Hate

Hi guys. This has nothing to do with bodybuilding.

For those of you that pray, I could use some prayer. My mother has abused me and my brother since...well...since day one. She, unfortunately always hated us.

Now, my father, who has been my best friend for years is getting more mental abuse than before from her. When it was just me and my brother we could handle it. Now it's bothering me and I am starting to hate her.

And every Christmas I remember the same horrible memmories. My mom going back into the mall to tell Santa I was a bad little girl this year and coal would be too kind.

My mother was careful never to do things to my brother and I in front of my father, but sometimes she slipped. My brother pushed her against the wall when I was 6 (him 14) and she called the police on him. It was okay for her to hit us, but not okay for us to defend ourselves.

My father couldn't leave her and take us kids, because she always told him she would keep us and hurt us. She would always tell me when they had a fight, "...Daddy and I are going to get a divorce and I just want you to know it's all your fault". She would say it so sweetly...I think those are the only times she talked kindly to me even though the words were horrible.

My brother was able to leave and always felt bad about leaving me behind, but I don't blame him. Now, my mother is treating my father almost as bad as she treated us kids. And my mother is telling me how her boy is so special and what he means to her. She is treating him really good over the phone (he left the state a long time ago). And I don't want to tell my brother, but I'm jealous. I liked it better when she hated us both equally.

Now, it's not her fault. She was abused as a kid and she can be really nice, but she flips. It's like she has a split personality. I use to pray for her and my family to accept her even though she can be cruel. But now I am finding myself in need of these prayers. If you are a believer, please pray that I accept my mother and not hate her for what she does or who she is. It really is not her fault, but sometimes it's hard not to be angry with her.

Thank you very much!!

Wow...that's a tough situation. I give you credit for hanging in there and not giving up on your mom.

Well Angel, your situation sounds very familiar. I was raised in a less than acceptable environment. I will spare particular stories but I can feel your drama. I myself was never much for religion. My mother was a member of a church who was basically shunned when she was involved with divorce in the late 70's. I grew up between two parents, none of which evil or bad people but their frustrations were taken out on me on what could now, these days be abuse. I cannot get over that, I just am glad it was not worse. Now, for my advice, first of all be proud of yourself! I think most children of divorce, or abnormal adolesence lack full self esteem! I will be the first to admit when parents should of been proud they were distracted by fighting or other thoughts. I can identify but that does not mean I can cure just yet. I will also say, my love for the gym is something that is strung from not getting noticed as a child. A way of crying out in physical form. I know that. Hey, it could be worse, I did gather enough from them to be grateful. Never doubt what you have, your ability, never envy those with more. I think that is one of this countries great mishaps, everyone envious of others, looking at what they don't have-some say it drives the economy. I say it drives economy and insanity! Be grateful you are alive and healthy. Take pride in your work at the gym. For me that is my tool. The dedication to separate from others, they talk the talk, all of them. I walk the walk and for what that is to me is pride. I speak not about myself now, but for others as well. We all are not perfect, everyone has flaws, some self created and some by birth. Now we do one thing in harmony, train to become better! So use this motivational force, anger, pitty, agrivation, humiliation, or utter happiness for one thing, success! You are already setting yourself apart from the masses in being here. So take that pride and show it off and use it to overcome whatever may try to put you down because with this you will tower over whatever it is and crush it!

God bless and good luck Angel.

great post Glen

Thank you all! Your words are very kind and motivational.

Thank you for the website body2see.

And Glen...thank you very much. Your words are motivational and touching all in one. I can't thank you or the others enough. Thank you!