Man, I have REALLY been struggling lately! I need surgery on my left shoulder to repair a large rotater cuff tear that affects 2 tendons; a labrum tear; severe osteoarthritis; and an impingement. All stemming from a motorcycle crash that happened in 2010. I hurt it anew a few months back playing hockey and couldn't lift weights really at all as a result. Meanwhile, I'm struggling with poor sleep and chronic fatigue. I thought the fatigue stemmed from my former shift work jobs, which I did for the past 7 years. But, I've been done with that for 6 months now, amd still feel drained much of the time. I'm getting tested for Lyme disease. Hoping I don't have it, but if I do, at least that explains the fatigue. I went in business for myself in June and have been working steadily until this week, when I have a lull. That's very positive but it has taken most of my focus. So, another thing that's gotten in front of training.
So I have found myself with extremely low motivation and muchnof the time I submit to it amd don't work out. I started on HGH in July to try to help my shoulder, which worked. The pain is nearly gone and I can lift again. But I often don't! My head, which is my enemy, tells me, "What's the use? You're getting surgery next month; you're going to shrink to a skeleton after that anyway. Don't bother. It's going to take years to get back to where you were a few months ago."
Luckily, my wife is training pretty consistently, and she's helped me a little lately simply by setting an example and being in our gym. We used to train together all the time, so it's easier to do it with her than alone. Been doing pretty OK this week. Did legs; chest and tris; amd am currently doing a back workout. I know that the better shape I'm in when I go for surgery, the better.
I've lost about 10 lbs, so I'm down to 190 instead of the 200 I had been. Some of it is fat loss, but definotely muscle loss as well. I still look pretty good, but my strength has all but left me. I had been benching 295 during my workouts; now my heaviest set is 245, just for example. That's discouraging also. I KNOW the only way to regain that strength is to lift what I can lift now and keep pushing. But damn, my head tells me, "This sucks. What's the use, anyhow?"
Fuckin thing! I doubt any other creatures' own mind is their own enemy! WTF! Lol!
Anyway, still here, sort of, trying to claw my way back up on my horse.