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Thread: don't get TOO big
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10-21-2014, 12:39 PM #1
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don't get TOO big
So my gf of almost 4 year whose seen me go through the transitions I've made in my life and the mass I've put on the past few yeaea recently told me this morning she doesn't want to just wake up one day next to a big guy who can't breathe now granted I'm not very large at about 5'11 and 230 but I have no desire to slow down. Anyone ever deal with this from their spouse and what did you do?
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10-21-2014, 01:54 PM #2
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That's a hard one---- if she loves you, she will stand by you.
It's what you are passionate about.Minima, freakinthegym liked this post
All information discussed on these forums is purely for entertainment purposes.
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10-21-2014, 01:58 PM #3
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10-21-2014, 02:02 PM #4
I've never had anyone complain about me getting bigger(I'm close to your size) but I've also never had a woman that wouldn't ditch me at the first opportunity of something "better" or an abusive ex that promised to change.
that being said all kinds of people in my life have told me not to get any bigger since I was 180lbs. still saying the same thing 40lbs later. so wadda ya gonna do? the way I figure it, good people in your life will stick around because you're a good person to/with them not for the way you look or what you have. besides it's not like you're a drunk that's letting booze ruin your life.
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10-21-2014, 02:04 PM #5
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10-21-2014, 03:43 PM #6
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10-21-2014, 03:55 PM #7
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10-21-2014, 05:53 PM #8
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10-21-2014, 06:18 PM #9
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10-21-2014, 08:08 PM #10
don't get TOO big
Well yes and no. As you guys know I love this lifestyle and support The Dude 1000% EXCEPT when he was going through his "bigger is better phase". Reason being is he was snoring so loud...gasping for air!! So many times I'd have to wake him up to get him to start breathing again. It was really scary! Fortunately we got that worked out and it's no longer an issue.
Minima, does she express real concern for your safety or is she just in a mood and trying to be controlling? Either way I hope it works out so you're both happy : )
On the same note (sorta) I HATE when people (not the hubby) tell me I'm getting too big!! Grrrrr!!!
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10-21-2014, 08:39 PM #11
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Honestly everything's been smooth sailing till today basically lol I mean she was cool when I started with the anabolics and I made sure not to hide it figuring it'd be worse if I did. Sometimes she even wanted to watch/do it for me lol! She was there for me my first prep which I was a total twat. I think more than anything its her own insecurities she stopped going to the gym 6 months ago cuz she didn't feel like anything was changing no matter how much I told her it's not overnight. Now she's put on a good 15 lbs sexy as hell still to me but yea it just really got to me today. I appreciate a females input on this thank you silk!
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10-21-2014, 08:52 PM #12
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10-21-2014, 09:19 PM #13
As I was reading your response and realizing she's not having the same issues I was having, the next thing that popped into my head was her being a little insecure. Sounds like you nailed it. I think the more progress you make in the gym just reminds her of her failed attempt at weight loss. It's sad because I do believe you when you say she is "sexy as hell" but it's a cruel world inside the mind of an insecure girl. I've been there. She needs to work on communicating with you. Maybe sit down with her making sure you pick the right time and carefully (using gentle words) say something like "look, what's really going on? You were fine with my lifestyle for X years and overnight you've had a change of heart. Is there something else really bothering you?" Now depending on the girl (and this is where it gets tricky for you poor men) and if you two have a close open relationship, you could even ask "is it because you're not happy that you didn't get the results you were looking for in the gym?" I know it's a hard topic, but sometimes it works to just flat out ask. Hopefully she'll open up to you and you can begin your discussion. Don't forget to reassure her and sprinkle compliments in there. Also a tip, it's better to say "I think you're sexy as hell" rather thn "you're sexy as hell". Even use her name, I hear subconsciously people like that. I know this seems like a lot of work and that we're so high maintenance, but it is what it is. Obviously she's worth it or you wouldn't care enough to ask us how to help. Good luck :-)
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10-21-2014, 10:07 PM #14
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Thank you very much madame I think that's all it really boiled down to is here feeling bad "fat" but again I love how she looks and never leave her alone lol but yea i mean I got her a new car and really started cracking down on my studies and everything so I think she just felt like I'm moving ahead of her or something
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10-22-2014, 06:56 AM #15
I think I'm just going to stay single for a while longer. lol.
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10-22-2014, 08:23 AM #16
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Im not the relationship expert and maybe taking advice from me is like accepting a condom from Edward Scissorhands ..not a good idea..but I agree with Silk.
I went through the same situation and it all boiled down to personal insecurities. I took her to get her nails done and all that, because when a woman feels beautiful she is confident. After it all she said I look sexy and she doesn't feel sexy so she just gave up and knew woman were checking me out and it upset her..even though I came home to her everynight and only ever wanted to be with her.
Sit with your woman and try to come up with a solution together, even ask if she is interested in doing the same as you and don't forget to make her feel special, she has to know that she is special to you and aa priority not an option. It has to be discussed and communication is the key to any lasting relationship. Do remember this..not every woman finds big and bulky attractive..I was lean 6%bf at 200 at 6ft and women said I was sexy as hell, when I went to 225 I didn't get as many compliments..thats just how it goes.
Good luck buddy
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10-22-2014, 09:08 AM #17
women
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10-22-2014, 10:23 AM #18
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10-22-2014, 10:28 AM #19
Well, you're headed in the right direction. Good thing is you don't have to be an expert...just trying and being genuine is sometimes all it takes :-) This whole post was good advice for Minima :-)
Keep in mind you could do everything right and at the end of the day it just may not work out. After all it is HER insecurity. I'm not being cold, but she had to do the mental work too and find a way to start seeing herself the way you see her. Sad, but true. Hopefully she'll open up for ya.IronJulius liked this post
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10-22-2014, 11:07 AM #20
ya know things like this(in bold) bug me. it's like guys getting mad because some other dude is looking at his girl. would you prefer it if no one thought your spouse was attractive and didn't want to look at them? ugh, humans.
I'll pass lol.
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10-22-2014, 11:52 AM #21
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See I'm oblivious as shit too if a girl came up and talked to me i would just think she's been nice and not that she wanted some of my baby dick. I wonder if she sees people checking me out. I mean im not lean( not to fat either!) and I wear large shirts and sweat pants 24/7 so I kinda doubt it. I noticed when I did try to ask if she was just insecure she kind of just pushed everything to me about like "how would you feel if I was Yada Yada" but then a few hours later things seemed to smooth over a bit. I do appreciate the hell out of yalls advice.
And yea silk I'll never understand women lol
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10-22-2014, 12:26 PM #22
I totally get your pov and again this is where it gets tricky, lol... When an insecure girl gets mad at other girls checking her man out its because indirectly it's reminding the girl of what she sees as her shortcomings, such as feeling "fat" or whatever. If a secure girl has a man who's always getting checked out then she is most likely not going to be upset because she doesn't see the girls as a threat. Why? ...because she is a secure individual :-) Does that make sense (I hope)? Another thing (just to confuse you guys a little more), the insecure girl might not even know the root issue of why she's jealous of girls looking at her man. She just knows it make her feel bad so she reacts without thinking "ok, what's really going on with me?"
Wow, I either sound like a therapist or someone who's gone to a lot of therapy LOL!IronJulius liked this post
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10-22-2014, 12:36 PM #23
It's a hard topic for some girls. Just think of something that you're insecure about and then think how hard it would be to let yourself to open up enough to talk about it to your girl, best friend, family member, whoever. It's hard for some people to allow themselves to get to a vulnerable state. We're all human and all scared of getting hurt... Even those who don't admit it IMO. Maybe since you broke the ice she'll talk a little more.
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10-22-2014, 02:21 PM #24
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Good points all around, sometimes women just want us to listen and not try to always fix shit! Try that sometimes, took me a while to figure that out but once I did..well things are just not the same. Give a shoulder, show empathy and reaffirmation of your dedication to her is all it takes sometimes.
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10-22-2014, 03:09 PM #25
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10-22-2014, 03:17 PM #26
Women when they want you to listen you fix shit and when you fix shit they want you to listen and when you do both they still find something to bitch about. Women that know they are crazy like for real know themselves/aware of there thoughts/behaviors/insecurities and are most of the time cool with it are so fucking sexy. My wife is 5 years older still physically attractive and should be many more years doesnt really worry about my dumb ass. Yes women like touching, flirting and fucking men with muscles and im an attention whore with insecurities myself so i will go along with it but im so happy with the woman i got now im like 99% sure i wont cheat and she knows it. If i do its my loss
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10-22-2014, 03:20 PM #27
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Yea again most responses I'm hearing all seem to be mainly on the same page I really don't think she's flat out not in love with my body I think many women just get complacent looking for a guy they want to hold down and that no one else would want to steal. But I've changed a lot physically over the past few years and I really think she's just not confident she can keep me happy or that I don't want to be with her.
Crazy ass ladies out there I'm telling ya, and even years later they just seem to get crazier.. Cept silk of course!
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10-22-2014, 03:32 PM #28
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10-22-2014, 03:38 PM #29
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10-22-2014, 03:48 PM #30
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10-22-2014, 04:17 PM #31
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10-22-2014, 04:52 PM #32
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10-22-2014, 05:12 PM #33Powderguy liked this post
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10-22-2014, 06:54 PM #34
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No you're not! Just so you guys know normal is out there... alot of the time at the beach or out I let Silk walk ahead of me as I love watching guys check her out and nudge their friends and point. It's alot of fun. Now shit gets real very fast if they touch or do the rush up on her thing, but I'm usually not far behind so as they are considering that they'll usually see me.
The last few times we went to strip clubs Silk will ask me what girls I think are hot and we discuss them. Then she goes over and gets them and gives them money and says "he likes boobies in his face" and guess what I get?? Personally I couldn't go back to dealing with crazy insecure chick's again. There is so much to do and enjoy in life. I'm not spending anytime arguing about nothing...
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10-22-2014, 07:01 PM #35
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All relationships are work and I have made more than my far share of mistakes, but I admitted to them and made a conscious concerted effort to improve and I continue to do so to this day.
If she isn't capable of working on it with you and making improvements then I can't see how you're going to continue to deal with it and grow as a partnership
Sent from my SM-G900V using TapatalkIronJulius liked this post
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10-22-2014, 07:44 PM #36
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10-22-2014, 08:54 PM #37
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10-23-2014, 06:48 AM #38