Over the summer I was doing am/pm workouts and a lot of intensity. My mother was getting sicker and losing weight from cancer... I was one angry SOB...angry at the world! And I will tell you that lifting angry works really well.
I was sleeping very little and working out like no tomorrow . It kept me sane. Aside from her having cancer she was handicapped. I took care of her for 13 years after my father died.
No other help. Just me.
I was so intense ..like a storm trooper on a mission. And it became my new normal. I had to be in order to keep going. Still had my work and my family and needed to be strong.
But I was burning up quick and breaking down at the same time. Mentally I was on the edge.
But weights was like a good dose of life for me. Kept me grounded.
Now after all that all that intensity is gone. No more anger. No more storm trooper on a mission. And now I have to learn to be real normal again.
She battled cancer for 3 yrs. I had to take her to chemo in her wheelchair. And do all the in and out daily chores ...I treated it like I was at war. Battling cancer with her.
I would like to rebuild my intensity but it has to be healthier..... the way I was was bad. My wife said I was a different person...she saw me change. Crazy shit.
Now she says she sees me changing back so that is good.
But I think alot of guys are wired to be in battle mode. Career military guys cops and firemen... guys who weight train without excuse holding them back...you take guys like this and set them up in a stressful fight or flight scenario and they stay and fight and thrive in it.
That's me ...at least I believe that's me. Just that my focus is scattered now....I have to get that laser beam focus back.
But I can't walk around angry and in such a high stress state that my BP is high... i was starting to get nose bleed s!
I need to refocus to that Same intensity but be healthy.
One thing I can say is adversity is what shows us what we are all about. You learn from it and even tho it sucks it can help you grow.
To me with what little I know about you MM.. you have some adversity and you seem to be handling proper. And I believe it chew you up a bit but you should come out the other side with tougher skin and a better sense of who you really are
Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk
First blood I am here on MC and would chat with u any time. Pm me if ever u wanna exchange easier more person level contacts..
I have been through alot. I haven't lost my parents yet but I have had things in my life happen that were really tough. I learned to accept them and I still get down like all of us do about current trails and tribulations.
No matter what they are, over coming them is the same in alot of ways. We gotta keep our heads up be proud of who we are and know that the things we let ourselves down with aren't who we are. Who we are is within us. But we gotta live and express it and then it shows on the outside.
I learned to humble myself, I don't wanna be cool if just wanna live a good life and be good to people around me. I have things that I do always that I practice to be that person I Wanna be. Alot of them are as simple as pushing the basket back at store. Grabbing a few more on the way to return it in proper place. I became the type of person that never gets over on anyone I am 100% fair, I always take my turn, always give a turn, and take responsibility to make sure I take advantage of no one.
It has been alot of practice but I can assure u that changing our behavior consistently everyday with time our mind and feeling follow. What we have in our hearts is wonderful but we gotta live it to feel it and for it to come out.
U gotta move forward even though it uncomfortable, stay aware and don't stuff your feelings, but don't let them stop u from living. Do what I am saying what we all saying. U gotta start with the basics everyday and continue to do them no matter what! The mind will follow my friend
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Tapatalk
