my creepy wife

frying chicken when i go to pour out the HOT oil and turn around with the pan and the wife is standing directly behind me and scares the living shit out of me and i spilled it on my foot. lucky me i had on shoes. i didn't even know she was in the house. i go down stairs to get an apple and a knife to peel it and when i go into the room my wife is standing right there and startled me. causing me to cut my hand. so what's the problem. she never lets anyone know when she comes home and snoops around trying to be quiet. this has happened 50 or more times in out 12+ years of marrage. one time i thought a burgler was in the house and grabbed the gun when she yelled "babe it's me" i almost shot her. no. i'm not paranoid but when you come in the house anounce your presence. some days i think i'm alone at home to find she took the day off and sits down in the dark not wanting anyone to know she's home. wtf! it's a crime infested neighborhood and shit happens all the time. you think you're home alone and go to sit down in a dark room to relax. grab the remote and sit directly on her. and she won't say anything. this shit is spooky and creepy. now if she was sneaking up on me for sex that would be different. how do i get this to stop? or am i paranoid?

I would say, in all seriousness, if you don't stop being a ninja and sneaking around, one of three things are going to accidentally happen, (1) you will be punched, (2) you will be stabbed, (3) or you will be shot. If you don't want any of these things to accidentally happen to you, then stop sneaking around. Just my .02

hmm, sounds to me like shes working undercover as a special agent. snooping around quietly like a ninja checking things out, u just better watch what u do when u think ur home alone, shes surveying u and what u do.

don't cheat on her

That is pretty creepy...I don't know bro. Divorce? just kidding...lol

Tell her to let you know when she's around other wise she'll get shot or beat...Just don't do it in a angry tone or you might have the police at your door for making threats...lol

You're not paranoid??? LOL

dude talk to her about it... ask her if somethings bothering her... has she been like this for a long time... she might have some serious problems... im the same way but i do it to creep out my girl i like seeing her reactions to being suprised... i had her throwing left and right hooks and headbutts when i grabed her from behind... it was awesome LOL

BUY HER A COW BELL TO PUT AROUND HER KNECK

Presser said:

BUY HER A COW BELL TO PUT AROUND HER KNECK

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bwahaha

now that's funny. believe it or not. that's what i'm gonna buy. what a greatn gift that should be while sending a message about her creeping.

i'd bet if you cracked her upside her jaw once, all that sh*t would stop.

I agree with trauma. Sometimes ya gotta beat up Peter to pay Paul. It may be a hard thing to do, but sometimes we need a little pain for the greater future good. Once bitten, twice shy.

I live by this motto: It's better to be decisive and wrong than right too late.

I don't, in any way, condone the abuse of anyone, male or female.

I like the cow bell idea...lol

I got a fever!!!! And the only prescription is MORE COWBELL!!!!!

How about this--instead of a real cowbell--does she like jewelry as in any cheap little cutsy things? I can't really describe what I mean, but you could get her some kind of bracelet that has little charms around it that tinkle whenever she moves, you know--something that will make a noise but disguised in the fact that you want to hear her coming. And it will have to be something she will be inclined to wear all the time. If she only wears it once, what's the use, right?

tonykemp said:

How about this--instead of a real cowbell--does she like jewelry as in any cheap little cutsy things? I can't really describe what I mean, but you could get her some kind of bracelet that has little charms around it that tinkle whenever she moves, you know--something that will make a noise but disguised in the fact that you want to hear her coming. And it will have to be something she will be inclined to wear all the time. If she only wears it once, what's the use, right?

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An ankle braclet with charms....if you love me you'll never take it off...

Sneaky

Ah, haaa that's some funny shizit.

Of course I probably wouldn't be laughing if I were you.
That is a strange habbit of hers. So, does she laugh when she startles you or what? What is her reasoning for doing it?

F' it, I'd turn the tables on her if I were you. Wait till she goes to sleep one night, lean over her face W/ yours, prepare to block a headbutt & scream like a banshee.

Then see how she likes it & call a truce.

yah, my wife did that before so I let her catch me wankin off.....Now she make all kids of noise to anounce her presence so i have time to put it away!

bilter said:

yah, my wife did that before so I let her catch me wankin off.....Now she make all kids of noise to anounce her presence so i have time to put it away!

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Pretty good idea ... you got to enjoy yourself and fixed the problem. LOL

she really should have stopped after the alomst being shot incident lol