i need some brotherly advice here...

[cenzo78]

Been with this girl for a year.. Basically after a month she gives up her apartment in south jersey to live with me.. Other than the physical attraction that brought us together, we have really nothing in common. The way we spend money, the things we like to do, vacations we like to take, what time we wake up, our work schedules completely off, ect.

Our spats have picked up more and more over the past 2 months and a piece of me wants to ride it out and hope it will pass, but the other side of me thinks im in for a roller coaster ride to hell. Would you wait until after the holidays are over, put on that happy face til then, or address it now and be done with it?

 

[majortguns]

Been with this girl for a year.. Basically after a month she gives up her apartment in south jersey to live with me.. Other than the physical attraction that brought us together, we have really nothing in common. The way we spend money, the things we like to do, vacations we like to take, what time we wake up, our work schedules completely off, ect.

Our spats have picked up more and more over the past 2 months and a piece of me wants to ride it out and hope it will pass, but the other side of me thinks im in for a roller coaster ride to hell. Would you wait until after the holidays are over, put on that happy face til then, or address it now and be done with it?

If it was me I'd get out now, sounds to me like the funs about over. Get some new ass on New Years Eve my brutha.

 

[Massive-E]

If it was me I'd get out now, sounds to me like the funs about over. Get some new ass on New Years Eve my brutha.

Bump, why spend the holidays miserable .. bad way to start the new year dude!

 

[CH3NO2]

Cut bait. Too many other fish in the sea.

 

[Ox 51]

I agree with the others, but I don't think that means you necessarily have to end it. Just discuss your problems with her and hear what she has to say as well and go from there.

 

[Metal85]

Agreed why be with someone if u r both unhappy and completely different, the point is to be with someone where no aspect of the relationship feels like work. Hard to find, however it is available.

 

[cenzo78]

great advice and thanks for replying.. When im on my pc ill respond, this cell shit sucks

 

[The Dude]

Solid advice here. I'll bet once you're through the nasty split up crap, you'll feel like a boulder is lifted from your back.

 

[steph]

Well what's wrong with a roller coaster ride from hell? Could be more fun than you think!

I'm kidding, but I only joke like that because in the three years we have been together, Jon and I have been through alot. We both know, though, that we love each other and want to spend our lives together... so for us, a once in a while WW 3 is worth the fight. Our work schedules are completely opposite and we have our disagreements, but he's my best friend. We have so much fun together and laugh over the same stupid shit and never run out of stuff to talk about. My family adores him and his family is really good to me, so our lives are definitely intertwined in a big way. That being said, we don't live together (don't get me started on that topic! ) which seems to be a big component of your situation here.

If you do decide to break it off, that's a big thing to consider... she lives in your apartment and it's very unlikely that she'll just up and leave, especially the week before Christmas! This also has the potential to turn your holidays to shit, lots of drama, etc.

You sound like you care about her (hence why you're so torn about this decision). I think Ox is right though... trying talking to her first and figure out where each of you are coming from and what each of your expectations are for the relationship. If you disagree on key components that neither of you are willing to compromise on, then you will need to figure out what's worth sticking to your guns over and what isn't as important.

Whatever you decide, good luck and hope it all works out for the best!

(I know I'm not a "brother", so I hope you don't mind me chiming in with some "sisterly" advice! )

 

[cenzo78]

Steph, you've never steered me wrong.. Do you know what a big help that Almond Breeze Soy milk was, how can I ever thank you enough!!! Feel free to chime in lol.

Ill try to give you a break down of our differences and the things we fight about 370 days into our relationship.

Me- my car with 102000 miles on it with no warranty or roadside assistance acts up last saturday morning, so right after work I go to a dealership on the way home. Put 0 money down and get into a brand new 2011 Hyundai Sonata for 11 dollars less than I was paying per month on my old car. 10 year 100000 mile powertrain, 5 year 60000 mile bumper to bumper, and 5 year UNLIMITED miles roadside assistance.

She- gives me tons of shit for getting a new car. she would of brought the car to 3 or 4 different places to see what was wrong with it because it might of only been a 300 dollar job. Doesnt get that my car has NO warranty so at anytime it can go to shit, and no roadside assistance so I can be in the middle of no where calling her to pick me up. I have gotten the somewhat silent treatment for a week telling me i waste money


Me- I work 40hrs a week at the union and do about 15-18hrs a week Personal Training

She- Works 20hrs a week. The only full day we have with eachother is Sunday and im a 6am'er and shes a 12pm'er. Other than that we see eachother from 930-10pm then its bedtime


Me- I go to the gym because I love it, sometimes twice a day if i need to get cardio in

She- Has a membership but never goes and things my gym time cuts into her time with me


Me- Would rather have 3000 in the bank and be able to spend my money as freely as I want because I work hard

She- Has at least 500K in the bank but penny pinches for EVERYTHING. Before she would buy a shirt at Juicy Couture, she goes to marshalls and spends 4hrs searching through the bargain racks.


Me- Loves loves loves atlantic city or other types of casinos just for the atmosphere and thrill of it. I used to go at least twice a month with friends or my ex. Ive been there 3 times since last december

She- Has an anxiety attack just thinking of putting a 20 in a slot machine and losing it


Me- loves just getting in the car and going to a far away restuarant or mall or whatever.

She- gets car sick if were in the car 10 minutes

Me- the only family i have around here is my mom dad and grandmother, and I normally do both xmas eve and xmas day with them. She has a huge family down in south jersey, at least 40ppl at family gatherings. I spoke to my parents about doing 1 day with them, and the other day I would venture out with her, and they were totally fine with it.

She- Isnt even going to stay home with me and my fam on xmas eve, even though the same exact ppl shes going to see on xmas eve and the same exact ppl shes gonna see on xmas day just at a different house. She feels like shes missing out and its gonna be "lame" just the 5 of us here.


These are just somethings i can think of off the top of my head. They sound minor but are becoming a big deal. We just really have nothing in common. Sex was great in the beginning, now its to the point if we have it once a week its a good thing, and we LIVE TOGETHER!!

 

[LeatherHead]

I agree with the others, but I don't think that means you necessarily have to end it. Just discuss your problems with her and hear what she has to say as well and go from there.

I agree. Every relationship has hard times and there are points where you feel like you want to club them in the head and throw them into a pig pen to be devoured by the swine. A few of us here have had some incredibly painful times, but we stuck it out and worked through it and now it's better than ever. So from somebody who has years of real life experience of dealing with hard times, sit down and put all the cards on the table and see where it goes. If it ends, then at least you know you did everything in your power to resolve the issues and it just wasn't going to work. But there's always that chance that having a "coming to Jesus" meeting will put you back on track and things will once again be good.

 

[Presser]

Just adding my 2cents, but My wife and I went from the usualy whirl wind love romance everyone goes through when they first meet, and that lasted for a few years, and at about year 7 we litteraly prolly hated one another at times, and we went through Pure Hell On Earth together, and I cant stress that enough!!! It was fucking Hell! But we knew we had something special and we were married so we tryed to work out our differences, and for the last couple years everyday is like we just met, were best friends above all else! Sure we still argue and fight, but thats life and it isnt easy living with someone else!

You realy have to go through the tough times to see what you realy have in my opinion! and You have to have lived together to know anything at all realy about your relationship and yourself! we got a place together after only about 3 months of dating,lol. But when ya know you know!

And you guys dont realy sound like u belong together atleast not from what im reading in ur post bro!

 

[Chris250]

sounds like you made your decision already...go with your gut ...

 

[steph]

Glad you like the Almond Milk!

As for the new car, good for you!! I bought a 2007 hyundai tiburon brand new 4 years ago and it's one of the best cars I've ever had. The warranty is a lifesaver! In fact, the car is at the dealership now because somethings going on with my heat and the warranty is up in 800 miles. I've definitely gotten my money's worth out of the warranty though. Hyundais are great and its YOUR money and YOU work hard for it, so do what you want!

What?? I love going to AC and losing my $20 to the Ten Times Pay machines, lol. It's all about the thrill... you're up, you're down, you're close, then you're up alot, and then you keep playing and before you know it, the $20 that you turned into $70 has now completely disappeared! As long as you don't have a gambling addiction, who cares! It's about the experience!! Then again, I have a really good fulltime job and I like to enjoy my money, so that's just me!

But anyway, I digress...

Whatever you do, it isn't going to be clean and easy since she lives under your roof... but if the thought of having your house back to yourself and not missing her is stronger than the thought of what will happen when she's gone, then you have your mind pretty much made up. It's just a matter of carefully executing the plan. Good luck!!!

 

[Rep]

Brother let me tell you. Commonaltities is everything. Robin Williams said" God gave us two heads but only enough blood to use one at a time". Sexual actraction is everywhere. My wife left me after 15 years of marriage. Our didnt end bc on things in common, it was trust I beleive. Common interest kept us together. I think finding your soul mate is a needle in the haystack. If your 40 and over, no time to waste, move on brotha. If your younger you have time to see if the bumos ride out but your consciuos is saying, NO. I wish I went with my first imprssion and not my dick

 

[dreww]

I wish I went with my first imprssion and not my dick

my life story

 

[h8tr3d]

Im gathering all of my stuff from my GF's tommorrow. Almost 31/2 yrs, and I think its time to pull the trigger. We can't even get along for 30 seconds. We can't even have adult conversations because we both point the finger all the time. I destroy more of my own property due to her pushing the f*ck out of my buttons. Like presser said.... PURE HELL...... and not every relationship can get past it. Mine can't. The problem is as people, we think we can make it work, and for sooo long we believe this false hope, and all were doing is prolonging the inevitable. Life should be about being happy with bumps and humps here and there, NOT miserable co-existance, with verbal battles day in and day out for 90% of the relationship. Thats a relationSHIT! Im sure ultimately, you will make the descision that best suits you! Good luck my man, and congrats on the smart buy

 

[omni]

I think that your more mature and smarter than her. The red flags to me are 1- gym time cuts in to her time. If training is your lifestyle, she doesn't fit. 2- Spending time with YOUR family. Those two things will cause you a lifetime of misery because those are two things that won't ever change. I don't like break ups but IMHO you need to keep looking, she's not the right one for you.