View Poll Results: What is the Primary Reason that Marriage Fails??

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  • Finances/Money

    16 27.59%
  • Religious beliefs

    2 3.45%
  • Cheating

    11 18.97%
  • Complacency/Boredom

    22 37.93%
  • Occupational Reasons

    1 1.72%
  • Other

    6 10.34%
  1. #1
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    I think a lot of it has to do with a commitment to the marriage at the beginning. A lot of people, albeit not very smart people, will rush into marriage while not thinking about life in 1,5,10 years. I think many people make foolish decisions to get married when they are not ready and possibly with the wrong person. They are not ready to commit to someone for the rest of their lives. Of course there are other causes, cheating, complacency, financial, etc...but I think it all boils down to commitment. And not just to making your marriage work, but to making your spouse happy consistently. When you love someone you want to do what's best for them and make them happy, life easier, better, etc... I think people have fallen in love a little with the idea of getting married and don't really want to make a commitment to put their spouse 1st for the rest of their lives. So, I think that would be my answer. A major portion of the marriages that fail I believe come from people being selfish. If you care about someone enough to put them first for the rest of your life then I think you should consider marrying that person. However, other things need to be worked out like finances, religion (big one in my opinion), future plans, etc...

    I have definitely had my share of rough times with my wife and we've both done things to each other we've regretted, but we've made it through them and I believe it's because in the end it's because we both want to see the other happy and we are commited to making our marriage great, not just good or managable, but great.
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    Well put Spiderman. Pretty much explains why my wife fucked around on me. Selfishness and lack of commitment.
     

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    at my age, and couples near my age, I see complacency being the problem. I've seen so many people get married that are my friends and their marriages fail. Cheating may be a problem with younger couples, but I think complacency is a bigger problem. They date, move in together, get accounts together, get married, have a kid...then....well you've done it. but your only in your 20's? Not your 30-40's like your parents were when they reached all those goals. what to do now? start all over. Get a divorce, start whoring around again, sew your "wild oats" again, meet someone, start dating, move in together, and you know the rest.

    i say why get married? I know many couples that did fine until they got married. couples that move too fast, usually crash too fast.
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    To me it's simple. It is easier to say "fuck it" and split up then to stick around and
    make it work. IT'S HARD WORK to make a marriage work. With, what is it , 50%
    of marriges failing, its no big deal.
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    Quote Originally Posted by mcgaret
    To me it's simple. It is easier to say "fuck it" and split up then to stick around and
    make it work. IT'S HARD WORK to make a marriage work. With, what is it , 50%
    of marriges failing, its no big deal.
    lmao! so after all, the answer is that people are just fucking lazy. Thats the american way!
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    Quote Originally Posted by mcgaret
    To me it's simple. It is easier to say "fuck it" and split up then to stick around and
    make it work. IT'S HARD WORK to make a marriage work. With, what is it , 50%
    of marriges failing, its no big deal.
    Totally agree! People don't like to work at anything anymore, everyone is so fucking lazy these days. Marriages take a lot of work. Just being in a relationship takes a lot of work. I'm getting married in October so I will let you all know...
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    My wife used to say "this is too much hard work" - I've been married 16 years and
    its like anything else - you get out of it what you put into it. I dont WANT to go
    to work every morning - I dont want to TRY and save $$$ - I dont WANT to pay
    bills and it would be easier NOT to put effort into my marriage. You do the things
    you have to , to get the things you want. (it does get easier !!!!)
    Last edited by vertigorocks; 05-14-2007 at 07:42 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by mcgaret
    My wife used to say "this is too much hard work" - I've been married 16 years and
    its like anything else - you get out of it what you put into it. I dont WANT to go
    to work every morning - I dont want to TRY and save $$$ - I dont WANT to pay
    bills and it would be easier NOT to put effort into my marriage. You do the things
    you have to , to get the things you want. (it does get easier !!!!)


    Im not married nor will I be for a while, but I totally agree with this. You do what you need to do and what you dont really want to do in order to make a relationship work. This goes with anyone (spouse, friend, employer, etc.)

    Here is an article I found that shows that divorce rates are at its lowest in over 30 years though This is a great sign!


    Divorce on the decline
    National rate hits lowest level since 1970

    Courtesy of AP GraphicsBank

    Posted: Friday, May 11, 2007 at 10:35 AM

    NEW YORK (AP) -- The notion that America remains plagued by a divorce epidemic doesn't appear to add up.

    The national per capita divorce rate has declined steadily since its peak in 1981 and is now at its lowest level since 1970.

    But there are different theories as to why. Some experts say relationships are as unstable as ever, and divorces are down primarily because more couples live together without marrying.

    Others say the divorce rate is falling substantively among college-educated couples but not among less-affluent, less-educated couples.

    America's divorce rate began climbing in the late 1960s and peaked at 5.3 divorces per 1,000 people in 1981. But since then it's dropped by one-third, to 3.6.

    (Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

    https://www.hoinews.com/news/news_story.aspx?id=35030 (This is the link)
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    Sorry mcgaret! I accidently hit edit instead of quote so it looks like I changed your post! I fixed it though! LOL Im a retard sometimes
    An IRA man shows up at the pearly gates and St. Peter comes out to greet him. St. Peter takes one look and says "I don't think you can get in here.The IRA man says"Who wants in? You've twenty minutes to get the *#!@ out!

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    I totally agree with mcgaret.It is easier to say "Fuck it" and walk away. It does all boil down to people being lazy shitheads
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    I've got 99 reasons not to get married and not a single reason too.
    and yeah people are lazy, I've dated too many "girls" in the past that think that Mr. Right will come along and EVERYTHING will be perfect and they won't have to work for anything-yeah and good luck winning the lottery

    furthest I'll ever go is having a girl move in with me and when things suck she can walk out with what she walked in with
     

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    Bump dorian!! dont let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!!
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    check out the thread Dorian123 and I had a conversation, this was a thread that went back and forth between me and NVS for a few days...just goes to show the frustration a single guy can have in the dating world
     

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    wow... you guys have bad luck with women...
     

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    because woman get to the friend zone and dont want to fuck no more. dont get me started.
     

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    yep its all about the vag
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    Quote Originally Posted by hector
    because woman get to the friend zone and dont want to fuck no more. dont get me started.

    That line sucks, and it's not hard to cross that line. It's all about when you strike; if you wait too long to make a move then they're going to just see you as a friend and not a potential partner. Made that mistake a few times and kicked myself in the ass for it cause the girls would find someone else before I made my move. After that I decided waiting was no loner an option LOL

    Gimmie that vag! LOL
    An IRA man shows up at the pearly gates and St. Peter comes out to greet him. St. Peter takes one look and says "I don't think you can get in here.The IRA man says"Who wants in? You've twenty minutes to get the *#!@ out!

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    damn looking back on some the shit that I have wrote on this board, I am an asshole...AND MAKE NO EXCUSES FOR IT

    seriously though I've been seeing this girl for over 6 months now and she's talking about marriage and all that...
    granted I do have more in common with her than anyone else that I have ever dated but DAMN!!!

    in this day and age marriages really don't work so do I really want to set myself up for a fall?
    that and I bore easy, starting to get bored now...nothing wrong w/ her it's just me

    oh well I'll loose a little sleep over it and a ton of money
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    Quote Originally Posted by dorian123

    in this day and age marriages really don't work so do I really want to set myself up for a fall?
    that and I bore easy, starting to get bored now...nothing wrong w/ her it's just me

    :
    ya know, I think Im the same way. I do get bored easily.
    one reason I will never get married. Even if I found the right girl, I sure as hell aint the right guy.
    "The greatest risk is to take no risk."

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    marriges r tuff and i vowed to never cheat on my lady like my biological mom did to my biological dad she fucked so many dudes while my dad was at work and hed come home and shed be like nothing happened i know i was a little dude seeing all this but till this day that dumb fuck loves her and there in there 70s i guess, and there together, but any way ive been with my women for 15 yrs , my eyes never strayed. until, yah it sucks, until this chick crossed my eyes and yah i fucked her, and my marriage has been in a whirl wind ever sence. but my wife still says she wants us together and doesnt want another person in her life, but i feel i fucked us up and at times its hard on her and she brings the other lady up. and this lady still tries to hold on. and wait to see if we dont make it. shes a rich bytch this other chick and whats strange, is that, they have alot in common, that i like. and im torn between them both now. and i love the heavens out of my wife but i feel sooner or later the towel will b throwen in. on whos part that i dont know. and i dont want to be like so many others just give in but id like it to work out and carry on, im a competitive body builder and my wife is not and doesnt work out but this other chick works out and looks great but my wife is a hot mother fucker also. lifes a trip sum times and we stumble and fall but sum get up but sum stay lamed for life.i believe id b the lamed 1 who would hurt forever if we lose eachother. shit fuck damn mother fucker fuck shit, fuck. thats how i feel
     

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    damn dude that's fucked up. your stuck between a rock and a hard place...

    there really is no advice that anyone can give you because no matter what you will spend the rest of your life wondering what if...

    just hope that your not the bastard sitting at the end of the bar in his 60s bitching about the one that got away...

    hell at times I wish that I didn't have a girlfriend at all because I hate any baggage period. But at the same time you have to ask yourself how many people on this planet really give a shit about you?
     

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    Best to live alone, die alone if need be. So many people get into relationships for the wrong reasons, and sex is just one of very many more important wrong reasons.

    Loneliness is the only way to gain true self-worth, of course I admit that having someone in your life such as a 'significant other' can be a great thing, it is not necessary to be happy, to be 'complete'. I learned the hard way, divorced twice by the time I was 23, other painful lessons thru relationships after that even.

    One. There is only that, everything else must bow to it, to you and what you have to KNOW you are. The only way to find out what you are made of is to be alone for a significant amount of time. It kills me to hear of people being afraid to even sleep alone at night...that is when the greatest soul searching is available to us - when there is no one else to lean on, to talk to, to confide in but yourself. Once a person becomes comfortable with being alone and with what they are , only then can having someone else in your life even mean anything at all because otherwise it just seems like an escape to have another life or soul to cling to or to compare yourself to and I say Fuck That because it is just a weakness that hinders true potential.

    I'm an asshole, I know, but that's how I feel and I feel very strongly about it.
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    Many reasons why they fail...most fail due to financial strain...but all of those things are a huge factor in every relationship and can cause marriages to fail. Marriage is tough though.
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    ok check this out, let me get your opinion on this one...
    I'm great on giving advice but terrible on taking it

    my girl wants us to get a place together and live happly ever after, the end
    the problem is there is no work where she lives for what I do...

    I told her that I could get a job down there for peanuts and not make any money and we would not be able to go out and do things like vacations and such...
    literally all I would be able to do is work, lift weights, eat and sleep there would be no money for anything else

    she says that she doesn't like us being apart...however, if we get a place together then the whole bullshit starts of what happened to the man that I loved, etc. we use to go out and blah blah blah

    the catch 22 is that I'm on the road and it's just a matter of time before some stiff leg comes along and sticks the idea in her head that she would be better off seeing him than me...
    I know because I use to be that stiff leg...

    then he gets what he wants and moves on...to give credit where it's due I never bullshit a girl and tell her that we'll love each other just to get down her pants...I just tell her how it is, that this is sex

    once again I don't want to get a place and foot all the bills just to find out that some fucker is sleeping in my bed w/ my girl while I'm paying for it

    she seems like a good girl, never gave me a reason not to trust her but damn I'm in the top 3 professions for divorce

    Bulher? anyone? anyone?
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    i blame it all on the internet... damn internet ruins everything
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    that's the truth, have you been to fitness singles.com
    the bastards
     

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    I agree that as American's we are just lazy and it is way to easy to take the easy way out via divorce. Look at Hollywood they are married to a different person every year or two. I am currently going through a divorce and I could blame him 100% if I wanted to see our divorce through rose colored glasses but it took the two of us to marry and it took the two of us to divorce. Although I will say he dated the entire time we were married so cheating is a definite sore spot with me.
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    Well, My brother just got married in October and he's already having second thoughts. I think alot of people today rush into marrage way to quik without getting to know one another properly. Its my opinion that a couple should live together at least a year to find out if you can live with this person for life. Also I think alot of people dont think about what marriage really stands for. You have to be in real love and be able to except that person for their faults and negatives that he or she may have. But I think the #1 cause of it not working is due to one another not being able to comunicate with each other properly. I come from a broken home and I have dealt with this first hand. And 9 times out of 10 its been because of there not being sufficiant comunicating skills and honesty. I think statisticly almost half of all marriages fail within the first 3 years because of those reasons, and or ect.
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    Tool,

    It's funny cause my ex and I were together for a totally of 10 years, dated for first 2 years lived together for 3 yrs and then were married for 5 years and he didn't display the cheating tendencies until we married, however there were a lot of little things that I should have addressed with him and I let them go as he had the boys will be boys mentality. The only thing I am praying is that I took a lot of lessons from that marriage into my future and that I won't make the same mistakes again. The unfortunate thing is I now have huge self esteem and huge trust issues that hopefully with time will somewhat resolve itself.

    On a lighter note, how are you feeling and how is the new job treating you?
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    I'm sorry to here that Cowgirl. Its a hard thing to be straight with each other sometimes and some people hide things about themselves that you may never find out about. When you get married you just have to prey and wish for the best. But, sometimes thats not good enough. Its really hard when you think you know someone and then a few years down the road things start to go haywire. For your sake sweetheart, I hope you can find true love and have a relationship that you can trust. Its really hard these days with how people have over looked the symbolic importance of marraige. But, theres allways people out there that can fool you into thinking you got the right one. Hopefully you can get past him and find someone that will love you the way he should. Hang in there Girl. Theres to many fish in the sea to let one person jade you so much that you lose trust in people. I hope you do find that person, but its allways hard to tell who's the right one and who's not. You just have to learn to trust your own instinct again.
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    Tool thank you so very much for you kind words. I am in a much better frame of mind then I was previously believe me. My frustration with him was wow if you truly weren't going to be serious about marriage why even go forward with it. I would have much preferred he said to me hey this relationship thing isn't for me before we said "I Do" I would have had a lot more respect for him then the pain of being cheated on and constantly wondering what I did wrong and what I could have done differently. Anyway again thanks for your kindness and I am working on getting mentally and physically stronger every day of the week.
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    You are very welcome Cowgirl. I've never been married personaly. But i've been in a couple of relationships that were heading towards marriage, and in one of those we actualy started talking about it. But,now that I look back on it I'm glad I didn't, because I'm sure that I wasn't ready to get married to either of the two. I was to blinded by love for them that I failed to see their faults. But after we had all the differences and quarls we could take, we split. And now, I'm still friends with her.Actualy were almost best friends. And everything is still pretty cool between us as well. Sometimes itS meant to be and sometimes its not. Well good luck with your new found freedom and keep that positive attitude.Remember, Pain is just weakness leaving the body. And this could have only made you stronger.
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    tool again thank you. looking forward to chatting with you anytime. it's kind of nice to realize there are people out there that know exactly what I am going through and have actually experienced similiar things. love the saying "pain is weakness leaving your body". very inspirational.
    Joan of Arc said: "I am not afraid…I was born to do this."

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    id rather save money for a highend escort service then get married, it would be cheaper in the long run and i get new who who when ever i want
    I am the irishman your mother warned you about.....

    I dont have a girlfreind but i know a girl who would get really mad at me if she heard me say that...

    Disclaimer - My comments in no way promote the use of androgenic/anabolic steroids and/or any prescription drug without a physician's prescription. All my comments, questions and referrals are striclty for entertainment purposes only!

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    Quote Originally Posted by irishpride
    id rather save money for a highend escort service then get married, it would be cheaper in the long run and i get new who who when ever i want
    Its all about the variety! lol
    --Kids are stupid--

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    I hope i never find out why Marriages don't work! Going on 15 years with my wife, and we've gotten separated on a couple different occasions, but ultimately always got back together, and for us it was always over jealousy, and arguing too much. I don't believe in divorce, I think too many people quit early and don't try hard enough to save their marriages! With that said though, if your partner cheats on you, then its time to go!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Presser View Post
    I hope i never find out why Marriages don't work! Going on 15 years with my wife, and we've gotten separated on a couple different occasions, but ultimately always got back together, and for us it was always over jealousy, and arguing too much. I don't believe in divorce, I think too many people quit early and don't try hard enough to save their marriages! With that said though, if your partner cheats on you, then its time to go!
    I feel like there is a lot of grey areas with cheating. Not advocating it of course but I always here about the whole "well we split up for 2 months than got back together so it didn't count" type of stories all the time at that point do you still let it go or do you just say hey we both got some freebies?
     

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    Why buy when you can rent?
     

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    current day culture has made sleeping around or cheating acceptable...most couples would benefit from exploring a swing lifestyle and it's various degrees...there's alot more communication in couples that are in the lifestyle and everything is out on the table and boundaries are set...my wife and i haven't done full swap but we do enjoy the flirting and being around other open minded couples and enjoy the parties and events...kinda like raves for adults lol
    "Because only plants grow naturally"

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    dont forget that 50% includes the people who have been divorced more than one tim,,,,,, lots of those around.
     

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    I'm at that age where all of my friends are getting married and sitting out kids. I'll ask them why they ate doing it. They never have a better answer than, "umm cause". It's sad really. Never mind all the reasons they fail. So many people do it simply because that's what society says you're supposed to do.
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    Quote Originally Posted by dreww View Post
    at my age, and couples near my age, I see complacency being the problem. I've seen so many people get married that are my friends and their marriages fail. Cheating may be a problem with younger couples, but I think complacency is a bigger problem. They date, move in together, get accounts together, get married, have a kid...then....well you've done it. but your only in your 20's? Not your 30-40's like your parents were when they reached all those goals. what to do now? start all over. Get a divorce, start whoring around again, sew your "wild oats" again, meet someone, start dating, move in together, and you know the rest.

    i say why get married? I know many couples that did fine until they got married. couples that move too fast, usually crash too fast.
    Exactly. My second wife and I didn't have any troubles until marriage and a kid were in the equation. When we were dating I could always just leave if I felt like it, but then after marriage and a baby it is not so easy. Many times these days EVEN IF a man can complete support a woman she will not want to relinquish control of anything. It is even worse if she uses your child a a bargaining chip against you.

    Compare that to the older generations who had a lot lower divorce rate although it did occur. People kept to their business then and there was less police involvement in family lives (some times a good and bad thing) . The stigma for adulterers and unnecessary divorcees was not a very good one so that was a factor. As well as a general societal upholding of core family values and sovereignty. Although people of those times spent more time and effort on everything, and I think that is what it boils down to , time and effort. The more time and effort you put in to a relationship the better it gets, and you cant make some one do that, they have to want to. These days people are so used to instant everything that work for something so non tangible like a relationship seems ghastly.

    I will finish this with saying that in my opinion it IS NOT in the best interest of a young man of these times to get married, ESPECIALLY quickly. In some ways it is effectively signing your rights away.
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    You know what i heard there, a lot of Ba Humbugs lmao grouchy fuckers, lol.
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    With great humility, at my age of 56, being a lifelong bachelor, I have pondered this many times, while thinking I was missing something. I would be lying if I said that if I allowed myself, I could easily get lonely. My GF of on/off off 9yrs has turned religious and sex is like turning clocks, twice a year. Not kidding. My GF claims she jacks it daily but wont have sex unless I commit, arghhhhh, not gonna under those circumstances. So she is moving at some point 3 hrs away. We'll see.

    I have had more than one married buddy stop by unannounced, and say "Gee I cruise by yr street and think Bills just kicked back, chilling watching TV or doing whatever, and I have my old lady with her constant nagging and 2 rugrats who always need something and damn I'm jeolous as hell!" Its then I'm glad I'm unmarried despite unloading in my left hand on a reg basis!!
     

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Survivor View Post
    With great humility, at my age of 56, being a lifelong bachelor, I have pondered this many times, while thinking I was missing something. I would be lying if I said that if I allowed myself, I could easily get lonely. My GF of on/off off 9yrs has turned religious and sex is like turning clocks, twice a year. Not kidding. My GF claims she jacks it daily but wont have sex unless I commit, arghhhhh, not gonna under those circumstances. So she is moving at some point 3 hrs away. We'll see.

    I have had more than one married buddy stop by unannounced, and say "Gee I cruise by yr street and think Bills just kicked back, chilling watching TV or doing whatever, and I have my old lady with her constant nagging and 2 rugrats who always need something and damn I'm jeolous as hell!" Its then I'm glad I'm unmarried despite unloading in my left hand on a reg basis!!

    I ponder what it would be like to live an awesome bachelors life like you brutha! As ive been with my wife over 16 years, and yes its fucking monotonous , but i also know if i ever fall ill, at least , or i hope anyhow lol, my wife will be there for me, spoon feed me baby mush, change my I.V. bag, lol wipe my ass , drive me to chemo therapy, help me get dressed,

    i know that is some downer shit, but for some reason and im not sure if its me or others are like this, but im always waiting for somehting bad, or think awful thoughts all the time of tragedy lol, so knowing i have that monotonous , day in and day out pussy there, is actually somewhat comforting to me.

    Truth is, the grass is no greener on either side if you ask me, your side nor my side! its just what were each able, willing or wanting to put up with or do with out lives i guess! but yeah being a bachelor right now in my life, when im older, have my shit together, would be pretty fucking killer lmao id run through pussy like it was a field
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    I guess I'm just lucky. I have the most amazing wife. She is my best friend my everything I need and want all rolled into one beautiful package. And i would do absolutely anything to make her happy. Glad she don't want much lol, but seriously fellows we all have to believe in something why not it be that person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. It took me a very long time to get to this place and by non means was it easy. Just lose all the negativity. Happy is so much more fun. First off you have to truly believe in love and that starts with yourself. I honestly hope and pray that you all may find that right one for you, cause I promise she is out there looking for you. It is hard and their will be tuff times, but that's going to happen period, but why not share those times with someone who truly has your back even when your wrong.

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    I will admit I'm pretty lucky. My wife and I have a great son, been together for almost twenty yrs and we are both very sexual together. Don't get me wrong we argue but are very loyal to each other and are always there for and help each other. I won't trade her in for anything and wouldn't even think of it.

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    Why don't marriages work?...Simple...Two words..."irreconcilable differences"...
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    I am a second award winner of the big D certification. The first time, I was just young and stupid and had no business getting married. I should have listened to my family. Although, I have to say, my son came along because of that marriage, so for that I'm grateful. Other than that, I wish I could have gone back and listened to my family and said hell no to marriage. My second wife, well, we were together for 17 years. We were separated 3 times, she got pregnant twice and lost both, and nobody can say I damn sure didn't try in the end. It was when she got pregnant the third time that I called it game over for good. Seeing how I was fixed for 6 years at that point and couldn't make a baby to save my life, I knew that I wasn't the baby daddy. That's when I said it's not worth trying anymore. Damn shame because she was gorgeous and could cook her ass off.
    Now, with all of that being said, I think I'm not marriage material. I have faulty DNA and I'm genetically disadvantaged. Dad has been married 5 times, mom married 4 times, grandparents each married 3 times (twice to the same people) So as I see it, I should've followed my initial instinct, and avoid marriage like the plague. I used to always tell my mom when I was a kid that I'm never getting married.
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