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Gear101*
03-12-2002, 03:52 PM
Subject: Southerners

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to
the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt
to the difference in lifestyles.

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes. The South has 'mater samiches.

The North has coffee houses. The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services. The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives. The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names. The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy. The South has Jesse Helms.

The North has an ambulance. The South has an amalance.

The North has Cream of Wheat. The South has grits.

The North has green salads. The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters. The South has crawdads.

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to
help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Don't buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural; "all y'all's" is
plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective big <!--emo&OL--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/butbut.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='OL'><!--endemo-->&#39; truck or big <!--emo&OL--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/butbut.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='OL'><!--endemo-->&#39; boy. Most Northerners
begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in
denial about it.

Be advised that &quot;He needed killin&quot; is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, &quot;Hey, y&#39;all, watch this,&quot; you should
stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he&#39;ll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery
store. &nbsp;It doesn&#39;t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go
there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they
are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don&#39;t think
we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in
the oven, we wouldn&#39;t call them biscuits.

HAVE A GOOD DAY&#33; Send this to four people that ain&#39;t related to ya, and I
reckon your life will turn into a country music song fore you know it&#33;

PhatSack
03-12-2002, 04:35 PM
Other comparisons-

North-Freeze your fucking nuts in the ground
South-Good Weather year round

North-Expensive as fuck to live
South-relative affordable to live

North-good looking women
South-great looking women