jaywooly
Guru
I was cruising the mall with a good friend of mine (we'll call him "BiggerStronger" for safety reasons). We were on our lunch break, we do work at the same place. Mind you, this happened about a year and a half ago. The reason I bring it up now is we, BiggerStronger and myself, were eating at the exact same place on our lunch today. Anyway, the true story is as follows...
As I was saying, we were cruising the mall on our lunch break and decided to go into a restaraunt of some sort. We see these ladies sitting across from us. They were kinda cute, but not cute enough to be seen in public with, *for we are matcho body builders and will settle for nothing less than a "10." Anyway, I noticed them checking us out so I asked Bigger if we should act in any way. He and I decided that he would go after the cuter one seriously and I would be as obnoxious as possible to the uglier one to see if they would still be interested. So....
I walk up to their table and say, **"I could help but notice you fine looking ladies checking out me and my friend over yonder. It would be a privelage to have you two come sit with us for the remainder of your lunch period." The two agreed suprisingly enough. So we're sitting together and we all get introduced. The one that I'm supposed to be into is named Mandy or something and I keep calling her Candy. She doesn't seem to get too upset at this, but she DOES correct me each time.
Since my plan isn't seeming to be working because I can tell she was running her game on me I start to east like a pig. I stop using my utencils and put ketchup on everything (even on things that ketchup has no purpose for). I open the thing of pepper and dump half of it on my meal. I was sure to largely inhale as I was doing so, and you guessed it, I managed a large sneeze or two. I did not cover my mouth and sneezed in the general direction of the table. Still smiling and a twinkle in her eyes she wishes me a, "God bless you." This makes me increasingly ***angrier.....
So I figure enough of the "chit-chat" lets get to the good stuff. I ask the one if she has a boyfriend, and she says she does not. I loudly get out a, "Super, that's just great!!!" She kind of laughs. She then asks me if I have a girlfriend and my reply was as follows, "Well yeah, but she's in Hawaii now with her folks. She left me the key to her house. Do you wanna come over there tonight? Her parents have a huge waterbed and a big screen that we can watch some porn on." Guese what people????? She agreed!!! Can you believe this?
I did take her number down but didn't call her. Well okay, I (we) did call her. But it was just for prank calls. She had a funny answering machine as I recall. And it was HER voice on the answering machine so she did give me her right phone number.
I will stress that this whole thing was for gags. The girls seemed very playfull and I was just really feeding of of them (and myself). In my honest opinion I don't think anyone got hurt so it's okay. I know most will just get a kick, but I'm sure there are a few that will be repulsed by this (true) story.
*Not really what we think
**This line was VERBATIM (word for word)
***If that's a word
As I was saying, we were cruising the mall on our lunch break and decided to go into a restaraunt of some sort. We see these ladies sitting across from us. They were kinda cute, but not cute enough to be seen in public with, *for we are matcho body builders and will settle for nothing less than a "10." Anyway, I noticed them checking us out so I asked Bigger if we should act in any way. He and I decided that he would go after the cuter one seriously and I would be as obnoxious as possible to the uglier one to see if they would still be interested. So....
I walk up to their table and say, **"I could help but notice you fine looking ladies checking out me and my friend over yonder. It would be a privelage to have you two come sit with us for the remainder of your lunch period." The two agreed suprisingly enough. So we're sitting together and we all get introduced. The one that I'm supposed to be into is named Mandy or something and I keep calling her Candy. She doesn't seem to get too upset at this, but she DOES correct me each time.
Since my plan isn't seeming to be working because I can tell she was running her game on me I start to east like a pig. I stop using my utencils and put ketchup on everything (even on things that ketchup has no purpose for). I open the thing of pepper and dump half of it on my meal. I was sure to largely inhale as I was doing so, and you guessed it, I managed a large sneeze or two. I did not cover my mouth and sneezed in the general direction of the table. Still smiling and a twinkle in her eyes she wishes me a, "God bless you." This makes me increasingly ***angrier.....
So I figure enough of the "chit-chat" lets get to the good stuff. I ask the one if she has a boyfriend, and she says she does not. I loudly get out a, "Super, that's just great!!!" She kind of laughs. She then asks me if I have a girlfriend and my reply was as follows, "Well yeah, but she's in Hawaii now with her folks. She left me the key to her house. Do you wanna come over there tonight? Her parents have a huge waterbed and a big screen that we can watch some porn on." Guese what people????? She agreed!!! Can you believe this?
I did take her number down but didn't call her. Well okay, I (we) did call her. But it was just for prank calls. She had a funny answering machine as I recall. And it was HER voice on the answering machine so she did give me her right phone number.
I will stress that this whole thing was for gags. The girls seemed very playfull and I was just really feeding of of them (and myself). In my honest opinion I don't think anyone got hurt so it's okay. I know most will just get a kick, but I'm sure there are a few that will be repulsed by this (true) story.
*Not really what we think
**This line was VERBATIM (word for word)
***If that's a word
