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View Full Version : Lets hear some jokes!



gearedup
03-12-2002, 03:00 PM
I love jokes so post them here if you know any!

Gear101*
03-12-2002, 03:44 PM
did you get the barbie in a wheel chair joke is sent you last week.????

gearedup
03-12-2002, 04:21 PM
Hey bro thanks for the jokes but post them in this thread so it doesn't overwhelm the board with new posts!

ragintiger
03-12-2002, 05:06 PM
Penny Drinks...


A man walks into a bar one night.  He goes up to the bar and asks
for a beer.

"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"One penny!?" exclaimed the guy.

The barman replied, "Yes."

So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have
a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"

"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to
real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"Four cents," he replies.

"Four cents?!"  exclaims the guy.  "Where's the guy who owns this
place?"

The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."

The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."

Gear101*
03-13-2002, 01:49 PM
one for the ladies!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Women Came First
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?", comes the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man,' Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you, he'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball
about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

Gear101*
03-14-2002, 04:12 PM
Woman: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
Man: Definately not!
Woman: Why not - don't you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then , why wouldn't you remarry?
Man: Okay, I'd get married again.
Woman: You would? (with a hurtful look on heer face)
Man: (Makes an audible groan)
Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: Would she use my golf clubs?
Man: No, she's left handed.
Woman: ------silence------
Man: Shit.

Gear101*
03-14-2002, 04:48 PM
http://www.musclehedz.com/images/toons/urinal.jpg

Riftwood
03-15-2002, 09:50 PM
A man was on holiday walking along Bondai beach when he see's a stunning women laying on the beach. He finds it hard to resist so he strolls over and says "scuse me shela do you want a fuck" so the women turns around and says "No I fucking dont", so the man turns around and says "Well do you mind laying back while I have one"

Riftwood
03-15-2002, 09:52 PM
Heres this gnt with a stawberry growing out the top of his head so he gos to the doctors. Whats th problem the doctor ask's. Well, i got this fucking strawberry growing out the top of my head. the doctor turns around and says "Not to worry, ill give you some cream to put on it".

Gear101*
03-20-2002, 02:50 PM
>>>>>> > > Take a beer and send the truck to all of your friends!!!!

>>>>>> > >
>>>>>> > > |~~~~~~~~~~~~\ ||
>>>>>> > > | B u d w e i s e r l l l |'""|""\|_| )
>>>>>> > > (@) ! (@)" " ""* *|(@) (@)** * *|(@)
>>>>>> > >
>>>>>> > > 16 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...
>>>>>> > >
>>>>>> > > 1. It's an incentive to show up.
>>>>>> > > 2. It leads to more honest communications.
>>>>>> > > 3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
>>>>>> > > 4. Employees tell management what they think, not what
>>>>>>they want to
>>>>>> > hear.
>>>>>> > > 5. It encourages car pooling.
>>>>>> > > 6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad
>>>>>>job, you don't
>>>>>> > > care.
>>>>>> > > 7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather
>>>>>>come to work.
>>>>>> > > 8. It makes fellow employees look better.
>>>>>> > > 9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
>>>>>> > > 10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they
>>>>>>are wasted.
>>>>>> > > 11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
>>>>>> > > 12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to
>>>>>>relax at the
>>>>>> > > bar.
>>>>>> > > 13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
>>>>>> > > 14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on
>>>>>>their lunch break.
>>>>>> >
>>>>>> > > 15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
>>>>>> > > 16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer
>>>>>>be seen as
>>>>>> > > gross.
>>>>>> > >
>>>>>> > > Take a beer and send the truck to all of your friends!!!!

Gear101*
03-26-2002, 02:51 PM
http://www.musclehedz.com/images/toons/thanksladies.jpg

tiny
03-26-2002, 02:57 PM
http://www.hebus.com/cat/info/funny/funny_001.jpg