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Thread: grass snakes

  1. #1
    MuscleChemistry Guru Board Certified CPH
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    Talking grass snakes

    If you thought little Green Grass Snakes were harmless, read on.
    Green Garden Grass snakes can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

    A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants, and
    during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.

    The husband who was taking a shower ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

    He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.
    About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him in the butt. He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance.

    The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is in the hospital.

    The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she
    called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her laying
    there passed out tried to use CPR to revive her.

    The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the
    grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches. An ambulance was again called and it was determined that the injury required hospitalization.

    The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her
    neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

    By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man,
    smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the two women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

    They called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

    Just then the little snake crawled out from under the couch. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog, who startled, jumped up and raced out into the street, where an oncoming
    car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire.

    Meanwhile the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire house was blazing. Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire truck had started raising his ladder as they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten square city block area.

    Time passed --------------- Both men were discharged from the
    hospital, the house was rebuilt, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.

    About a year later they were watching TV and the weatherman
    announced a cold snap for that night. The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
    She shot him.
     

  2. #2
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    funny
    Information that radical_P presents is totally fictitious in nature and is presented for role playing purposes only. The opinions presented do not encourage the use of illegal substances nor take the place of professional medical advice.

  3. #3
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    fast reader, aren't you?
     

  4. #4
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    yep
    Information that radical_P presents is totally fictitious in nature and is presented for role playing purposes only. The opinions presented do not encourage the use of illegal substances nor take the place of professional medical advice.

  5. #5
    Badgermoon
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    Thanks Chelle, got a good laugh out of that one!
     

  6. #6
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    Originally posted by Badgermoon
    Thanks Chelle, got a good laugh out of that one!
    That's me, spreading some sunshine and laughter
    Glad you enjoyed it
     

  7. #7
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    funny I really like that one
     

  8. #8
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    Poor man. First cold nosed in the bum, then dropped then shot.
    LOL
    saks@musclechemistry.com

    If I replyed to this thread, it most likely will die

  9. #9
    scorpio
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    LOL, thanks good stuff!
     

  10. #10
    WeirdAl
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    It's getting cold... I wonder if we should bring in the plants?
     

  11. #11
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    ^KAABOOM
    saks@musclechemistry.com

    If I replyed to this thread, it most likely will die

  12. #12
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    I think it's the kind of luck that Choke has, huh? hehehehe
    (j/k Choke )
     

  13. #13
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    True story I hear.
    As always, these posts are for entertainment purposes only. Not to be taken as medical advice, or even serious for that matter.

    "Aint nothin' left to do but to do it."

    "Procrastination is like masturbation, you're only fucking yourself."

    "Far better people have done worse things."

    "After 2 dozen Krispy Kreme's I decided to dedicate my life to never doing that again."

    Proud member of CMF. Ride or die you beezy!

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