'I get in trouble when I pay her a compliment - she either gets mad, or accuses me of trying to get something from her (same with doing things around the house, etc).'
It's also really hard to give advice when you're not living it, but I have older siblings & each of their marriages are different..
What I've noticed {I'm not suggesting this may be your problem & I know everyone's gonna hate me} is that the guys who help at home & aren't relying on their wives to get things done, who does things with the kids without viewing it as 'babysitting'.. get sex regularly and it's because their wives feel as though they're in a balanced relationship and their husbands make them FEEL beautiful.
Lemme give you a personal observation..
Last year, my stepsis had to have surgery.
Her husband is always complaining about how he doesn't 'get it' enough.
They have 3 kids & she was stressing out because she couldn't leave the kids with him. So, I went out & stayed with them and I can understand why she's holding out on him. Her life would be happier without him, but she can't bring herself to take the kids away from their Dad. She feels trapped.
I'm not even to going to pretend that it was a piece of cake taking care of those kids. One minute you're giving attention to one. All of a sudden you notice one is missing and they've managed to make their way up to the bathroom & is cleaning the grout between the expensive italian tile with everyone's toothbrushes & deep blue toothpaste.
Then the 11 year old comes home with homework that needs explaining, the other two begin bickering & dinner hasn't even been started.
I could go on with 'chores', but I think you understand what I mean. The day never goes as planned & you're always picking up or cleaning..
Her husband was useless. He sat on his ass when he came home from work, answered the phone & flicked through channels.
Get this.. he leaves me a note one morning to drop his blue suit at the cleaners.
When he came home & asked if I dropped it off, I said no, I didn't get chance to.. he gives me a pffrff and shakes his head in a very condescending way.
My first thought was to say &%$#@ you but, I took the kids out for dinner the next night & didn't have anything on the stove for him instead
The next night when he came home from work, he changed the sheets on beds & did the dishes.. which surprised the hell outta the kids. That's really sad.
Now, I was only there for a couple of days before the head games started. I couldn't imagine having to live every day like that.
He may see himself as this mighty bread winner, but he's lost his wife on an emotional level.
She's also a very sexual person, but his touch turns her off because the only time she gets compliments or affectionate touches.. is after he's watched his shows staring beautiful actress who have aroused him and he's ready to bang.
I guess what I'm saying is that actions speak louder than words.
You apparently love your wife & your family life very much if you're making attempts to better your relationship and keep it together, rather than hitting some bar fly.
It's not going to be easy & you're gonna feel as though you're the only one showing any effort..
Try giving her a compliment & touching her every day.
Even if she snears a lil *lol* do it anyway & pretend you don't notice she's mad because you should move off quickly. Point out something positive.. but, say it when things are hectic & she can't react negatively to it.
Example, she's juggling a couple things to get the girls ready. You could point out something as simple as how easy she makes it look.
Just don't make sexual advances for awhile, but slip your arm around her for a quickie hug when the opportunity presents itself.. such as if something funny is happening & you're both laughing about it. Give her a quick squeeze & then take your arm away quick & move off to do something, anything.
Someone suggested flowers.. great thought.
Something as simple as the lil bunches you can get at the grocery store is thought enough & you could even have the girls give them to her.. it's the thought that counts.
Lil simple thoughts are what melts the heart~
Kiss her on the cheek if you're standing next to her & she has her hands in the sink.. then move off. Affectionately stroke her hair as you pass her chair & she's reading a book.. ya know?
If she questions your actions, just shrug & say that she makes you happy..
If she accuses you of trying to get something from her, just shrug & say nah.. I'm on my way out to check the tires on the car.
Do the things you did to get her to fall in love with you & get her to focus her sexual desires on you, rather than whateva guy gave her the fantisizing material to inspire her to masturbate.
You hafta turn back into a tease.. *grrr baby*
