Jt's "real" funny stories vol 1

Okay so I have lots of goofy stories. I will post a few of these and give you guys a good laugh. Here is the first:

I use to be a professional alcoholic. 12 pack, hard liquor, pills, drugs of any nature...you get the idea.

After an all day fishing trip of consuming an excess of 2 cases of beer I hit a cow. Here is the funny part. I was 15 feet from my driveway after driving 45 miles. All you Peta guys don't read this part. I broke its back with the truck. Two legs pointing up and two down, you get the picture. This was 12 years ago and I was still living at home, and my mom made me call the cops on myself. The cop arrives 1 hour later and asks me what happened. I told him (this is true) that the cow jumped out of the ditch like a gazelle off Wild Kingdom. He laughed and realized I was out of his jurisdiction so he called the state police. They showed up 3 hours later. This is 4 hours remember and the first thing he did was give me a field sobriety test after hearing my "Wild Kingdom" story. I failed. The owner of the cow showed up and convinced him not to give me a dwi. For some reason he didn't. I could be wrong but I learned the lesson not to drink 2 cases of bear with "gazelle" like cows around.
Stay cool JT

Oh I did 2k worth of damage to the truck 15 feet from my drive. The owner paid for that too.

HAHAHAHAHAH.... you must not have been a very good liar my friend... but i'd like to see a cow jump at all... that shit is funny.... congrats on NOT getting a dwi... and I wish I could have heard the tapes of you calling the police on yourself but at the same time watching your mother standing in front of you with the phone in your hand...

... and what kind of beer was it?

Miller lite until I had memory loss. Then I think I could have drank anything. Yep, she handed me the phone and stood tapping her foot. You get the visual. I don't think the cop bought the story, but after 2 cases everything moves a little faster...or rather you move a lot slower.

so you had 4 hours and still couldn't manage to pass a field sobriety test??? you must have been pretty fucked up, you're lucky it was just a cow and you didn't kill someone.

That is correct. I have said that many times myself. That is also why I don't drink at all anymore. I stopped not long after that.