question about true love?

so some of you know who my close friends off the boards my woman and i have hit a wall a few days ago and i'm completely lost now.....everything was perfectly fine and then she just did a 180 on me....now she made a list this morning and now she texted me that the list means she loves me for all the wrong reasons....i'm so confused...the list would seem very positive....what is the meaning of "i love you for all the wrong reasons" when it pertains to this this below....she bolded several of them:

Why I love him:

He’s the most loving man I’ve ever met.

He’s honest
Sweet
Thoughtful
Romantic
Sharing
Sexy
Handsome
Strong
Fantastic Kisser
Makes me feel so safe
We have memories together
I love being out with him
I love staying home with him
He stays up all night just so I can sleep
He remembers everything I say or do
He’s had experiences
He’s intelligent about retail and business
He’d do anything to help me succeed
He’ll do absolutely anything to make me happy
He loves me the way I am



Why I don’t love him

He’s socially awkward
He embarrasses me in front of my friends, sometimes
Loud
Repetitive
Can only carry conversations about politics or body building
Interruptive
Turns any conversation I try to start into a conversation about politics or body building
Doesn’t go out and have new experiences without me
Tells complete strangers his life story
Poor body image
Insecure
Talks big but with little results
Calls and Texts constantly despite the fact he claims that isn’t necessary
He doesn’t trust me even when I’ve given him no reason to be distrustful
He remembers everything I say or do
He tries too hard
Bull-Headed



What I love about myself when I’m with him

I feel stronger
I feel sexier
I feel like taking better care of myself
I like being able to look after someone
I feel wanted and needed
I have dreams of him loving me forever



What I don’t love about myself when I’m with him

I tune him out when he talks sometimes
The little things really bother me
I go mute when I can't figure out what is bothering me
I feel small when he talks to me sometimes
I still feel like I'm missing out on something
I have a hard time saying "No" to him

Well, as a girl, I don't know if I can help but it sounds like she feels like you're the best thing that ever happened to her, but that she's insecure about herself.

At the end she notes "What I don’t love about myself when I’m with him... I still feel like I'm missing out on something". Sounds like she's trying to give herself excuses why you don't work and she's looking towards the other side of the fence (so to speak) for answers.

The thing is... more often than not, the grass is NOT greener on the other side. Every relationship has positives and negatives.

Jon can tell you... a couple of times a month, I flip my lid and go on an "OMG! We are never going to work!" fit, but in all honesty, everytime I've thought I've lost him, it was the worst feeling in the world. I don't want anyone else! I can't imagine (nor do I want to) being with anyone else. I'm still working on a way to be better about handling my issues between us, but the point is that I KNOW I'm not missing out on anything. The only way I'd be missing out on something would be if I WEREN'T with him.

You should probably try to talk to her so she can personally clarify what it is that she means, but if you love her, fight hard and let her know she's worth fighting for and that your problems can be worked out. If she really doesn't want it to work and really feels like something better is out there, then sadly friend, you may have a bigger issue on your hands.

I'm sorry. I hope you guys are able to sort it out...

well she recently was demoted due to company downsizing and has admitted she feels in limbo career wise as well as she's on anti-depressants and about a month ago realized they're not working that well anymore so when she says "i still feel like something is missing" i'd like to believe those things are the root cause of that......she makes me absolutely miserable

Oh, well that makes a difference then. If the piece that's "missing" doesn't have to do with the relationship, then it's very possible that the other variables you mentioned are contributing to her unhappiness. Maybe she doesn't know how to deal with everything and is just taking it out on you (not necessarily meaning to)?

I still think talking to her to understand her point of view, especially on the bold points, will help you to understand why she's suddenly having a supposed change of heart.

Coverup , self insecurity that she cant see because of pride.

Everybody is the same , unless they take a step back outside of themselves they "almost" always put blame or point out problems about other people.

Its give and take , and she points out problems about herself which gives deeper insight that its mostly about her. The world and its people dont cope to you , you have to cope with it.

Sit down and talk with her , and work on the things she feels she doesnt like or that is bugging her , but she needs to work on them too.

Chris-Winfield said:

Sit down and talk with her , and work on the things she feels she doesnt like or that is bugging her , but she needs to work on them too.

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Truth! It's a two-way street... one has to realize their own flaws in order to be able to learn, grow and change for the better... or at least, so that a compromise could be made.

it's funny because all the male responses are pretty much telling me to go get another chic and all the female responses amongst my friend are telling me to not contact her at all for a few days and she'll be back....it's absolutely destroying me....i did have a female friend talk to her last night and apparently her job situation is a major major factor in all this,but also she wants me to either stop steroids or reduce them to a minimum....i have over the last couple months jacked up my numbers considerably and didn't realize i'd started being too cocky and a dick....she could never tell me this about the steroids....i can't just stop completely, but i'm not looking to be a pro so i really don't need 2g test/wk anymore either.....i hope she'll accept if i go back to just basic cycles and trt....going completely off isn't a choice i'm willing to make but i will admit the experiment on my body with compounds was pretty dumb

I think if the time invested in the relationship is a lot, you should sit down and talk about it.
As mentioned in a previous post, there are outside circumstances that need to be addressed by her in order to make anything work.
Best of luck.

Lets us know how it works out , and just be patient and try to have a good pride aside conversation between the both of you.

Chris-Winfield said:

Lets us know how it works out , and just be patient and try to have a good pride aside conversation between the both of you.

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i plan on it....i'm going out for a buddies bday party tonight....she did text me earlier today something random about a club i was to bounce at that she heard it still sucks and is still full of hiphop types.....i want to read into it that it's a sign that she was thinking about me at least......i really want her to know i'm going out tonight without her and trying to have fun....i'm torn on answering my phone though if she calls....if i don't respond then she could say that i wasn't there for her when she might have really needed me....if i do answer them i'm too easy.....she also texted that all my girl friends responses are right and to listen to them and just give her some time....

Well if she's the one who "needs space" then she shouldn't be texting you or looking for you when you're out later. That's saying one thing and doing another, so while it may be hard as hell for you to not talk to her for a night, try your best and resist as hard as you can to give her her space. Maybe if she realizes that you might actually listen to her, she'll get scared and understand that losing you *could* be a real possibility. Try to have a good time tonight. Be strong!!

things will probably work themselves out if you dont stress over it. The less stress you let yourself feel , the less stress you can carry over or transfer onto somebody else.

Chris-Winfield said:

things will probably work themselves out if you dont stress over it. The less stress you let yourself feel , the less stress you can carry over or transfer onto somebody else.

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i know.....i've lost 8lbs in 3 days and have only been able to eat 3 meals and drink some beers......i skipped legs today.....i've never been patient but have to be now....and i didn't have fun tonight.....it seemed everyone out was with their spouses or better halfs and i was the only single person.....i am absolutely miserable without her.....and before anyone says anything I have been in love before and know the difference....but this is so much more than that and i can't describe it.....i feel this much more

we both went out with different friends last night and exchanged a few small texts.....the last one i sent her was: as much as i tried to have fun it didn't feel right.everyone was with their spouse or better half.when you are ready we need to talk.

her response was: I know what you mean.I was out with all couples too.Another reason why I came home early.We'll talk soon, but I just need to sort out my feelings a little more.

i read your story to my girl last night and she was damn near crying saying thats shes not alone and she shares alot of the same feelings as your girl. i know from experience that there is ALOT worse things you could be. i think its great you have a passion for this sport and you really love your girl and when its all said and done it will be fine just keep your head up. life, like bodybuilding has peaks and valleys just ride it out you will pop out the other side soon this shit has happened to me more than a little, good luck

steph said:

Well if she's the one who "needs space" then she shouldn't be texting you or looking for you when you're out later. That's saying one thing and doing another, so while it may be hard as hell for you to not talk to her for a night, try your best and resist as hard as you can to give her her space. Maybe if she realizes that you might actually listen to her, she'll get scared and understand that losing you *could* be a real possibility. Try to have a good time tonight. Be strong!!

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got to agree. I been around a long time and been on both ends of it.
Bro., I DO know how you feel. If she thinks there is a chance she may
really loose you she will be singing another tune. Try to be strong - and
you can be there for her if she needs you but you have to show her you
can be OK by yourself. (even if you dont think you can - pretend!!!)
When we were going out my wife (married 19 yrs.) went thru this. I had
already been thru it on both sides with others - I told her I wanted to
work it out but if she wanted it that way it was OK because I was OK
before her and will be OK after her (pretend being strong) She told me
later that really made her look up to me more, being strong like that.
These are the things we go thru that makes us the who we are - kind,
loving and STRONG. Luck bro. and keep us posted.

i'm trying to analyze everything and have done my best to just ignore her (less one text or email each day).....i just don't understand how someone you can be in daily multiple contact with for a half year can just totally ignore someone they claimed to be in love with.....i texted her last night

good night....i hope you're feeling better

she responded: good night....i miss you, but i have to do this...i have to go on alone for a while if i'm ever going to stop hurting myself and others

i responded: I know....don't forget about me....i'll always be here if you need me...

she responded: I won't...I wish I could make you understand what goes on inside my head, why exactly I need to take time away from you...

i responded: I know...i understand a little....call me sometime...my birthday is friday...

she responded: I know....I will....now go to sleep (smiley face!)




i'm so confused still as to what she means....the easiest thing to do is just replace her with another chic, but that's not what I want....i wasn't this distraught over a chic before and that includes my exfiance who i was with for 5 years....she hasn't defined to me if i'm supposed to move on without her or to just be patient and wait for her and for how long?

edit: about an hour ago today monday afternoon without me first she texted me: "I want to celebrate your birthday with you, but i think either that would be akward or cause me to do something impulsive i'd regret later (unhappy face insert)".......

i think her text was in response to a post on facebook i made about winning a party for 10 people to the comedy club friday....the irony in that is that's what our first date was

update: after she texted me she wanted to spend my bday (friday) with me but thinks it might be akward or cause her to do something impulsive that she'd regret later

I texted back "the only reason it would be akward is because you haven't defined to me if i'm supposed to move on or to be patient and wait for you....stop messing with my head"

a few hours later her response was: "it doesn't work that way...think of it like this, i'm addicted to you, but i know you aren't good for me, but i'm compelled to come back"

my response: "what if I say you can't spend my bday with me, but may breakfast instead"

her response: "I shouldn't see you at all"

as hard as it's going to be I need to move on.....she's either really deeply in love with me and scared or she's completely nuts!

you guys all suck!.....all your points are considered.....i don't like them, but you're all truthful in your own experiences that i should listen to what you say....part of the equation is that my work situation (non-existent once again) may have been adding to her lack of worth and my confidence has dwindled over the last month.....i had another interview this morning and am scheduled to take some test at the community college and got my FAFSA done so I'm starting to feel much much much better.....I'm also cruising now at 300mg test e/wk....which up until last week I was at 1800mg/wk + 350mg tne/wk (I should have tapered down, but drastic times call for drastic measures) so even though I feel much lighter I'm feeling more agile to where I'm thinking about getting rollerblades or some other hobby this spring/summer...I'm starting to feel better about myself again....now I need to build daily on this.....I was so eager to find someone and settle down that I stopped being me.....now all this could change and I'm not going to lie, if she calls me today and says she's sorry and wants to see me it's going to be hard to say no.....remember in all this that for 9 years cocaine was my girlfriend and best friend and I dropped it and got back into bodybuilding and had a few flings, then she came along.....

LOL. She looooves the sassage, is what it sounds like to me. That community college will soon keep your mind off, especially if you' re loading up on classes. To move on ya gotta constantly keep moving and doing things to keep your mind busy cause the minute you get idle and stop and think and remember her you will be in trouble cause thats when your mind will start to fuck with you.
Now start movin' like ya got purpose.
Best of luck!

ya, she texted me late last night "the things i put on the second list, are those things about yourself you've wanted to change or are those things you weren't even aware of?"

my response: "some i was aware of and willing to work on,but i'm not going to change WHO I AM and some i didn't know.you're right, i'm not good for you, but the potential is there"

her response: "OK, I want to see you, but Laura has to clear some bugs out of the work schedule,so i don't know exactly what my schedule looks like in the coming days"

i'm going to try my best just to love and have fun with her without getting too deep into conversation.....I think I have to build that part up again before we get overly detailed on things