Plans... First day back at work

[The Dude]

So I'm making notes for my first day back at work. I'll be with a new group of people so I'm making some bullet points to cover.
1. All of you fuckers work for me
2. I take breaks whenever the fuck I want so you retards can catch up
3. I don't make mistakes, you just don't understand my shit
4. If you need to ask me a question, wait until I'm damn good and ready and all decisions are final.
5. If you're late you're fired. If I'm late, you're fired. If you're fat, you're fired
6. Dress code is determined by what the fuck I want to wear that day
7. Don't ask about my accomplishments or qualifications, it would just blow your fucking mind
8. There will be no brown nosing or climbing the corporate ladder in my office. Sit at your desk and be happy I haven't fired you yet
9. If you have any other questions keep them to your fucking self. I'm not your fucking Special Ed teacher
I think that will make things pretty clear and there shouldn't be any miscommunication. I'm thinking of giving it a motivational twist. Maybe I'll throw peanuts at them. Who the fuck knows

 

[Presser]

So I'm making notes for my first day back at work. I'll be with a new group of people so I'm making some bullet points to cover.
1. All of you fuckers work for me
2. I take breaks whenever the fuck I want so you retards can catch up
3. I don't make mistakes, you just don't understand my shit
4. If you need to ask me a question, wait until I'm damn good and ready and all decisions are final.
5. If you're late you're fired. If I'm late, you're fired. If you're fat, you're fired
6. Dress code is determined by what the fuck I want to wear that day
7. Don't ask about my accomplishments or qualifications, it would just blow your fucking mind
8. There will be no brown nosing or climbing the corporate ladder in my office. Sit at your desk and be happy I haven't fired you yet
9. If you have any other questions keep them to your fucking self. I'm not your fucking Special Ed teacher
I think that will make things pretty clear and there shouldn't be any miscommunication. I'm thinking of giving it a motivational twist. Maybe I'll throw peanuts at them. Who the fuck knows

Dude that shit right there is funny! lol!!! You should make copies of that and hand them out, that should go over real well and set the tone! lol

 

[Presser]

BTW #7 is my Favorite!!

 

[dorian123]

no-I think NINE was motivation enough

 

[fstr03svtcobra]

This is awesome. I seriously hope you handed these out.

 

[The Dude]

This is awesome. I seriously hope you handed these out.

Thanks man, it went pretty well. First I impressed everyone with my scar from where I had a fight to the death with that ax wielding maniac and saved all those nuns and toddlers.
I announced my nomination for employee of the year, then I told a couple supervisors that the only choices worse than the ones they make on a daily basis where the ones to promote them. No one took me seriously of course and if they complain I'll blame it on the Percocet... I'm a short timer now so why the fuck not? On that note I'm going to leave 45 minutes early.

 

[csuperman]

sounds like my kinda place

 

[Lightsout]

9 is definitely the best.

 

[big in vegas]

You're not disgruntled in any way are you?

 

[Presser]

You're not disgruntled in any way are you?

yeah i wasn't sure either, but i think i might have got that impression as well lol,

 

[The Dude]

You're not disgruntled in any way are you?

Ya man I am. I don't like being the "poor me" guy, but the stuff I've gone through at this place is absurd. I could tell you things that you truly would not believe. I've sued 3 times thus far. Won each time. I now have 2 lawsuits going that I will win and possibly a third before my time is up. This place is devoid of all integrity and ethical behavior. They've truly brought out the worst in me and I know I'll be a better person when this is done and I can leave