Infidelity question...

So this conversation came up at work today and I'm curious to hear a male perspective now...

If your partner came to you and confessed to cheating, would you stay with them back and try to continue the relationship or would you send their ass packing? If you stayed in the relationship and tried to work past the issue, would it be fair for the victimized partner to get a "free pass" to "level the playing ground", so to speak?

I know two wrongs don't make a right, but in my world, cheating is all sorts of wrong so at that point, the rule book gets tossed out the window. I say... if you don't walk away, that bastard (or bitch) still needs to feel some sort of punishment for their wrongdoing so they know what kind of emotional hell they put you through!

So what's you guys' take on this? Have you ever been in this situation before? If not, what do you think you would do?

steph said:

So this conversation came up at work today and I'm curious to hear a male perspective now...

If your partner came to you and confessed to cheating, would you stay with them back and try to continue the relationship or would you send their ass packing? If you stayed in the relationship and tried to work past the issue, would it be fair for the victimized partner to get a "free pass" to "level the playing ground", so to speak?

I know two wrongs don't make a right, but in my world, cheating is all sorts of wrong so at that point, the rule book gets tossed out the window. I say... if you don't walk away, that bastard (or bitch) still needs to feel some sort of punishment for their wrongdoing so they know what kind of emotional hell they put you through!

So what's you guys' take on this? Have you ever been in this situation before? If not, what do you think you would do?

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if you loved them enough, you might be able to work through it. If you want to stay with them to put them through the same hell...... thats called being spiteful/vengeful, and actually quite adolescent. I guess like eveything in this world, totally up to the individual (where and how they were raised, morals,integrity,etc)

steph said:

So this conversation came up at work today and I'm curious to hear a male perspective now...

If your partner came to you and confessed to cheating, would you stay with them back and try to continue the relationship or would you send their ass packing?

Click to expand...

It depends who it is and how long we've been together, how much I have invested in the relationship, etc. It may be possible to work through it, it's hard to really say without being in that position. I know that if my wife ever did that to me, I would never be the same person again.

steph said:

If you stayed in the relationship and tried to work past the issue, would it be fair for the victimized partner to get a "free pass" to "level the playing ground", so to speak?

Click to expand...

I don't think so. I agree with h8, it's childish and vengeful. Not only will it not make anything better or easier, but chances are high it will make things worse. It you're going to work through something like that, you need to start over building a foundation of trust. Nothing more detrimental to that than having the other person cheat to get even.

steph said:

I know two wrongs don't make a right, but in my world, cheating is all sorts of wrong so at that point, the rule book gets tossed out the window. I say... if you don't walk away, that bastard (or bitch) still needs to feel some sort of punishment for their wrongdoing so they know what kind of emotional hell they put you through!

So what's you guys' take on this? Have you ever been in this situation before? If not, what do you think you would do?

Click to expand...

I had girls that cheated on me in middle school, and even in high school. Heck, I did some stupid things when I was that young too. Luckily I've never had someone I seriously cared for put me through that. I don't think that a 'punishment' is the right course of action though. Relationships should be based on love, forgiveness and compassion. If two partners are truly equals, how can one rightfully 'punish' the other? Anyway, that's probably too sappy for a lot of you in here so I'll end it here.

Send their ass packing, but thats just me. Cheat once you'll cheat twice.

get rid of them, once you've lost the trust you're never going to get it back...
I guess that things get a little complicated when you have children and such-I don't so I won't put up with it....

I'm on the road a lot for my job and there is no way that I'm going to bust my ass to give someone a free ride just so they can run around town and shit on me...

I don't do it so I wouldn't want her to...

and if she does later:wave:

You guys are right... if it's a relationship that you value, it wouldn't actually make things better to seek revenge and then hope to work things out. I think a big part of me is really bitter from my screwed up past. I always went the forgiven route and it was always so hard to be the bigger person.

Without being in that situation, it's difficult to say 100% what I would or wouldn't do, but at this point in my life and taking my experiences into consideration, I honestly think I would have to simply close the door on the relationship, triple lock it and run far, far away.

Hopefully though, I won't ever have to suffer through such a situation ever again. I think I've had enough for one lifetime anyhow.

I'd send them packing. I wouldn't be able to look at them in the same light again. I guess everyone is different, but I'd always be thinking about that situation and it wouldn't be fair to put them or myself through that. Not to mention I'm pretty much an ego freak and knowing that some other guy can (and in my town will) always be rubbing it in my face will only lead to bigger problems for me, her and that guy.

big n wv said:

I'd send them packing. I wouldn't be able to look at them in the same light again. I guess everyone is different, but I'd always be thinking about that situation and it wouldn't be fair to put them or myself through that. Not to mention I'm pretty much an ego freak and knowing that some other guy can (and in my town will) always be rubbing it in my face will only lead to bigger problems for me, her and that guy.

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It's definitely like having a black cloud forever following you around. You look like the fool for being deceived and allowing your partner to "get away with it" in a way. And in my case, I've had girls get in contact with me after the fact and it's a horrible feeling because it really is like having it rubbed in your face that they had what was "yours". Completely fxcking awful! Not to mention, it ate away at my self worth to feel like I wasn't good enough to be faithful to. It takes a long time to bounce back from the mindfxck that is such a situation though... and a long time to feel like you can trust people again.

yeah well you get over what people think of you but you don't get over what you think of yourself...everyone makes a mistake and it's hard to admit that-but fuck it's harder to know that your the one that made the mistake and put your trust in that person-don't know if you ever really get over that

and hate to say it but as long as your with that person you will always question yourself

"a fool is a person that makes the same mistake twice" Peter Steele-Type O Negative

In my opinion there are just way way to many variable to give an answer that everyone could fit into. For example the lentgh of relationship, was it an affair, or a one night stand (both just as wrong) but some might view things different according to this. mARRIED OR NOT MARRIED, KIDS OR NO KIDS

you get my point, so i dont think you can get a definitive answer that will fit ur exact situation. So i say its totaly dependant on ur specific relationship.

I know some people who have been happily married for over 30 years and the husband cheated once got cought and they got through it and been happily married ever since, so its realy a tough call with no real answer

That is a very tuff subject .......

I've been married for over 11 years now, no kids, and if I came to my wife and told her I had cheated, she'd immediately leave and divorce me, no going back.

for me, its over.
I can be a very vengeful and spiteful person, and I would do to them what they did to me...only 10 times worse.

I know Im like that, so I wouldnt put myself through it. That being said, I can be extremely loyal and faithful and expect that out of others. But that unfortunately is not usually the case.

I never get that attached, so really, it wouldnt be THAT big of a deal either way. I'll get over it. A replacement is a phone call away.

send them on there way...pretty simple really

If anyone deserves to be cheated on.... Its me. I was never faithful to anyone.

but then i met nicole. We had a love that was incredible. Every day was just amazing. But it literally tore her apart. She became so insecure, worried about everything that involves the environment im working in, that she sabotaged our relationship.

One night she went on a date with someone else. She tried lying to me about it, but it was written all over her face. She was so ashamed. I let her go that night- by the time i realized what she had done didnt justify loosing her, she was gone. Now she is just clinging to this guy that she said was a mistake.

its been over a month and im still just a wreck. I've tried to be with other women, but it f-ing impossible. I just want nicole back.

Hang in there bro.