dealing with anger....(long read disclaimer)

[dreww]

No doubt, the last few months have been bad for me. I won't get into details, and some would even say my problems aren't that bad, but for me it's all new territory. And I'm finding myself unable to deal with these issues - I've never had this problem before. I've always been independent and don't go to others for help (others come to me for help). That's how my family was, you learn to fend for yourself and you do it at a very early age.

It all started at the beginning of summer when I lost my job. So finances have been a big stessmark on my lately. In fact, I am probably worse off financially than I have ever been in my life. That being said, I've always kept my cost of living very low and therefore, I am making ends meet. All be it barely.

I lost my job and it was my fault. I fucked up. Again, no details but that I'm sure of. So I do know where my anger comes from, it comes from the fact that I am extremely disappointed in myself. That makes matters worse, cause there is no one to direct the blame onto (and I'm trying like hell not to blame others for my faults). I do believe in second chances, but the economy doesn't. In my line of work, you fuck up once (these days), and your record is tarnished. In fact, I just got my degree in this line of work, and it's practically useless now.

I've always held my self-worth in the fact that I have constantly moved forward in life....up to this point anyways. This combined with a handful or near relationship ending fights with my g/f (again, mostly cause of my fuck ups) and other more minor disappointments and I find myself angery, bitter and frustrated almost constantly. Alot of this stems from the fact that lately, I have made alot of bad decisions. This is very out of character for me. It seems no matter what move I make, its the wrong move. But everything I've been taught growing up is that that worst thing you can do is nothing. Quite a catch 22.

I no longer have medical insurance (and make alot less) so I cannot seek professional help on this (well, that AND pay rent). Even if I had the resources, I don't have much faith in shrinks cause I was raised to fix my own problems.

I've been on this board almost a decade, and a few bros here have been with me the entire time (and well before me). I've never met any of you, and probably never will. But right now a room full of strangers with one thing is common is the only place I can open up..

I have alot of self control, but my fuse is extremely short now and I'm afraid of what will happen when I am pushed. You always hear of peopling "snapping", and I now realize what that really means

Im open for any ideas

 

[The Dude]

I've been there and spent alot of time there. What I would advise is easy to say, but hard to actually implement. First don't blame anyone. You've made mistakes and you will make more. You're having financial difficulties and will have more. If you have gone this long w/o a serious issue such as this, you likely don't have a mental condition such as clinical depression that I have.
I went from a high roller making near 200k a year, wife, nice house, expensive cars and toys and thought I was high and mighty to sleeping on a friends couch broke and alone. I just took it one day at a time and quite beating myself up over finances, my wife leaving, feeling like a failure, etc. I just did my thing. Fuck it.
You sound like an intelligent and level headed guy and you have your priorities straight. The worst times can lead to the best. I now have a job I really enjoy and wouldn't do anything else. I have an amazing beautiful wife and with our COMBINED income (my ex didn't work) I have more money and a nicer car and more money. Even that doesn't matter. I'm happy.
I just kept getting myself excited for the next day b/c I knew it would be better than the prior day.
Take a deep breath and say fuck it and go out with the boys or do something you enjoy. Forget the shit thats out of your control. You'll also learn during this time who your real friends are.

 

[MMX2]

I understand- I was in your place some years ago and almost lost my job and lost my relationship.
All the same feelings, despondence, anger, etc.
I was also taught to deal with things on my own and not ask for help.

This statement hit home with me the most-

"So I do know where my anger comes from, it comes from the fact that I am extremely disappointed in myself. That makes matters worse, cause there is no one to direct the blame onto (and I'm trying like hell not to blame others for my faults)."

I felt like this for a long time.
I don't know if you find this the same, but I think we are all tested in life- I have always believed this , and the stronger the person, the more you learn from them, the better off you will be when you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there, keep your head up- its difficult, but looking back it has made me a stronger person and more mindful so this won't happen to me again.

 

[The Dude]

I don't know if you find this the same, but I think we are all tested in life- I have always believed this , and the stronger the person, the more you learn from them, the better off you will be when you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there, keep your head up- its difficult, but looking back it has made me a stronger person and more mindful so this won't happen to me again.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. I look at my situation as a test. I was eventually rewarded with a much more beautiful, intelligent, level headed, amazing woman than I could've ever dreamed of.
How's that saying go. It's not how many times you get knocked down that matters, it's how many times you get back up.

 

[dreww]

Thanks for the replies. Dude, I have read about your past and from that perspective...im not that bad off. I have a couple of nice things and a girl who stays with me who I surely don't deserve. But im afraid my now negative personality is affecting her. I explain that she is not the problem at all. Hell, she is the one good thing going for me. If she left me....well, I dunno what I would do. I know your posted experiences have helped alot of us on here whether we admit it or not.

Mmx2, brother, you are one of the few that has been here all along and probably the closest to me proximity wise (but Texas is a huge state). You don't open up much, but when you do its obvious your experience in life in vast and well beyond just bodybuilding.
Tested is much what I thought. But I've never been tested like this. Maybe I've been lucky, and down times are expected, but this trench is the deepest I've been and it just seems the light is going further away. No matter how I try. Like how fighting the riptide only makes matters worse. Yet "going with the flow" is like expecting fate to take care of me. Im not religious really (I do believe in god) and when im told to pray or something, its like asking others to guide you when you've been taught to lead the pack your whole life.

I've taken the harder path alot of my life, worked hard, went to school. I did what society taught us for success, yet I haven't found it. Or maybe I did but fucked up.either way, for a guy who always chose logic over emotion.....I feel emotion overriding my logic now. That's never a good thing

 

[The Dude]

You need to try to change your thinking. Thinking you deserve this and especially that you don't deserve your girl is something you can change. In my experience life is all about perspective. Try to change your perspective. Set small goals to do this. In times like this we tend to push the ones closest to us away. I did it with my now wife. It took me quite a while to get her back.

 

[MMX2]

Thanks for the replies. Dude, I have read about your past and from that perspective...im not that bad off. I have a couple of nice things and a girl who stays with me who I surely don't deserve. But im afraid my now negative personality is affecting her. I explain that she is not the problem at all. Hell, she is the one good thing going for me. If she left me....well, I dunno what I would do. I know your posted experiences have helped alot of us on here whether we admit it or not.

Mmx2, brother, you are one of the few that has been here all along and probably the closest to me proximity wise (but Texas is a huge state). You don't open up much, but when you do its obvious your experience in life in vast and well beyond just bodybuilding.
Tested is much what I thought. But I've never been tested like this. Maybe I've been lucky, and down times are expected, but this trench is the deepest I've been and it just seems the light is going further away. No matter how I try. Like how fighting the riptide only makes matters worse. Yet "going with the flow" is like expecting fate to take care of me. Im not religious really (I do believe in god) and when im told to pray or something, its like asking others to guide you when you've been taught to lead the pack your whole life.

I've taken the harder path alot of my life, worked hard, went to school. I did what society taught us for success, yet I haven't found it. Or maybe I did but fucked up.either way, for a guy who always chose logic over emotion.....I feel emotion overriding my logic now. That's never a good thing

Stay on the forward path big man.
As for being private- my dad always taught us to keep things to yourself- but I know if you can see that you aren't alone, it will help you to know that your brothers are here to listen when you need it.
You just have to believe it will get better because it will. Trust me- it has to and it will.

 

[dorian123]

dreww I feel the same way, MMX2 AND DUDE are right... hang in there

right now sucks for me has been for a while I feel like a fucking loser at times and taking to the bottle more than I should...

its called LIFE and it SUCKS!

wish I could give you this everything happens for a reason speech...and maybe it does BUT IT STILL SUCKS!

maybe I was born under a bad sign I don't know-your not the only one brother...hang in there-if your girl is really the one she will understand

as for the fighting the riptide analogy you gave...

"water can be hard or it can be soft-water can crash or it can flow-when you put water in a cup it becomes the cup, when you put water in a teapot it becomes the teapot-be water my friend" BRUCE LEE

 

[big in vegas]

I'll honest with you man, I've been as far down as you can possibly go. I'll leave it at that as I'm not going to divulge too much info on here, but I have lost everything by a few bad choices that at the time I didn't even realize were bad (I know that sounds stupid, but it makes sense if you knew the situation). Anyway, when you get to a certain point, you just have to realize that you're a strong person and that you're as low as you can possibly go and start looking back up the ladder that you have fallen from.

I was at the lowest point anyone could be at, my family (most of them anyway) turned their back on me, I lost a great job with a lot of perks (free insurance, could show up as little or as much as I wanted as I was paid salary, free gas card, paid meals while I was "working"....) and I was down to working for minimum wage (something I hadn't done since I was in high school) and I just did whatever I needed to in order to get by (without breaking the law of course) and things started to slowly look up as I was able to earn my family's trust and love back, was able to land a great career job that I still have, got finances and insurance and everything back that I had before except now I actually enjoy my job.

I am a lot like you in that I don't turn to anyone for help and I keep everything to myself, if I have a problem with a relationship, I keep it to myself. If I feel down, I keep it to myself....Anyway, you just have to stay as positive as can be and find something that makes you happy whether that be just coming here and venting when you have a bad day or just going to the movies by yourself to get away from reality for a couple of hours or anything. Once you can get everything back in a positive perspective, you'll be able to see the whole picture again and things will start falling back into place. It's quite common to have things go bad and we get tunnel vision where all we see are bad things everywhere we turn, but you have to get positive things going then everything opens back up.

 

[big in vegas]

Just remember that you can't re-do yesterday and you can't appreciate the greatest things in life until you've experienced some of the worst. Everything has to get bad in order for it to get better otherwise we'd never know when we have it good. Look at a kid who's given everything in life, they don't realize that they have it made, they think that's the way it should be. When you've had nothing you learn that things aren't guaranteed and that it can all be taken away so you learn to make the best out of every situation.

 

[dorian123]

Just remember that you can't re-do yesterday and you can't appreciate the greatest things in life until you've experienced some of the worst. Everything has to get bad in order for it to get better otherwise we'd never know when we have it good. Look at a kid who's given everything in life, they don't realize that they have it made, they think that's the way it should be. When you've had nothing you learn that things aren't guaranteed and that it can all be taken away so you learn to make the best out of every situation.

that's a pretty good quote there

hows that joke go?

There were once 2 kids-one was rich and one was poor...one day they put the rich kid in a room full of toys-everything you can imagine and put the poor kid in a room full of horse shit

a couple hours later they came back and the rich kid was pissed because he was bored and had already played with all his toys-he wanted new toys he wanted more toys

they went to the room with the poor kid and he had a huge smile on his face digging through the shit

they asked him why he was so happy and he replied, "because I know under all this horse shit there has to be a horse"

 

[big in vegas]

that's a pretty good quote there

hows that joke go?

There were once 2 kids-one was rich and one was poor...one day they put the rich kid in a room full of toys-everything you can imagine and put the poor kid in a room full of horse shit

a couple hours later they came back and the rich kid was pissed because he was bored and had already played with all his toys-he wanted new toys he wanted more toys

they went to the room with the poor kid and he had a huge smile on his face digging through the shit

they asked him why he was so happy and he replied, "because I know under all this horse shit there has to be a horse"

Haha, that's a good way to look at it.

 

[dreww]

im trying to be positive minded. Though Im mostly responsible for this downpour, I never was much for taking what I had for granted. Even a few months ago when I was at my peak, I still constantly thought of how good I had it. I've never had a big head, and I never will. I've always been humble....but this experience is much more humbling.

Im the kind of person when I make more, I give more cause I have it to give. Now Im not giving much of anything cause thats what I have to give. And as others have said - im finding out who my friends really are.

thanks for all of the replys. Im hitting the weights hard and heavy this week. maybe that will help. if not, the punching bag is getting some abuse this weekend.

 

[dorian123]

im trying to be positive minded. Though Im mostly responsible for this downpour, I never was much for taking what I had for granted. Even a few months ago when I was at my peak, I still constantly thought of how good I had it. I've never had a big head, and I never will. I've always been humble....but this experience is much more humbling.

Im the kind of person when I make more, I give more cause I have it to give. Now Im not giving much of anything cause thats what I have to give. And as others have said - im finding out who my friends really are.

thanks for all of the replys. Im hitting the weights hard and heavy this week. maybe that will help. if not, the punching bag is getting some abuse this weekend.

well get it out bro, better to channel it in a positive way than to go off on someone...

if you go with the punching bag routine make sure you wrap your hands and wrists...last thing you need is to get carried away and break something

 

[dreww]

well get it out bro, better to channel it in a positive way than to go off on someone...

if you go with the punching bag routine make sure you wrap your hands and wrists...last thing you need is to get carried away and break something

If you only knew....I had swollen and cut knuckles many times in my life. I have a swollen hand right now. Girl came home and decided we were past due for a fight.

Another rough day and I didn't even have to work.
Hitting the bottle hard tonight. Maybe not the best way, but passing out seems likes the best option, at least tonight. I can't hurt anyone or anything passed out.

I would literally kill for ONE good day. Seems so long since I had one

 

[dorian123]

I'm piss drunk right now, why do you think I'm up at this hour...surprised I can even type

best advice I can give as far as the old lady (no disrespect) is to walk away from it...I've learned a long time ago that when a fight ensues to let it go and DISCUSS the next day...don't let your emotions get the best of you...

once you say something in a fit of rage you can't take it back it's out in the open-you can never take it back

I've learned this from previous relationships...here is the typical arguement with me and my better half

ME: I'm pissed leave me alone we'll talk about it tomorrow
HER: Well I want to talk about it now
ME: NO! (I then go to the other room)
HER: I don't want to go to bed angry I can't sleep
ME: no, we'll talk tomorrow or I'll say something I'll regret-let me cool off

the next day we are both fairly calm and rational

 

[The Dude]

I'm piss drunk right now, why do you think I'm up at this hour...surprised I can even type

best advice I can give as far as the old lady (no disrespect) is to walk away from it...I've learned a long time ago that when a fight ensues to let it go and DISCUSS the next day...don't let your emotions get the best of you...

once you say something in a fit of rage you can't take it back it's out in the open-you can never take it back

I've learned this from previous relationships...here is the typical arguement with me and my better half

ME: I'm pissed leave me alone we'll talk about it tomorrow
HER: Well I want to talk about it now
ME: NO! (I then go to the other room)
HER: I don't want to go to bed angry I can't sleep
ME: no, we'll talk tomorrow or I'll say something I'll regret-let me cool off

the next day we are both fairly calm and rational

This is me almost dead nuts on. The only exception is I'll say "look I can't be rational now so I love you and we'll talk about it later". Most women understand it.

 

[Ox 51]

Sounds like you have lots of support here, Dreww. Hope things are getting better for you. Remember what Tupac said, after the darkest night, there's a brighter day.

 

[h8tr3d]

damn dreww buddy... are you sure your not me?? i can relate to you bro... bigtime. My gf (of 4 yrs) and I have been breaking up Eod for the past 4 months... we just got a new puppy, and he died at the vet. My life has been shitty each year and only getting worse (financially). Ive thought SOOOOOOO many times about loading my 1911, and eating a bullet.... no more bills I cant pay, no more bitching GF, no more ANYTHING!! Ive broken down and cried like a little bitch for hours before... over the thought of blowing my brains all over the wall. You know what helped me (and no, im not fixed completely)... 2 things, finding happiness within myself, and God. When no one else is there for you, and you think no body cares, and you feel completely hopeless and deserted by everyone you know, God is there, listening. Im not going to preach, but if you pray, he will listen.

I cant believe I didnt see this thread till now... sorry bro.


Like a few others said... take it one day at a time, and focus on being happy. I know it sounds gay. Im one of the most un-happy motherfuckers you will ever meet, so its xtra hard for me, but I practice everyday, and practice makes perfect as my mommy use to say!! Your not alone brotha

 

[Lightsout]

damn dreww buddy... are you sure your not me?? i can relate to you bro... bigtime. My gf (of 4 yrs) and I have been breaking up Eod for the past 4 months... we just got a new puppy, and he died at the vet. My life has been shitty each year and only getting worse (financially). Ive thought SOOOOOOO many times about loading my 1911, and eating a bullet.... no more bills I cant pay, no more bitching GF, no more ANYTHING!! Ive broken down and cried like a little bitch for hours before... over the thought of blowing my brains all over the wall. You know what helped me (and no, im not fixed completely)... 2 things, finding happiness within myself, and God. When no one else is there for you, and you think no body cares, and you feel completely hopeless and deserted by everyone you know, God is there, listening. Im not going to preach, but if you pray, he will listen.

I cant believe I didnt see this thread till now... sorry bro.


Like a few others said... take it one day at a time, and focus on being happy. I know it sounds gay. Im one of the most un-happy motherfuckers you will ever meet, so its xtra hard for me, but I practice everyday, and practice makes perfect as my mommy use to say!! Your not alone brotha

Eating a bullet bro... Come on bro life will never be easy.. But eating a bullet is the pussy way why of getting out of life it's self.. You have to be on of the coolest dude that I have seen on this site .. I have been in some hard times in my life .. But I have to say the lost of my little girl was the hardest thing that I have ever been threw.. And yes we do have to take it one day at a time.. AND YOUR MOTHER WAS RIGHT YOUR NOT ALONE BRO !!!