A
Auriflex
Guest
Be honest! Or lie, hehe.
Boy, what is up with me? I strut around like I'm God's gift to the world or something. I think I'm so fascinating, I'm convinced everybody's just dying to listen to me ramble on about myself for hours on end. It's getting more obvious to me every day: I think I'm such hot shit!
When I look back on my life so far, I realize I've never accomplished anything terribly meaningful. I'm okay-looking but not stunning, I earn a modest living, and I certainly don't expect anyone to remember me 20 years after I die. But you wouldn't know that from the way I tell it! Yup, I pretty much think the sun shines out of my asshole.
A few months ago, I bought a new car, a bright-red 2000 Pontiac Firebird. And, of course, for weeks after I got it, I made a big, fat, hairy deal about it at work, making sure everybody saw me in it when I arrived each morning. "Ooh, look at me in my new car! Aren't I cool?" I would practically scream as I fought to get the most visible parking space in the company lot. Sure, a Firebird is a decent sportscar. But it's not like it's a Ferrari or anything. What an annoying showoff I am. And without all that much to show off about.
Oh, and I'm always cracking jokes, too. I think I'm so fucking funny. I think I'm a regular Jerry Friggin' Seinfeld. It doesn't matter who's talking or what the context is, I'll always butt in with one of my lame quips. Or, if you try to tell a funny story, I'll get jealous and chime in with some stupid pun, just to draw the attention back to me. Because I always need to be the star. What a big baby.
I've come up with a few theories as to why all of this is. One is that I'm an only child, and my parents spoiled me and cooed over every stupid thing I did no matter how dumb it was, so I grew up thinking the whole world would coo over me, too. Another is that I'm insecure about my many sexual inadequacies, so I try to compensate for them by being as socially dominant and overbearing as possible.
Whatever the reason, one thing's painfully clear: I need to be put in my place. Wouldn't it be fantastic if some fed-up co-worker of mine took me aside and informed me that everyone around the office is sick and tired of me and would love it if I stopped being such a self-centered, loud-mouth, know-it-all prick?
On the other hand, you can't just tell a stuck-in-his-ways 31-year-old, "Please promptly rewire your entire personality so that you're no longer an incredible asshole." No, telling me off wouldn't work. And firing me under a phony pretense wouldn't either. Knowing me, it'd just lead me to file some sort of formal grievance against the company or, better yet, some bullshit discrimination lawsuit.
So I guess I don't know what to suggest for a solution. It's looking like I'll die thinking I'm hot shit, not having the slightest clue what a cocksucker I am. I tell you, people like me never learn.
When I look back on my life so far, I realize I've never accomplished anything terribly meaningful. I'm okay-looking but not stunning, I earn a modest living, and I certainly don't expect anyone to remember me 20 years after I die. But you wouldn't know that from the way I tell it! Yup, I pretty much think the sun shines out of my asshole.
A few months ago, I bought a new car, a bright-red 2000 Pontiac Firebird. And, of course, for weeks after I got it, I made a big, fat, hairy deal about it at work, making sure everybody saw me in it when I arrived each morning. "Ooh, look at me in my new car! Aren't I cool?" I would practically scream as I fought to get the most visible parking space in the company lot. Sure, a Firebird is a decent sportscar. But it's not like it's a Ferrari or anything. What an annoying showoff I am. And without all that much to show off about.
Oh, and I'm always cracking jokes, too. I think I'm so fucking funny. I think I'm a regular Jerry Friggin' Seinfeld. It doesn't matter who's talking or what the context is, I'll always butt in with one of my lame quips. Or, if you try to tell a funny story, I'll get jealous and chime in with some stupid pun, just to draw the attention back to me. Because I always need to be the star. What a big baby.
I've come up with a few theories as to why all of this is. One is that I'm an only child, and my parents spoiled me and cooed over every stupid thing I did no matter how dumb it was, so I grew up thinking the whole world would coo over me, too. Another is that I'm insecure about my many sexual inadequacies, so I try to compensate for them by being as socially dominant and overbearing as possible.
Whatever the reason, one thing's painfully clear: I need to be put in my place. Wouldn't it be fantastic if some fed-up co-worker of mine took me aside and informed me that everyone around the office is sick and tired of me and would love it if I stopped being such a self-centered, loud-mouth, know-it-all prick?
On the other hand, you can't just tell a stuck-in-his-ways 31-year-old, "Please promptly rewire your entire personality so that you're no longer an incredible asshole." No, telling me off wouldn't work. And firing me under a phony pretense wouldn't either. Knowing me, it'd just lead me to file some sort of formal grievance against the company or, better yet, some bullshit discrimination lawsuit.
So I guess I don't know what to suggest for a solution. It's looking like I'll die thinking I'm hot shit, not having the slightest clue what a cocksucker I am. I tell you, people like me never learn.
A
Auriflex
Guest
Occam, I haven't laughed so much since my daughter fell down the stairs. Keep posting!
Enchantra
New member
<!--QuoteBegin--Auriflex+April 02 2002,5:25--></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (Auriflex @ April 02 2002,5:25)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"><!--QuoteEBegin-->Occam, I haven't laughed so much since my daughter fell down the stairs. Keep posting![/quote]
ur horrible auri
ur horrible auri
<!--QuoteBegin--occam+April 02 2002,9:15--></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (occam @ April 02 2002,9:15)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"><!--QuoteEBegin-->So I guess I don't know what to suggest for a solution. It's looking like I'll die thinking I'm hot shit, not having the slightest clue what a cocksucker I am. I tell you, people like me never learn.[/quote]
you sound just like me .. and here i thought i was special .. <!--emo&?.--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/unhappy.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='?.'><!--endemo-->
you sound just like me .. and here i thought i was special .. <!--emo&?.--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/unhappy.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='?.'><!--endemo-->
DecaDent*
New member
<!--QuoteBegin--morbid316+April 02 2002,10:35--></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td>Quote (morbid316 @ April 02 2002,10:35)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"><!--QuoteEBegin-->I get my share of babes so i must be some sort of a sex god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/quote]
Morbid you can only count the ones you don't pay for,Ho'z go into a separate catagory.
<!--emo&**--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'><!--endemo-->
Morbid you can only count the ones you don't pay for,Ho'z go into a separate catagory.
<!--emo&**--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'><!--endemo-->
B
basskiller
Guest
"Think"....Wrong word...."Know" is more the case in my book! LOL
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