jaywooly
Guru
Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be
progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same
mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone
thinks you are a fucking jerk.
Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are
dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of
advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in
contact with. You are a prick.
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being
followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on
your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power.
You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
Taurus (April 23 - May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think you are
stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned
communist.
Gemini (May 23 - June 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you
because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too
much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard.
Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer (June 23 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's
problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always
putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare
and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are
an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot
tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people
are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than
sex.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your
shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and
co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall
asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and
pimps.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing
with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer.
Chances for employment and monetary gain are nill. Most
Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business
and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of
success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the
perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless
tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The
majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless
piece of shit.
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are
basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of
any importance. You should kill yourself.
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be
progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same
mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone
thinks you are a fucking jerk.
Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are
dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of
advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in
contact with. You are a prick.
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being
followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on
your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power.
You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
Taurus (April 23 - May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think you are
stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned
communist.
Gemini (May 23 - June 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you
because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too
much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard.
Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer (June 23 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's
problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always
putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare
and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are
an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot
tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people
are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than
sex.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your
shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and
co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall
asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and
pimps.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing
with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer.
Chances for employment and monetary gain are nill. Most
Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business
and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of
success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the
perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless
tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The
majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless
piece of shit.
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are
basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of
any importance. You should kill yourself.
