will do to them. That has to make you stronger. You might not be here for
YOU but for THEM!!!!! All the best in toughing it out bro., and remember, with
all the negative mabey you can be the positive in THEIR lives. Luck bro.