I have recently been battling my fitness goals and desires out with my husband. Our relationship has been on the rocks for months and we have discussed divorce several times. Each time we argue he always brings up the time I spend in the gym. I tried to hire a personnel trainer and when he found out we got into one of the biggest fights yet. He is totally unsupportive. He said that I could only work with a female trainer, but there are not any in my area that seem to be qualified. He also said if I ever used any illegal supplement to help me achieve my goals he would leave without any discussion. I told him I would never take anything strong, but he is convinced any aas will turn me into a man. What do I do?
Unsupportive spouse
- Thread starter tigerlily
- Start date
dedprez*
New member
okay..well mayb not...just open his eyes 2 the anabolics...it is a prob that us guys have had with the ladies in our lives 4 a long time....just make them realize that u have a great bunch of people on none other than....MUSCLECHEMISTRY!!!and that u would never do anything 2 hurt yourself or the family. obviously were u r at physically ..tigerlily...u know what u r doin.....so stay happy...mayb it is time 2 move on...is this the only argument or are there others?? just my 2 cents+
DP...lol....its not that easy.
Tiger....I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. I really don't know how you should handle this situation. I can't understand him not being supportive of your choice to have a fitness lifestyle. Does he workout at all....if not, will he? I think that maybe if started to he just might enjoy it and it would be good time for the two of you to spend together.
What ever happens try to keep your chin up and remember that we are here for you!!!!
Tiger....I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. I really don't know how you should handle this situation. I can't understand him not being supportive of your choice to have a fitness lifestyle. Does he workout at all....if not, will he? I think that maybe if started to he just might enjoy it and it would be good time for the two of you to spend together.
What ever happens try to keep your chin up and remember that we are here for you!!!!
M
mr456
Guest
Lily...from the reaction that your husband had to you getting a personal trainer..I would say that he has some major insecurities. Is he the type of person that won't work out?? Is he in good shape??? If the answer is "NO" to either one of these questions then I as a husband would say one of these is the issue.
1. He is jealous of the way you look and doesn't want you to look "more" desirable to other men
2.He is jealous because he is not in good physical shape.People who don't take there health/diet/excercise seriously tend to not like to associate with those who do.
3. He is just a very insecure person...whether it be with your marraige or the way he views himself.
I think the best possible way to solve the situation would be to try to get him involved in it. It is a good common interest in my opinion for couples to have. My wife and I's used to be eating out and boating/drinking lol...we have progressed a little since then.
If he continues to blame your fitness goals on your marital problems i would suggest moving on also. Your husband should be a person who supports you in whatever you do...especially something like your commitment to health and well-being.
I realize that running out and getting a divorce is not an easy task especially if there are kids involved. But i will tell you that if he does not support you in your dreams and goals now...he never will!!!! Good luck and I hope everything works out for you....don't give up what you are are working for!!!!!!!
1. He is jealous of the way you look and doesn't want you to look "more" desirable to other men
2.He is jealous because he is not in good physical shape.People who don't take there health/diet/excercise seriously tend to not like to associate with those who do.
3. He is just a very insecure person...whether it be with your marraige or the way he views himself.
I think the best possible way to solve the situation would be to try to get him involved in it. It is a good common interest in my opinion for couples to have. My wife and I's used to be eating out and boating/drinking lol...we have progressed a little since then.
If he continues to blame your fitness goals on your marital problems i would suggest moving on also. Your husband should be a person who supports you in whatever you do...especially something like your commitment to health and well-being.
I realize that running out and getting a divorce is not an easy task especially if there are kids involved. But i will tell you that if he does not support you in your dreams and goals now...he never will!!!! Good luck and I hope everything works out for you....don't give up what you are are working for!!!!!!!
Hey, Tigerlily...
Sounds like a tough situation. I agree with Mr. 456 that it sounds like your husband is jealous or insecure for some reason and I think it would be wise to try to find out why. You are feeling good about yourself because of your exercise routine and goals, but maybe he is not feeling so great about himself. It's not up to you to make him feel good about himself, neccessarily, but as his wife, I'm sure you want him to, and maybe there are some things you could do to make him feel better about himself and ease his insecurities. If you guys have been talking divorce for a while, he is probably very afraid to lose you and that adds to the insecurity. If you love him, try to let him know how much and that he is important to you and that his opinion matters to you and reassure him that he is the only one for you. It may help his self esteem and that way he won't be so focused on holding you back from bettering yourself. He will then want to encourage you as well.
Just my humble $.02. <!--emo&--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo-->
-Deja
Sounds like a tough situation. I agree with Mr. 456 that it sounds like your husband is jealous or insecure for some reason and I think it would be wise to try to find out why. You are feeling good about yourself because of your exercise routine and goals, but maybe he is not feeling so great about himself. It's not up to you to make him feel good about himself, neccessarily, but as his wife, I'm sure you want him to, and maybe there are some things you could do to make him feel better about himself and ease his insecurities. If you guys have been talking divorce for a while, he is probably very afraid to lose you and that adds to the insecurity. If you love him, try to let him know how much and that he is important to you and that his opinion matters to you and reassure him that he is the only one for you. It may help his self esteem and that way he won't be so focused on holding you back from bettering yourself. He will then want to encourage you as well.
Just my humble $.02. <!--emo&
--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo-->-Deja
I'm new on this site, but what the ####, I'll jump right in. First let me say I'm sorry to hear you're not getting the support you need. My husband started hitting the gym pretty hard about 1 1/2 years ago. He went it alone for the first 15 months, and I would find myself getting irritated about the time he could have been spending with the family being spent at the gym. Then one day, he invited me to come along. It has been a blessing for both of us. It seems to be the place we get along the best, because we both appreciate the other one being there encouraging each other along. Now instead of just being partners at home, we can be partners at the gym and it is time we really enjoy spending together. I don't know your full situation, but just in case, let me throw this in. We also have children, but we managed to find a gym that has on-site daycare. It's nice because we can peek in on the little ones anytime we want. That has also given my children something to look forward to every day. They love going to the gym as much as we do. It has really become a family affair and we couldn't be happier that it is time spent getting and staying in shape.
Maybe if your husband is willing you two could explore the option of making it family time well spent.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck!
LilChaka
Maybe if your husband is willing you two could explore the option of making it family time well spent.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck!
LilChaka
wow...i am soo sorry to hear that.....i agree with all of the above......i would say ask him to go with u...if it is the issue, that he does not work out.......and if he does then he really really should understand that u want to feel better about yourself....and like prez said is that all u fight about things....if so then i would suggest trying to resolve it a.s.a.p....b/c in my experiance it will lead u to fight about more......but best of luck to u....keep us poseted....and one more thing when my man first told me that he was looking to get a little "help"....he pointed me to musclechemistry and other boards and i have learned sooo much....u r your own person u can not live life by always doing what others want..i kno that is hard to live by especially when it is your significant other..i tried for a long time then realized i needed to b my own person and i did not lose any friends...if i did lose someone they were not a friend to begin with...i know that sounds cheesy but it is the truth....like the book says....all i needed to know i learned in kindergarten....good luck
hey tigerlily..
i am really sorry to hear of him acting that way..
normally when it comes to married couples i usually encourage them to work it out.. but some of these issues cannot get worked out.. my opinion.. the aas's are not even an important issue in this.. first off.. the part about having a female trainer only... insecure.. jealous... more over CONTROLING>>>> in my book that is the biggest mistake a man can make.. unless you truely want to be controled... he should have trust in you and your relationship.. a trainer is there to show you and help you towards your goals.. not have you do your squats over him..
i had a ex.. that did not like me working out... always complained about it.. and that "your not gonna look like a female.. " .. lets just say he is an ex for a reason now... so to try to show him .. i took him with me to the gym.. eeeeeee.. bad move.. he stared and watched.. with an evil intent on his face the whole time.. the owner of the gym(a friend of mine) told me to never bring him back there again... due to his attitude and his attitude towards me while there..... you could see it in his eyes.. "mine mine mine..."
you are trying to better yourself...and it is for you... he should be supportive in what you are doing.. if you where going to be causing harm or physical damage to yourself that would be different.. when someone tries to hold you back from self improvement .. (be it physical, emotional, educational, or mentally) it is because of there own insecurities and lack of self worth.. as long as they keep you at a lower level... you are under them.. and they will try to maintain that over you...
you need to see what is best for you.. and your future.. is he holding you back from developing.. in your own way.... any one that truely loved you would encourage you to self improvement.....
regrets.... that is another side effect of this type of issue... will you regret not reaching this goal you have set for yourself... does the term resentment come to mind...it is a nasty emotion ... almost as bad as jealousy... jealousy may fade.. resentment... well..sometimes it does...
sit back and think.. and dwell... granted i do not believe in divorce , yet i do understand that there are times when 2 people never should have gotten married also...
if he is really looking out for your own good.. that would be one thing... but it does not appear that way by what you describe..
sasha..
good luck.... oh if you like.. i will talk to him.... i have not become a man... not one bit... .. and if he gets out of line.. i can smack him into shape for you <!--emo&--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo--> heee heeeeeee...... can't get him your way.. we beat him into submission... ,,, hummm... can be arranged!!!! lol..j/k <!--emo&--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo-->
i am really sorry to hear of him acting that way..
normally when it comes to married couples i usually encourage them to work it out.. but some of these issues cannot get worked out.. my opinion.. the aas's are not even an important issue in this.. first off.. the part about having a female trainer only... insecure.. jealous... more over CONTROLING>>>> in my book that is the biggest mistake a man can make.. unless you truely want to be controled... he should have trust in you and your relationship.. a trainer is there to show you and help you towards your goals.. not have you do your squats over him..
i had a ex.. that did not like me working out... always complained about it.. and that "your not gonna look like a female.. " .. lets just say he is an ex for a reason now... so to try to show him .. i took him with me to the gym.. eeeeeee.. bad move.. he stared and watched.. with an evil intent on his face the whole time.. the owner of the gym(a friend of mine) told me to never bring him back there again... due to his attitude and his attitude towards me while there..... you could see it in his eyes.. "mine mine mine..."
you are trying to better yourself...and it is for you... he should be supportive in what you are doing.. if you where going to be causing harm or physical damage to yourself that would be different.. when someone tries to hold you back from self improvement .. (be it physical, emotional, educational, or mentally) it is because of there own insecurities and lack of self worth.. as long as they keep you at a lower level... you are under them.. and they will try to maintain that over you...
you need to see what is best for you.. and your future.. is he holding you back from developing.. in your own way.... any one that truely loved you would encourage you to self improvement.....
regrets.... that is another side effect of this type of issue... will you regret not reaching this goal you have set for yourself... does the term resentment come to mind...it is a nasty emotion ... almost as bad as jealousy... jealousy may fade.. resentment... well..sometimes it does...
sit back and think.. and dwell... granted i do not believe in divorce , yet i do understand that there are times when 2 people never should have gotten married also...
if he is really looking out for your own good.. that would be one thing... but it does not appear that way by what you describe..
sasha..
good luck.... oh if you like.. i will talk to him..
.. i have not become a man... not one bit... .. and if he gets out of line.. i can smack him into shape for you <!--emo&--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo--> heee heeeeeee...... can't get him your way.. we beat him into submission... ,,, hummm... can be arranged!!!! lol..j/k <!--emo&--><img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/IB3/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=''><!--endemo-->wilknights
New member
I need a wife like that!! He should be proud of you, and happy that his women is in #### good shape!! Nothing gets my rock soft worse than an overweight person not to lazy to make money but too lazy to do something about their health!
Way to go Sasha! I'm with you 100%. I am very sorry to hear of your troubles, Tigerlily. I hope they can be worked out. Have you asked him to join you in your workouts? Working out has brought my husband and I closer. It is something we both enjoy doing and it benefits both of us. He should be proud of his wife for working hard to look great! Good luck to you and keep us posted!
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